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Monday, October 10, 2005

Note to Self

When checking your work email at 11:30PM on your day off, makes you anxious and almost to tears, because someone has pretty much told you on numerous times how much you've done wrong and you continuously feel patronized; there's a problem.

This is going to be one of those situations in which I can let other people define my mood and how I feel about myself or I can just say, I'm doing the best that I can and if that's not good enough, tell me and I will attempt to do better. Because I must say at this point, I'm really fucking sick and tired of feeling like this. Feeling inept and like I'm a constant fuck up. You know what, I'm not.

There's a huge problem when one goes to work and is thisclose to tears every minute of the day. What the hell is wrong with me?? Yes, this is an adjustment period and yes this is hard, but my God, I spend everyday waiting for someone to tell me what I've done wrong. Even my days off, I know that somewhere someone is saying that I've done something terrible.

Enough. I've had it with myself and the fact that I have been letting other people make me upset and anxious and in need of (more) therapy.

I'm going to have one last good cry about work (since that's what I've done 75% of the time for the past two months) and I'm going to bed. In the morning, I will get up and run and go into work and I will be damned if I'm letting someone else's mood affect how I feel, because this is getting pretty fucking ridiculous.

(ahhhhh that felt better)

4 Comments:

Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Sometimes you just have to let it out...and avoid checking work email on your day off!

7:06 AM  
Blogger I-66 said...

amen to that... on my days off I won't even let "work" or "[my company name] enter my mind. That said, job-related anxiety - or whatever have you - is not fun, I know... but you seem to be rounding into the proper frame of mind.

8:24 AM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

My 1st job out of college was like high school French. One day I just woke up and realized I "got" it.

I hope that happens to you [and wish I could remember how to say that in french. :) ]

2:19 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

We'll have to see if I ever "get it" Might be later today, might be tomorrow, who knows.

2:56 PM  

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