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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

BAWF*: The Wednesday/Thursday Edition

"Oh, wouldn't the world seem dull and flat with nothing whatever to grumble at? " ~W.S. Gilbert

Subtitled: I’ve got a lot of random shit to say, and I’ll be sittin’ pretty in New York City (I rhymed. Awesome) this weekend, so there.

I’m having my first bit of cottage cheese ever. And then I threw up a little bit. You see I have an aversion to poison ivy, silver, and things that are chunky/worm like (linguine) going down my throat. Cottage cheese falls in the ‘things that are chunky’ category. I figured, “hey I’m an adult now, Cottage cheese is good for you”. No it just made me want to vomit. No more cottage cheese. Ever. The end.

This first bit of cottage cheese was had in the middle of an endless amount of work and oh my god I am drowning under excel spreadsheets. Yuck. I’m doing deep breathing exercises and thinking Prague. Pilsner Urquell. Being many many pounds lighter. Happy happy thoughts.

Your girl HB, has been doing some running and hasn’t had a Salt & Vinegar chip (which I miss, oh so very much) in about two weeks. This has led to weight loss. Give her a pat on the back. Go me.

Oh so, 30 seconds ago when I was lamenting on how much I despise Excel…yeah, I’m reneging on that one. What I dislike is my severe ineptness and that I spent an hour trying to figure something out, that really wasn’t all that complicated. This just in Heather B. DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO USE EXCEL.

So I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this, but I am not all that competitive. But there are two areas where I am fiercely competitive: kayaking (I’ll kick your ass in a race), and elections. That said…I will give out my personal congratulations (cause you know they read this) to Governors Kaine and Corzine. Now I will skip along merrily and gloat, because I’m seven.

And finally...the city tomorrow. For some reason I don’t know why I am so excited about going. Maybe because it’s a long weekend and I’m getting new pants and frozen hot chocolate and spending time with my aunt and whew…that was a lot of reasons to be excited. Whatever, I’ll be in the city and away from DC. Thank God.

And I almost forgot about this. In my previous post, I wasn't saying that I am a celebrity because I am a blogger, but yes there are some bloggers who are "blogebrities". But I am not included in this category. I felt like I needed to say that, as there was some confusion.

Edit to Add: This morning, I drove to work, because I’m driving up to NY this evening. So I stop quickly and park, so that I can run and get my dry cleaning (I’ve been wearing the same pants for about three days. I figured it’s time for a change). Anyway, I get back to my car and change (in the middle of constitution avenue) and then head out. Now, the street that I’ve parked on, is one way and the continuation of this street on the other side of an intersection is a do not enter from 6:30 AM to 9:30 AM. You can see the motherfucking sign from 18 miles away. It’s giant and red and says DO NOT ENTER in bold letters. So I’m sitting at the light waiting to left and it turns green, but I must wait for the traffic coming towards me to make their turns before I can turn left. Because this is the way traffic works. Duh. So I’m sitting there and some motherfucking cock sucking bastard comes up behind me in his black ML 350 Benz with Virginia tags with a Virginia Tech license plate holder (if I see this asshole again, I’m running him over); and he starts beeping at me. I’m sitting there still waiting for the other cars to keep going, before I can turn and this asshole keeps beeping at me. Then he decides to speed up and pass me and screams out the window “What the fuck are you doing??” Then proceeds to speed forward into ON COMING TRAFFIC on a ONE WAY STREET. Because apparently he is blind and didn’t see the GIANT SIGN that said DO NOT ENTER 6:30 AM TO 9:30 AM (this was 8:15 AM). I’m like holy craptastic you’re about to die and just stared. Sadly (as I was hoping his stupid ass would get hit) he realized his error and reversed out of the one way street then passes me again and tells me to go fuck myself. Now here’s where my maturity kicks in…I scream out the window “It’s not my fault you’re retarded” and speed away.

Happy Thursday…(why is it always Thursdays when I have to deal with evil spawns of satan and asshats? I don’t get it)

Now VENT people, vent. Or just feel free to tell me how awesome I am.

*BAWF stands for Bitches are Whack Fridays. You can read the first installment here

26 Comments:

Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

That reminds me I need to buy a rhyming dictionary ;-)

Yum on Serendipity!

Thanks for visiting my blog, I'll be back...

8:40 AM  
Blogger wunelle said...

Indeed, you are awesome! And New York City makes even the most awesome of people moreso! I'm so envious I'm about to go into seizure.

8:41 AM  
Blogger Sharkbait said...

Have fun in NYC! I am going for Thanksgiving and the parade-cannot contain my excitement. Enjoy your weekend and be stress freeeee!!!

Does that ever happen?

9:25 AM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

Check with me next time before you try a new food. I could have told you cottage cheese was disgusting and saved you from throwing up a little.

Am I an awful person for wishing that jackass had crashed his Benz into oncoming traffic?

9:31 AM  
Blogger A Unique Alias said...

You know what would be effing delicious? Salt 'n vinegar chips dipped in Cottage Cheese. That sounds like a slice of fried gold to me.

10:49 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

lisab: glad you enjoyed it!

wunelle: thanks, I know. I'm really freaking excited about NY.

sharkbait: I'm hoping for it to be stress free, but seeing as how right now I have a weird headachy thing going on and I have to drive later, I'm starting to think it might me a little stressful.

Lizzie: I was hoping he would be seriously injured, but alas not. cottage cheese is the worst thing ever in life. I can't even think of a food I dislike more. seriously.

AUA: an answer to you above. I HATE cottage cheese. And there's no way I'm dipping my beloved S&V chips in it.

11:25 AM  
Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

I don't know what you mean by "blogebrity" but I think you handled the driving asshole a little mildly. This is why it's important to carry a shotgun in your passenger seat at all times. Road rage offers a much less stiff penalty than flat-out murder.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Mappy B said...

I don't love that you had a bad morning, but I love that you mentioned they were consistently on Thursdays. A friend of mine and I always call it 'Happy F-Me Thursday' because everything always falls apart of us on that day. Why is that? I can say that to you now. Happy F-Me Thursday. Welcome to our club.

12:10 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

I loved the asscorn who flashed his highbeams at both me and, later, another car, after we eached changed lanes from the 2nd to the left-most in front of him with about 1½ car lengths of space to work with in stop-and-go beltway traffic.

Unbelievable. What precisely was done wrong? If you don't want people sliding in in front of you, don't leave them so much space. Seriously, I could've gotten a giant U-Haul in the space he left me yet, somehow, I did something wrong and so too did the car who did it after me.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

armaedes: a "blogebrity" is a person who becomes famous because of their blog...Dooce, Stephanie Klein..etc. It's a dumb word, but that's not the point. Sometimes I'm tempted to carry around a shotgun. I would've shot that assholes tires out.

mappy b: yay! I love new clubs.

I-66: you could use a shotgun in your car as well. Why is it that people are completely unable to drive on the beltway?? They choose that moment to become dumbass fuckers and drive like idiots. Not you or I of course.

1:38 PM  
Blogger wunelle said...

Here I am again, getting all Wisconsin & shit. But I just gotta say...

I love cottage cheese. It's cheese, after all.

Get the 4% high-fat stuff and dip Carr's Table Water crackers in it.

Mmmmmmmm!

2:34 PM  
Blogger Sharkbait said...

I was just thinking how people can have t-shirts that say 'I am a bloglebrity..be jealous'

Love it!

3:26 PM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

carry a shotgun in the car? where are you from, armaedes? texas? ;-)

and sharkbait, I'll buy one of those t-shirts!

3:49 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

wunelle: cottage cheese is gross. The end. It's chunky. ewwwww. Now if we're going to talk good cheese, I would say brie, manchengo, but not anything of the cottage variety.

sharkbait: I want a tshirt! I'd rock that shit all over DC. Then Lizzie would definately spot me.

4:00 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

You're more of a blog-ebrity than most of us are. You should get a shirt for the next happy hour that says that! Too cute...

4:57 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Um. I'm dumb. I should have read your other comments first...

4:57 PM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Enjoy NYC. And don't eat the cottage cheese.

7:46 PM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

I HATE asshole drivers! Have fun in NYC! I'm jealous. And of Prague, too. Congrats on sticking with running too.

11:15 PM  
Blogger babyjewels said...

Excel is the WORST program ever. I have to do my time sheet in it (and that's the only use for it for me) and I can't stand it. God forbid I make a mistake and lose the formula. Then I spend an hour trying to figure out how to get it back.

Loved what you yelled at the guy.

7:53 AM  
Blogger RitMeyer said...

I love tellin asshat drivers they are retarded. It's was keeps me going. Have fun in NYC!

11:56 AM  
Blogger TL said...

Oh, I so would have loved for the ass hole driver to have been hit. Nothing joys me more than for someone to drive like an ass and pass me on the highway and then get caught. I so love to see them on the side of the road with the blue flashing lights in all their glory. I want to pull over and point and laugh like the 12 yr old I am. Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

I am a fan of the cheese from the cottage, I love to put dill pickles and olives in mine. Now my husband calls it cottage sleeze.

Have a great weekend in NYC.

4:21 PM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Yeah, I get so worked up over stuff like that-- I wish that asshole had been hit as he went the wrong way down the one-way street... that #$%(#%(* @%#(%*%...

4:28 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Cottage cheese is just wrong and evil.

Although, its a good dieting tool.

You eat it, it makes you upchuck and poof...however many calories were in the last thing you ate magically disappear.

:o)

5:09 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who despises cottage cheese with the amount of disdain that I have for the "evil spawn of satan". And for those of you who enjoy it, um ewww.

P.S. NY is fabulous. God, I miss home. I needed this

9:49 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

Two things:

You are a blogebrity. Or however it's typed.

You must not give up the S&V chips for very long. They are good for the soul, and without them, it makes way for Satan.

HAPPY NYC!

1:26 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Kris came out of her hangover to visit...I feel so special. :-)

8:38 PM  

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