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Tuesday, October 11, 2005


"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." ~Mary Engelbreit

One of the things I dislike most about myself (besides my lack of hotness. Ha!), is that I spew things out without fully thinking about what I'm saying or without explanation. I do it so often and then later in hindsight I realize what I've done. I contemplate retracting things that I've said and/or done, but no. That's not what needs to change. I read about this last week. That part of what makes someone an adult is the ability to edit oneself. I don't think that I need to edit myself to feel more like an adult. But I do need to realize how I approach things and situations and how they make me feel in the long run. It's not necessarily editing yourself, because when that happens-at least for me-everything is held in and I become a passive aggressive person who is upset all the time. That's not what I want. And that doesn't make me an adult, it makes me cranky.

60% of the time, I let what other people think and say and their moods, affect my mood. It's not work that's the problem and definitely not the place I work (I've said it time and time again that I have always wanted to work here), it's that I let what others do define my mood.
It's more about how I react to how the people around me are than getting frustrated.

This morning, during a routine scheduling meeting, something sunk in. Something that I can't quite get my finger on, but a realization that things aren't always sempiternal and that I can do more to make things less routine, but in a way things are starting to become more normal. I will at least for many years, have four people tell me to do the same thing. There will be a Mr. Lumbergh in every office. And sometimes people just won't say good morning before asking you to do something. And sometimes people just blatantly ignore me. These are things that I cannot change and I can complain about them to everyone and their brother (and I will), but it's best to not let things that cannot be changed by me alone, upset me.

It's just how things are; how people are. I can let it all make me more neurotic and upset or I can just let it go and move on. I'll choose the latter. And that's what will make me more of an adult.

*Addendum: I just received a pep talk of the "No you don't suck you're doing great so stop being a neurotic freak and taking things personally or I will have to drop kick your ass" variety. And just then, the smallest of smiles, crossed my face.

*Addendum part II: Sometimes it's smart to not ask questions. And don't even attempt to think of a reason for why people think the way they do, because in this world you will meet some very special people. Just roll with it. No worries, it will become routine.


Blogger Sub Girl said...

being adult is all trial and error, heather. i haven't quite learned how to be one myself. maybe when i stop being addicted to mtv and vh1, i'll feel more adult.

7:54 AM  
Blogger Patrick S said...

editing one's self? Is that like correcting one's life? can you say that "I'm correcting my life"? "Ich korrigiere mein Leben" said Hofmanstahl. How does one mean that?

2:52 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

In general, the time when you actually become an adult is hard to define. That said, editing one's self just means censoring yourself and what you say. Stephanie Klein says that's what makes her feel like an adult, and I disagreed.

P.S. Patrick you're from Canada?? My first international commenter. yay.

3:29 PM  

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