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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Boys and Babies

Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel

“Oh my god, did I tell you about the dream I had?”
“What dream?”
“You had moved to the West Coast and you were coming back to DC to visit me. Before you left you called me and said that Julie had told you that I had a secret for you. You then called me and I said that you would see it when you arrived. When you got here (hesitation and downtrodden look on face), you saw me and I was pregnant. And to make it worse, I was living with some man and we weren’t even going to get married”

Wait no; not a dream, a nightmare. I have no inkling of maternal instincts whatsoever. I babysit solely for the monetary gains and I do adore Sammy and Rebecca, but that doesn’t mean I want to take them home with me.

Being told repeatedly that when I get older I’ll change my mind and want to marry and have children, is irritating and it only makes me hold my stance even more. Besides, this isn’t about you, it’s about me. It’s me not wanting to give in to some supposed pre-conceived notion that all women want to get married and have babies, that’s bull shit.

I have no ill will towards the opposite sex or babies. Babies are cute and cuddly, and as all of my friends know I will buy the little tyke cashmere from Ralph Lauren and take it on trips, but then I get to give it back. My mother confessed to me last summer that she never wanted to have children. “Seeing women in the park with children, was the most awful thing. This is why we only went to the park after 5:30pm, when normal people went”; i.e. normal childless people in business suits and Coach bags.

My parents separated when I was four after marrying due to my impending arrival and I’d rather not be put in that position. So it’s an unfounded fear, I know, and I’m only 21 and things may or may not end up this way; the point is that I don’t want to be in a position where I am forced to go through something like that alone. Mind you this entire idea has been fermenting for years but then I read about the unfortunate fate of a woman whose husband became unattracted to her after witnessing the birth of their first child. I realized that I've been on to something.

Compromise and change are good and I am open to both, but as of right now I feel that it's not in the cards; and I shouldn't be lambasted for not wanting to conform to society's thoughts on what women should want.

Although, should an attractive educated man with a sense of humor come my way though, with an adorable baby, I'd be more than accomadating. See? Compromise.


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