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Sunday, November 13, 2005

Follow Directions

"We're still not where we're going, but we're not where we were." ~Natash Jasefowitz

What drives us to do the things that we do? Are people that are not driven, just afraid of failure? If they don’t become as successful as they had hoped and dreamed, then they might be disappointed. Without a goal or something to look forward to, they will never experience the act of failure or the sadness that comes with disappointment.

Rachel quit her well paying job at Verizon to go back to school to become a doctor- "go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've always imagined". She’s 34. Six figures gone, just like that. Today she perused the Tiffany’s catalogue whimpering “look at the tea and creamer set. It’s only $750”. She went from buying me mikimotos and Tiffany’s to staying at home and spending her days watching Ellen and the View in between doing her Physics labs. God, I miss that life. The point is she gave up what she had as a tax accountant/auditor to do what she had been discouraged to do years before. She had wanted to attend Hampton University and become an OB/GYN but instead she attended St. John’s University and became an auditor. Yup the pay is good, but ummm, if you can name another good quality give me a ring.

Then there’s the ever gracious Stephanie Klein. No matter what one says about the girl, she’s doing what she’s always wanted to do. There’s that jealousy and envy-ok well I’ve sure as hell have been envious of her. She has this drive, determination and success that I only hope to have one day and has spent her entire life working towards this goal. I sought her out for advice and she was more than willing to help. And damn it she’s nice and sweet too.

Why can’t I have that? I’m comfortable with me and I know what I want, but I always feel like there’s something missing. I feel like I’m not pushing myself enough. I have goals. I guess I’m just impatient. I want things now, not in four years, but in four days. Yeah, we see where my impatience has gotten me. I was impatient to graduate and become an adult. Now I have rent due and $200 in savings and a busted ipod. Patience is a virtue my friends.

All in all, I needed this weekend for my cognitive diarrhea. To have a day alone perusing the city and shopping and seeing Stephanie-which was more like seeing an old friend-and to just think and not worry about having to run around and be here, there and everywhere.
I realize now that I was so excited to come to NY because I needed a weekend away.

And tomorrow I get four hours of me time. Time to think about how that massage yesterday was the most action I’ve gotten in a long long long time and that Monday is the end of a great run of Laguna (I'm tearing up a little as I write this-cause what will I do without LC, Kristen and Jason's dumbass to fill my days?). Yup, just me, a little Kanye, Cinnabon and the wonder of the Jersey turnpike.


Blogger babyjewels said...

I really admire people who can just change courses and mid-stream (like the auditor) and restart their lives. That takes a brave person. It's taken me 39 years to finally be able to find harmony between what I want to do for a living and what kind of money I want to make. Both are a little bit of a compromise, but it works out.

Please, let's not even talk about laguna. I'm crushed to see it ending monday. damn those rich spoiled kids for making me care!

1:12 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I SO want a massage at Bliss in London, I'm just trying not to waste money on things that aren't absolute necessities at the moment.

I do keep looking at the website and sighing wistfully though lol

2:05 PM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

I firmly believe impatience is a virtue. So don't worry about being impatient... it's a good thing.

I didn't know Monday was the last LB episode.


2:32 PM  
Blogger Justin Kreutzmann said...

All good things in all good time...and that time is whenever you say it is.

5:36 PM  
Blogger StephanieKlein said...

It was wonderful to meet you, and next time you're in town, the drink is absolutely on me. And just so you know, I think we all worry we're not pushing ourselves hard enough in the direction of our dreams. We're all worried we won't have enough courage. You're not alone.

7:58 PM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

a weekend away can do wonders!

Ugh, I'm so sad about the end of Laguna on Monday! Monday nights just won't be the same.

9:18 PM  
Blogger Namaste said...

Funny, when I was in NYC last weekend, a friend of mine said that she couldn't imagine "sacrificing" as much as I have to pursue a PhD. I have never once thought of it this way. We are all on our individual journeys, I guess. Props to you for the "me" time. Sounds like a good time.

10:34 AM  
Blogger green_canary said...

I was totally in NY this past weekend as well! What a small world!

I am so envious of the people who can run full tilt towards their dreams, no matter how long it takes. I start off with gusto, but I peeter out quickly. I wish that dreams could be achieved overnight. I'd be SUCH the go-getter that way :-)

11:34 AM  

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