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Thursday, October 06, 2005

It's Complicated

"Today, if you are not confused, you are just not thinking clearly."-U. Peter

Selective hearing has always been a problem. I could hear something 45 times and still ask you what you've just said. Unless you spell it out for me and walk me through it, I just won't comprehend it. Math and Spanish were the worst. I never paid attention and when I tried and finally was able to understand something, by taking copious notes, suddenly things change and not only do you have to find the value of X, but now you must find the value of X and Y. And my personal favorite, find the subjunctive form of the verb "Haber" never mind that I can't even use it in a present tense. But alas there is a God, and if I am forced to use something, I can master it; which explains my Spanish fluency and that I can find the degree of an angle with the Pythagorean Theorem.

After multiple (I don't know how better to emphasize the number of times this occurred) times of getting C's in both Spanish and Math, you would think that I would learn to listen better and to take better notes and just pay attention. Oh, but no. Just No. I could never sit and pay attention and not contemplate how great that shirt at Anthropologie would be with the new pants from Gap or not contemplate where to go grocery shopping this weekend (Trader Joe's or Wegman's). In a meeting- a fast paced (if you're not paying attention your boss will be stuck in east bumble fuck Montana for eight years) meeting, I should pay attention and look out for these things, but I don't. Instead I ask the person next to me (thank God for her) what I've just missed. Ahhhhh just like college.

I've made things complicated for myself. Not paying attention, begets, not knowing what is going on, which begets Heather B. walking around confused half the damn time. I'm sitting here now looking at 14 different pieces of paper, attempting to piece together what exactly will be going on for the next few weeks, I'm stumped. This is complicated shit, when perhaps it shouldn't be. As in, if I had paid attention to the changes when they happened the first time (and the 48 subsequent changes-keep up!) I would know just what's going on. It was fine for awhile, I had been proactive and figured things out, but then they changed on me and I just can't keep up. I've made it complicated for myself once again. And what I really need to do is sit down with someone and just ask. Such a simple, thing, but then we get into a "But I don't want to ask because I don't want to look dumb". When in reality, I should just ask because if you don't ever ask*, you never will know.

A vicious cycle you see. But you know, it's just complicated.

*For the record I admitted my ineptness and confusion. Things changed and there are wonderful people in the world that will sit down with me so that I'm not confused anymore. Maybe it's not that complicated.


Blogger Lizzie said...

what was that post about? sorry, wasn't paying attention.

just kidding.

I feel your pain. In the background my professor is talking about the how foreign portfolio investment effects the domestic economy but I'm fuzzy on the details (actually, on the big picture), because I'm not paying attention and am reading your blog instead. I know I should be paying attention. I just can't.

7:03 PM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

i just started taking spanish after work. i took french in high school so i thought i could pick it up easily, but it hasn't been so easy. mostly because i have a hard time wanting to be in class AFTER work.

9:24 PM  
Blogger The Girl Who said...

I had the distinc shame of taking a class in college called 'Conquering Math Anxiety'.. When math comes up, I tune out. Just reading your post brought the queasiness boiling back.

2:12 PM  

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