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Monday, November 14, 2005

Lead Me Not Into Temptation

"Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. "~Robert Orben

…to sit at my computer and will people to update their blogs or to develop a method to read blogs through osmosis because I have a headache and all this scrolling is going to make me throw up

…to punch and/or trip and/or swear at the gaggle of 16 year olds who ran into the H & M on 5th screaming at the top of their lungs “OH MY GAWWWWD! IT’S SO FREAKING HUGE”. It’s a store ladies, not a penis. Let it go.

...to announce to everyone that when Oprah started I was the ripe old age of two. Two. damn.

…to give my roommate the evil eye when he tells me he didn’t pay the Pepco bill because I didn’t give him the check. A) I left it on the refridgerator B) If I was waiting on a check from someone and didn’t get it on time, I would have probably called that person and said where the fuck is my money dumbass. But no, he didn’t, so now our Pepco bill is late for the second time in a row.

…to eat the bowl of chocolate covered pretzels sitting in front of our office suite. Because I totally will

…to question another’s motives for being hateful fuckers who can kiss my ass

…to cry when all I want to do is here the Scientist and I can’t because stupid ass ipod

…to complain about my ipod once again, because it’s getting annoying for the people that have to read about me bitching about my ipod. But maybe I would stop if my parents would buy me a knew one. Then again, there’s a better chance of hell freezing over than me getting a new ipod before Christmas.

…to spend the very last play money that I have on Marah, Kanye and Oscar Wilde (I think ‘eclectic’ is the word you’re looking for here).

…to weigh myself yet again, because I really do not need to know if it’s 7lbs I’ve lost or 7.5

…to bitch slap my friends from home specifically the one who makes $40,000 working for KPMG and lives with her parents, but still complains. I wish I could live with my parents and make $40,000 to spend on an Xterra and/or new Dior sunglasses.

…to post that Rachel (you all remember Rachel) said that she has a fall out shelter in her basement to protect her from terrorists and/or natural events…but a fall out shelter wouldn’t protect anyone from the second coming of the Lord. One day I will tape record the shit she says, so we can all do a little collective eye rolling/laughing.

…to say “Will Update this later bitches” because calling my readers “bitches” will tempt them to not be my readers

…to write a list in replace of actual sentence structure because I’m lazy like that

6 Comments:

Blogger green_canary said...

"It’s a store ladies, not a penis. Let it go." *laughing* That's the best... I'm making that my Auto Signature on my e-mail.

1:25 PM  
Blogger darlin nikki said...

^^^totally beat me to the punch there green ;)

and i wouldn't worry too much about the lil 'bitches' comment cuz i luv it when u do me so wroooong, ha! offices/companies should think about ipods as production tools cuz this low moral is going to lead to low output. ahh, it would be good.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Mappy B said...

thanks for the Georgia's Browns idea. i was thinking about that. i lived in south georgia for a year, and i am craving some good food. shopping in georgetown is a must. sephora is calling me....

3:24 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

Yup I would want to bitch slap her as well.

And my eyes are KILLING me today, too much blogging!!!

3:53 PM  
Blogger the belligerent intellectual said...

Sentences really are hard. I don't know what it is, but adding a subject to a predicate just doesn't seem worth it sometimes.

And chocolate covered pretzels might just be the most underrated chocolate snack of all time.

4:31 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

GC: haha, thanks, but seriously I was going to throw them off the balcony

DN: I really miss my ipod. It's sad.

Mappy B: all I have to say about Georgia Brown's is Chocolate Fountain. damn.

LisaB: blogging leads to headaches, carpal tunnel and blindness. beware.

BI: thank you for the grammar lesson (seriously) I was trying to figure out if the sentence structure worked, alas it does not. I was not an english major. Law, Economics and Government yes, but english, no.

4:42 PM  

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