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Monday, November 28, 2005

Diaries of a Misanthrope

"Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone. " ~Paul Johannes Tillich, The Eternal Now

It’s funny now, not just because it’s true, but because I’ve learned to appreciate it. The truth is that through the end of elementary school through the 8th grade, I was not the most popular person in the world. Frankly, friends were minimal. I was that annoying girl who talked way too fucking much and religiously shopped at Old Navy unaware that there was such thing as Gap. It was sad really. I wore vests and played the clarinet. I was shunned by the “popular” girls, who I’ve come to determine were nothing but a bunch of bitchy whores (nearing pretentious cunt-dom, but I won’t go that far).I wish I were kidding, but no, they were whores. As a matter of fact one is now the proud owner of a four year old. But I digress. I had no friends, everyone made fun of me and of course it was a complete shit time, but I learned to amuse myself and spend time alone. A quality that came in handy I would say. I learned to have no interest in hanging out with people who so obviously disliked me and made it a point to not go out of my way to be nice to them. By high school, I had friends and had gained some modicum of popularity, but by then I was perfectly content with not forcing myself to be friends with people and just letting it go.

Fast forward to now, a time of alcohol and holy motherfucker, real life friends. What is a xenophobic misanthrope to do? I’m perfectly content being alone (thus the reason for why my pastimes include golf, kayaking, blogging and grocery shopping-no one else is involved). When I had my studio apartment, you couldn’t have paid me enough to come out and actually fraternize with other human beings. Those motherfuckers can be hurtful and mean and well I just don’t like to get dressed. There were weekends, where I’d stay in the entire time that is until LB forced me to come out, but that had to be something I was notified of well in advance and even then the prospect of me coming out was slim to none. Now that I have actual friends, when they call I am expected to call back. When I am invited out, I am expected to attend or at least call/IM to say whether or not I will be attending. While home this past weekend, I had the most difficult time leaving the house for the most part. People wanted me to come see apartments and go downtown to Albany and I was more than content to stay in and get my fill of Spike Lee Joints. All of this while G went out every night and came home every morning with a hangover. Yes, there might be something wrong with me, I don’t like people, especially people who spent the better part of my adolescence calling me names; but I suppose now it might be a little easier with a vodka tonic in hand.

14 Comments:

Blogger green_canary said...

Right on, sister-friend. I'm the same way, and I was relatively popular in school. (At least among my set, which wasn't THE popular group, but one of the fringe popular groups. Or maybe I just made that up in my head. Hmmm... *thinking*)

11:55 AM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

As someone that's not particularly fond of people myself, I can completely sympathize with your misanthropic ways. (I think you have to be fairly misanthropic to enjoy blogging as much as I do- all of the pontificating to a (maybe not so) captive audience, none of that pesky human interaction.)

Also, what does it say about my social skills that I thought LB was referring to Laguna Beach?

I really like that quote at the top by the way.

1:32 PM  
Blogger Sharkbait said...

Hey girl-I was that same girl. Except it was piano lessons and braces with headgear. I was the butt of every joke and did not start to have friends until about 9th grade. I was content with me and I did not want to be around all the negative crap that goes on in high school. I was never popular, well liked, but not someone people went out of their way to talk to. When I return to 'Cuse, I am totally fine with hanging with my fam and myself.

This has led me to being able to spend hours writing letters and reading books...and that makes me perfectly happy.

Same page girlfriend same page.

1:47 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Glad that we're all on the same page on this one.
And for the record, LB is my best friend, not Laguna Beach.

(notice Lizzie that I didn't mention anything about blocking you from my blog or about you being Queen Lizzie of the Great Land of Procrastinators?)

2:06 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

I was medium-popular in high school (according to blogthings.com... kidding). But lately, I've been staying home more. I like the quote as well. I definitely cherish solitude more and more.

Oh, and is something wrong with Old Navy? If so, I really need to know :-)

2:26 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

There's nothing wrong with old navy, it's just that at the time, everyone was shopping at Abercrombie (the horror! seriously) and I was stuck at old navy. But I shop there now, I bought a fleece blanket from there for $5 on friday.

2:29 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

I was teased all the way through senior year of high school. The NJ hosers called me birdwoman and followed me down the hall making clucking noises. Yes, in 12th grade, these things still happened. The way I see it, it helped make me the person I am today (contented in my narcissism).

2:48 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

birdwoman??? whatever. they're asshats and you're hot, fuck 'em.

Yay narcissism, I think that we deserve it after years of adolescent hell.

3:54 PM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

i'm also misanthropic! and oddly enough, narcisstic even though i have self-esteem issues. hm...

4:32 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

I forced you to come out? Ohhh, someone else ;-)

The best revenge on those horrid women in high school is to have a GREAT life. Give them something to really hate you for you know? Having been to reunion, may I say revenge is very very sweet lol.

5:01 PM  
Blogger nu. said...

i'm in that "prefer to be alone" phase right now myself. friends are great, but for now, an extended me-time is what i'm content with.
don't know if that's a good thing or not. lol

8:31 PM  
Blogger babyjewels said...

Ah, I was the fat kid in grade school and jr. high. Always good for the self-esteem and popularity. But by highschool, while I wasn't popular or yearning to be, I wasn't teaseable and still had my core group of friends. I don't know where the mean girls ended up, but I know it can't be too good. You can't be that much of a bitch and reap good karma.

7:35 AM  
Blogger lorie said...

Ooh, I'm just like this. Let's be friends except the kind of friends who never talk on the phone or hang out or any of that crap. It'll be awesome. We can just leave comments on each other's blogs all day.

11:22 AM  
Blogger ryguy9296 said...

You used misanthrope in a sentence. Cool.

11:16 AM  

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