“Yeah, heel, toe, docie doe come on baby let's go boot scootinCadilac black jack, baby meet me outback we're gonna boogieOh get down, turn around go to town boot scootin' boogie”
I kid you not, I chose to heel toe docie doe my way through the fifth grade as a member of the Broncos Pop Warner football cheerleading squad. It blew. It blew like a 16 year old girl on prom night. Nothing says kill me now like being in a tiny skirt in November in upstate New York. The only plus were the football hotdogs and hot chocolate and the DC Pizza. Thankfully I had the right mind to quit cheerleading and go into soccer, but many of my friends remained on the job. For example the lovely Mo C who became captain of the varsity cheerleading squad and dated the captain of the football team. I was most proud when she was named Homecoming queen. All of this is shocking I know, but very true.
This isn’t about cheerleading though; well actually it is about a form of cheerleading. As stupid as it all sounds, everyone needs a little morale. Just a little something to keep them going when the shit hits the fan and the score is 36-0 and your quarterback has just been sacked. Everyone just needs someone to listen and cheer them on when the bad stuff happens, even if is your own fault. I hate being sappy more than anything on earth, but having a blog about this, the most shittiest year ever (even worse than the cheerleading year, because at least then I was 10 years old and wasn’t forced to use my own money for anything except for candy), has been quite the therapeutic little undertaking, and considerably cheaper I might add. I don’t know if all of this quarter life neurotic nonsense is normal or not. And I really don’t care, because each and every time I have an inane complaint, you all come up with a comment saying “Yup, been there done that, but it gets better” and if it doesn’t get better, then there’s always alcohol.
So when Random House comes at me with a book offer to write a novella about the most craptastic year ever; I’ll make sure that y’all get a “Holla” on the first page.