No Pasa Nada
I’ve spent so much of my life wanting to be someone or something else; never fully happy with just being me. I wanted so and so’s hair or this person’s smile or that person’s perfect body. Is this a major flaw? I don’t know, doesn’t everyone think that way at some point or another? I would say the answer is yes. We meet and see others and we take apart of them with us. They would never have been noticed, if there hadn’t been something about them to make them stand out. We see something in others that we don’t have in ourselves. The looks, the hair, the popularity, the skills; it’s human nature I suppose. Sad, but true. I can fully admit that I’ve been a culprit as much as the next person.
This is how we find our friends, lovers, and soul mates. They possess qualities that we want, which in turn makes them our better halves. I have friends, whom I know I could never live without because they understand me as I am, and I understand them as they are, the nice part being that we’re able to compliment each other. When I finally found these friends, it was like a breath of fresh air. They understood me and could take me and my bullshit and the (at times) overwhelming depression. All I have to say is thank God for that. Thank God, for them.
It’s taken me a little over 22 years of constant change and stress and just plain old life for me to even remotely come to grips with the person that I am now and the person that I would like to become. I like to do things at my own pace, which includes, realizing what I want out of my life and realizing what really makes me happy, without fear of what others might say. Being alone watching a movie makes me happy. Golfing alone makes me happy. Grocery shopping, yoga, a good run, my favorite turtleneck sweaters, my “fuck me” boots; even my job make me happy. I complain, my God, do I complain. I become neurotic and stressed out, but I am learning how to stop myself from becoming this way and to just go with it. I’ve learned to control and curb my behavior and the bad things that I let in.
The Spanish say “No Pasa Nada”; which means nothing happened; “Hakuna Matata” if you will; it means no worries. It means going through life not worrying about every little thing and just rolling with it. For me, it’s just being myself and not wasting time or energy worrying about every little thing. Not worrying about why I am/cannot be like someone else and instead just being myself.
22 years and I’m finally starting to understand. I like to do things on my own schedule and when it’s right for me. And for the first time ever, my procrastination and my little time table hasn’t come to bite me in the ass. It has finally helped me, be me.