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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

No Pasa Nada

"I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part." ~Shirley MacLaine

I’ve spent so much of my life wanting to be someone or something else; never fully happy with just being me. I wanted so and so’s hair or this person’s smile or that person’s perfect body. Is this a major flaw? I don’t know, doesn’t everyone think that way at some point or another? I would say the answer is yes. We meet and see others and we take apart of them with us. They would never have been noticed, if there hadn’t been something about them to make them stand out. We see something in others that we don’t have in ourselves. The looks, the hair, the popularity, the skills; it’s human nature I suppose. Sad, but true. I can fully admit that I’ve been a culprit as much as the next person.

This is how we find our friends, lovers, and soul mates. They possess qualities that we want, which in turn makes them our better halves. I have friends, whom I know I could never live without because they understand me as I am, and I understand them as they are, the nice part being that we’re able to compliment each other. When I finally found these friends, it was like a breath of fresh air. They understood me and could take me and my bullshit and the (at times) overwhelming depression. All I have to say is thank God for that. Thank God, for them.

It’s taken me a little over 22 years of constant change and stress and just plain old life for me to even remotely come to grips with the person that I am now and the person that I would like to become. I like to do things at my own pace, which includes, realizing what I want out of my life and realizing what really makes me happy, without fear of what others might say. Being alone watching a movie makes me happy. Golfing alone makes me happy. Grocery shopping, yoga, a good run, my favorite turtleneck sweaters, my “fuck me” boots; even my job make me happy. I complain, my God, do I complain. I become neurotic and stressed out, but I am learning how to stop myself from becoming this way and to just go with it. I’ve learned to control and curb my behavior and the bad things that I let in.

The Spanish say “No Pasa Nada”; which means nothing happened; “Hakuna Matata” if you will; it means no worries. It means going through life not worrying about every little thing and just rolling with it. For me, it’s just being myself and not wasting time or energy worrying about every little thing. Not worrying about why I am/cannot be like someone else and instead just being myself.
22 years and I’m finally starting to understand. I like to do things on my own schedule and when it’s right for me. And for the first time ever, my procrastination and my little time table hasn’t come to bite me in the ass. It has finally helped me, be me.


Blogger Sharkbait said...

Girlfriend I totally understand. I am feeling the same way and it started around when I turned 23. You just become okay with things and start to like you for you and you realize how unique and special you are. If we were like everybody else, then people would be boring.

I think this post is great, and you took the words right out of my mouth!

10:32 AM  
Blogger wunelle said...

A lovely post.

"This is how we find our friends, lovers, and soul mates. They possess qualities that we want, which in turn makes them our better halves."

It's the essence of "opposites attract."

I hope this find you in a sunny, peaceful place.


10:56 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

At first when I wrote those, I was like "that's kind of nice. I'm a freaking sap, but how nice". Yeah, peaceful and sunny, though it's not even noon yet, so we'll see how long it lasts.
thanks for the compliments though.

11:51 AM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

The person who sees beauty in herself (and her flaws) is truly a lucky person.

I started to read and was just waiting for the snarky never came. Meh, that's what tomorrow is for.

12:56 PM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

it's exciting to have these moments when you can actually look at yourself from the outside and realize who you are. Good for you!

1:01 PM  
Blogger elisabeth said...

Girl - do remember this post when life gets too stressful and you find yourself on the verge of a breakdown because you say yes to everybody and everything, because you think that the only way to be complete is if you do it ALL!
It took me a long, hard, horrible year to realise that it's totally okay to just BE you, and do exactly what you want to do!

(That's not to say that you can't steal the hair-do of the chick next to you on the bus, though. Or pretending to be Scarlet Johanson when life gets a bit boring... :) )

1:44 PM  
Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I noticed a big change, too, the year I turned 23. That was the year that I really started getting comfortable in my own skin, and stopped apologizing for being the person I am.

It gets better from here. :)

2:36 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Ca said...

I agree that we look for in our friends and partners what we are lacking in ourselves. My husband is much less reserved and much more agressive than I ever have been. He also helps me draw out those qualities that I have but that I'm afraid to express. He does complete me. As to many of my friends. It's wonderful to have these kinds of people in your life.

3:36 PM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

I agree with the other ladies-- 23 was a big year for me, too (24, too), so maybe it is for many people. It's a good feeling if you can be comfortable with yourself even part of the time. Good for you for being on the right track.

5:05 PM  
Blogger ann said...

Great post. And a even better lesson to learn. It's a lesson that you'll continually be learning throughout your life, in deeper and even more meaningful ways. At least, that's my experience.

Thanks for the reminder to enjoy myself as I am.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I have no snarky 'humour' today. It's an election day. Election Days freak me out.

And for you poor people who ventured over here from, I am so sorry.

It's funny, this morning I had this great realization, but you know tomorrow, I'm going to be like holy mother craptastic. That's just the way it goes.

5:43 PM  
Blogger Isabel said...

You what's good, is the older you get the wiser you get also. It won't be long until you're running this World!!

You know what else is good? Life just gets better and better every year. I mean it...every year has been much better then the last!

5:50 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Sounds like 23 is a pivotal year all around!

I've just gone through a summer of traumas, counselling - the works. Its been a really rough time but I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have before.

I'm still learning, which I think is relly important. At this sort of age there is SO much to find out about yourself.

Sounds like you've just started that journey...enjoy!


5:55 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

I've gone through many of these moments in the past ten years. I find myself, get a little lost, but eventually make it back again. Comforting to know that others do too.

6:03 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Kris, now you know what No Pasa Nada means. and why ever would you think it means "no more beer"? Who would say no to beer?

6:23 PM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

I feel like I'm in remedial maturity 101. I didn't know I was supposed to have some transformation out at 23. No one told me! I'm 27 and still trying to figure it all out.

8:38 PM  
Blogger Mappy B said...

i love it, you wrote that so truthfully. i remember going through that phase, and just remember that it will get better. i just turned 28, and i am finally happy with myself, not caring (so much, at least) about what people think, about my hair, bags, labels (although i do love being a label whore), and everything. being 22 can be fun and awful. i think you are doing great. it sounds like you have a great job, and an exciting life. and yeah, election days are stressful - i hope your candidate won!

10:19 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

As a final little thought to this post (because I can, cause I am the ruler!) I'm glad you all enjoyed this, because when I wrote it I thought it was complete shit. And now, reading it again, I'm all "who the fuck wrote this. Not I", I'm going to start quoting myself-ok not really. I sent this to my mother, who showed it to her co worker and her co worker actually cried.
Ok, I wouldn't say that I usually move people to tears, but umm sure ok. Seriously though, thanks.
(oh and don't expect shit like this all the time)

12:38 PM  
Blogger babyjewels said...

Good submission to NGNYW. Glad to read it, and hope you have a good holiday.

10:04 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Wow, what a great read.

9:54 AM  
Anonymous Sanora said...

I'm glad you picked this one to submit because it's a nice year end reminder for resolutions and moving on.

12:06 PM  

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