What drives us to do the things that we do? Are people that are not driven, just afraid of failure? If they don’t become as successful as they had hoped and dreamed, then they might be disappointed. Without a goal or something to look forward to, they will never experience the act of failure or the sadness that comes with disappointment.
Rachel quit her well paying job at Verizon to go back to school to become a doctor- "go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've always imagined". She’s 34. Six figures gone, just like that. Today she perused the Tiffany’s catalogue whimpering “look at the tea and creamer set. It’s only $750”. She went from buying me mikimotos and Tiffany’s to staying at home and spending her days watching Ellen and the View in between doing her Physics labs. God, I miss that life. The point is she gave up what she had as a tax accountant/auditor to do what she had been discouraged to do years before. She had wanted to attend Hampton University and become an OB/GYN but instead she attended St. John’s University and became an auditor. Yup the pay is good, but ummm, if you can name another good quality give me a ring.
Then there’s the ever gracious Stephanie Klein. No matter what one says about the girl, she’s doing what she’s always wanted to do. There’s that jealousy and envy-ok well I’ve sure as hell have been envious of her. She has this drive, determination and success that I only hope to have one day and has spent her entire life working towards this goal. I sought her out for advice and she was more than willing to help. And damn it she’s nice and sweet too.
Why can’t I have that? I’m comfortable with me and I know what I want, but I always feel like there’s something missing. I feel like I’m not pushing myself enough. I have goals. I guess I’m just impatient. I want things now, not in four years, but in four days. Yeah, we see where my impatience has gotten me. I was impatient to graduate and become an adult. Now I have rent due and $200 in savings and a busted ipod. Patience is a virtue my friends.
All in all, I needed this weekend for my cognitive diarrhea. To have a day alone perusing the city and shopping and seeing Stephanie-which was more like seeing an old friend-and to just think and not worry about having to run around and be here, there and everywhere.
I realize now that I was so excited to come to NY because I needed a weekend away.
And tomorrow I get four hours of me time. Time to think about how that massage yesterday was the most action I’ve gotten in a long long long time and that Monday is the end of a great run of Laguna (I'm tearing up a little as I write this-cause what will I do without LC, Kristen and Jason's dumbass to fill my days?). Yup, just me, a little Kanye, Cinnabon and the wonder of the Jersey turnpike.