My mother comes Monday. This is the same woman who while sitting in Ward circle last year said “I never wanted children. I used to see people in the park with their children and think it was the most awful thing. God, the screaming. This is why we only went to the park after 5:30 PM when all of the normal people went.” Yes, the normal people that go to parks at night in the dark, waiting to prey on little children.
This is also the same woman who when I attempt to get/give a hug and kiss when going to bed, she’ll put out her hand for me to shake. And when I tell her for the 18th time that I've run out of money (because I've spent it all on alcohol) and that I can't afford to shop at Whole foods (the horror!), she tells me "I hope your enjoyed your water for lunch, cause that's all you're getting." That’s love right there.
She also cringes when I try to hug and kiss her and tells me that she’ll do it later. And by later she means never.
She thinks I’m an alcoholic, and that I swear too much, and that I’m overly neurotic. She swears that I’ve received all of these traits from my father. And if you mess with one of her babies, she'll have to kick your ass (which is why a certain High School in upstate NY is being sued right now). The woman certainly covers her bases.
Nevertheless, she taught me about Coach, Stuart Weitzman, how to purchase jewelry (and I get it for EVERY holiday), to get my eyebrows waxed, that suites are an important item to have in one’s closet, to stand up straight and suck my tummy in, and she full on believes that I will one day be a Senator. If mom says it, it must be true.
Yup, she’s coming on Monday for work, and I have to make an appointment to see her. But who cares she’ll take me to Acadiana and shoe shopping and visit work so that my coworkers don’t think I’m the spawn of Satan.
Peg’s coming and my God, does it make me happy.
Labels: El Madre