One of the things I dislike most about myself (besides my lack of hotness. Ha!), is that I spew things out without fully thinking about what I'm saying or without explanation. I do it so often and then later in hindsight I realize what I've done. I contemplate retracting things that I've said and/or done, but no. That's not what needs to change. I read about this last week. That part of what makes someone an adult is the ability to edit oneself. I don't think that I need to edit myself to feel more like an adult. But I do need to realize how I approach things and situations and how they make me feel in the long run. It's not necessarily editing yourself, because when that happens-at least for me-everything is held in and I become a passive aggressive person who is upset all the time. That's not what I want. And that doesn't make me an adult, it makes me cranky.
60% of the time, I let what other people think and say and their moods, affect my mood. It's not work that's the problem and definitely not the place I work (I've said it time and time again that I have always wanted to work here), it's that I let what others do define my mood.
It's more about how I react to how the people around me are than getting frustrated.
This morning, during a routine scheduling meeting, something sunk in. Something that I can't quite get my finger on, but a realization that things aren't always sempiternal and that I can do more to make things less routine, but in a way things are starting to become more normal. I will at least for many years, have four people tell me to do the same thing. There will be a Mr. Lumbergh in every office. And sometimes people just won't say good morning before asking you to do something. And sometimes people just blatantly ignore me. These are things that I cannot change and I can complain about them to everyone and their brother (and I will), but it's best to not let things that cannot be changed by me alone, upset me.
It's just how things are; how people are. I can let it all make me more neurotic and upset or I can just let it go and move on. I'll choose the latter. And that's what will make me more of an adult.
*Addendum: I just received a pep talk of the "No you don't suck you're doing great so stop being a neurotic freak and taking things personally or I will have to drop kick your ass" variety. And just then, the smallest of smiles, crossed my face.
*Addendum part II: Sometimes it's smart to not ask questions. And don't even attempt to think of a reason for why people think the way they do, because in this world you will meet some very special people. Just roll with it. No worries, it will become routine.