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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Vinyasa and Shavasana

“You're fine, all right, you're fit as a fucking fiddle”-Wonderboys

At times neurotic doesn’t even begin to describe what I am. The girl who has given herself TMJ and cries on her day off, because she forgot to send out one email. Some therapist is probably going to come across this and leave me a comment about the social disorder I have.

I get scared, I cry, I’m obsessive compulsive and I’m neurotic. I sometimes cry during 60 minutes.

“I didn’t know you were scared…”
“About what?”
“About life. Adult things”

This comes from someone I’ve known since I was 15. When you’re 21, knowing someone for six years is a pretty long time. But that’s not the point. The point is that I need to de-stress. Relax some. Yoga.

I used to be a gymnast then a cheerleader. In competition, I was in the very front, because I was the only one who could do a split. Good Lord, what I wouldn’t give to get back that flexibility. Yoga is supposed to relax you. Hot yoga-yoga done in a 97.8 degree room-gets out all of the toxins. The first time I went, I left on cloud fucking nine, like I’d had a shot of Prozac instead of espresso in my coffee.

Doing shavasana is the nice and easy part. It’s at the end. You lay there. You are nothing, you think of nothing, there is nothing to worry about. You’re just free. Vinyasas are the non-relaxing part. Where you’re doing planks and cobras and down dogs and you’re wondering whether or not the human body is meant to be in these positions. People laugh at yoga, but trust me, this shit’s not easy. Then again one can counter that and say that nothing is supposed to be that easy; and yes it gets relaxing over time.

(This is the part where I whine, speak in hyperbolas and become contradictory) I want to be less neurotic and more relaxed now. Which I would be if it wasn’t for people, not any specific person, but people in general, were all less OCD and could just live.

We all make mistakes, I fuck up all the time and I’ll be the first to admit my imperfections (but that requires several hours and several thousand dollars in therapy). It’s because I’m human. Despite popular beliefs I cry and I am terrified of failure. And I want to be in some Zen place, where I am nothing and need not worry about anything.

I know I know, give it time. Only time will tell…blah blah blah. A little shavasana would be just fabulous right now.


Blogger alana said...

I call that cloud nine feeling the Moksha Yoga High. (Although I suppose it could also be the Bikram Yoga High depending on what kind you do). Greatest feeling ever!

Sorry about the randomly placed comments, by the way. I'm a start-from-the-archives kinda girl.

7:29 PM  

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