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Friday, November 18, 2005

BAWF

"Oh, wouldn't the world seem dull and flat with nothing whatever to grumble at? " ~W.S. Gilbert

...No instead we'll begin with the fact that I've just discovered that my pimp name is (drumroll please) Deacon Dr. H Wicked. Word.

…Let’s begin with the chick walking down Constitution today with her winter coat, Uggs and (wait for it) white linen skirt. Because obviously it’s not November and 45 mother fucking degrees outside. Nope, nice and warm here in our nation’s capital. I wanted to reach out to her and say “Honey, not everyone can be Sienna Miller”. Poor girl.

…Now let’s say you’re a 25 almost 26 year old, only child, who recently lost a job, but then found a new one, and spent all of your money on drinks instead of the electric bill…would you be walking around (at damn near 30) acting like a seven year old and barking at the lovely Zen filled happy person that is your roommate? Or giving your roommate the silent treatment? I’m just wondering if this happens to all people once they get close to 30 or if I’m just really this fortunate to have this extra special person to myself.

…Let’s also say that at random your one year old cell phone keeps randomly powering off and saying that there’s a battery problem, even though you charged the fucking phone last night. So now you are forced to drive to umm Rockville or some crazy shit like that in order to get it fixed.

…And how about being treated like an inept retard everyday, but thankfully you’ve finally gotten over people and their inability to act like human beings. It’s weird, because there was a time when I would’ve gotten all upset but now I kind of just look at people while they’re freaking out and say “ok” then walk away and kind of laugh about it later, because seriously people, nothing is ever that serious.

…Then there’s rampant simony and nepotism and well that’s never something that you can do about that

…And finally, suppose that you have an awesome mother who suggests coming down to beat up the person that you abhor, but since that is illegal in 50 states and the District of Columbia, she suggests a VooDoo doll. She’ll supply the pins.

And this kids, is a reason for why Bitches are Whack. Happy Friday and Happy Weekend.

14 Comments:

Blogger green_canary said...

Love this post! And your mom? The coolest. Hands down.

3:57 PM  
Blogger AnnaBana said...

Kick him out already! Seriously, you don't have to put up with crap like that from a roommate. It's not like you're married. Have you started looking for a new roommate yet? If not, please do!

4:13 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

GC: well thank you, she's started to grow on me as well.

Anna: I wish I could kick him out, but he's been living there for longer.

It just really bothers me that he acts like this even though is almost freaking 30, I mean really now..!

5:26 PM  
Blogger Tanisha said...

Heather you are killing me girl and no we 30 year olds usually don't act so assinine. I swear some people are just dumbasses. And yes it so freeing to have the short hair. Oh, that goofy child with the linen skirt needed to be shot. Don't she know that style went out last winter. Oh I am sorry I forgot w are talking about DC.

Buono finito settimana-- Have a good weekend

5:38 PM  
Blogger wunelle said...

There are few problems M&Ms cannot fix. I live by this.

9:47 PM  
Blogger elisabeth said...

Your mum sounds lovely. But HEY - 25 year olds are NOT almost thirty thankyouverymuch!!!!!!! (No doubt your flatmate is an idiot though.)

3:42 AM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

I second Elisabeth's emotion. 25 is close to 30? 25?! Excuse me while I shoot my wrinkly old ass, really close to 30 self.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

All I'm saying is that 25 is closer to 30 than 22...;-) and actually he's going to be 26 soon anyway. Point is, I want him to get over whatever is bothering him.

6:17 PM  
Blogger NOLABrownsavvy said...

Hi, Heather...been a lurker for a while now. Love the blog, change the roommate.

1:50 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

I'm not sure why you have to make fun of my outfit in such a public forum, but it wasn't linen, it was jersey knit, dammit.

9:41 AM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

hahahah "not everyone can be sienna miller." awesome. roomate=not awesome.

6:51 PM  
Blogger MKD said...

Excuse me but it's my FAVORITE skirt. If you can't say something nice, then well I forget the rest, but seriously white is always a color, even in winter. I think I've made my point here.

9:04 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

Heather you crack me up! And FYI? My Mom knows where to get voodoo dolls as well :-)

10:09 AM  
Blogger Isabel said...

I am getting the same thing here in Seattle. It's as if people haven't figured out that IT'S FREEZING outside.

On Saturday, the mailman was wearing a short sleeved shirt and the USPS shorts that they wear. Except he had taken it upon himself to SHORTEN them.

Not a pretty sight (especially when it's like 40 degrees out!)

8:06 PM  

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