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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

About Last Night

"When the superficial wearies me, it wearies me so much that I need an abyss in order to rest. " ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943

One of my favorite misanthropic qualities is my ability to go out to a movie or for drinks alone. I do so without a single thought of what others may think of me, because as I have recently discovered, I really could give two shits. That said, last night I took myself on a date to one of my favorite bars and just sat and people watched. Me, a few dirty vodka martinis, three Marlboros, and a plate of calamari.

I sat and watched the table of co workers who were out for a little happy hour. Particularly the behavior of what one would call “the cute blond” of the group. She flirted mercilessly with every male at the table, after drowning her sorrows in some sort of girly concoction (I only know this from the color-pink). In reality she was nothing special, just a blond girl with giant diamonds, who felt the need to throw herself and/or grope every man in eyesight. At one point, she decided that it would be a good idea to blow into the ashtray, thus sending ashes all over her colleagues. Obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed. Blondie’s, younger, brown haired and less attractive sister showed up, and consumed beer. She seemed much more at ease with the males at the table. Needless to say, I liked her better.

Then there were the women sitting at the table next to mine. A beautiful black woman with dreadlocks and her co worker, who felt the need to speak to me intermittently. Note to this woman: if I’m alone, I’m probably not too interested in chatting it up with my fellow (wo)man, so be off. The black woman was trying to get her co worker to join a yoga studio with her and her co worker was more interested in eating the olives out of her martini. Priorities people.

And of course me and my martinis. Sitting and wondering who blondie would be hooking up with that night; and whether or not blondie’s sister ever felt like she was inadequate or not as loved as her skankier sister. Also would the co workers find happiness in each other? Would the chubbier coworker ever go to yoga? Or would she see it as a fruitless effort for yuppies (I include myself in that category)? Would blondie’s male cohort, stop staring and winking at me?

The above deep thoughts not withstanding, I did have a few thoughts on my own predicaments as of late. Which aren’t actual predicaments, but just the general crap that comes with the holidays. Then there was the constant battle with myself as to how open I am being and why, what I see as a minor detail of my life; others see as a huge thing that is completely incomprehensible. This “minor detail” is something which others have no problem with announcing to the world and kudos to you, but for me, it’s never been a big deal and telling the internet/blogosphere/world wide web-at least to me- would be making it a bigger deal than it ever needs to be.

With that, I removed my inebriated self from the bar; gave a wink back to Mr. flirt from the table next to me, and told the chubby coworker to just do the yoga; for all of our sakes. She asked where I worked and I told her, thus sending me into a 20 minute conversation about where I go for yoga and more assvice about my job. She noted how “cool” it was that I was able to sit by myself and have a few drinks. And I replied back, “sometimes a girl just needs her alone time.”

*and yes I am very well aware that I just outed my "minor detail". That was kind of the point.


Blogger Mappy B said...

yeah, i'm the first post! i'm happy for you that you are able to go out on your own like that. i love doing that, but i don't do it as often as i would like. i'd say let's meet up and go out alone, but that would be against the point :) also, i have many friends, much older than you, also attractive and successful that also share your minor detail. no biggie. unless of course, you feel it is. it's all about self perception.

12:38 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Well first Heather, let me commend you on your courageous effort on going out by yourself. It takes someone who is comfortable in their own skin to do this. I was shy at one point in my life, and when I finally went to a bar by myself—with no one else, it forced me to be more sociable. I wanted to be able to speak freely to anyone that would talk to me. I am not quite the extrovert, and it has done wonders in my life.

You said:

“I’m probably not too interested in chatting it up with my fellow (wo)man, so be off.”

See, the thing I see bizarre with this statement is, when you sit yourself at a bar---you are sitting yourself in a social situation. Free for all- talk to anyone. When I see someone who doesn’t speak up at a bar, or doesn’t partake in conversations that they are invited in---I see a shy, introverted person who doesn’t like people very much.

Please don’t take that the wrong way. Now, if you sat yourself at a table by yourself…then I would see this as a sign that you wanted to be alone.

Just an outsider’s view from a person who has an assigned seat at the local tavern.


1:45 PM  
Blogger Isabel said...

I love seeing movies alone. I don't think I have ever gone to a bar alone, but I am *so* not above it.

Good for you.

1:48 PM  
Blogger Neil said...

That's great that you go out yourself. I go to movies and out to eat by myself, but I would be a little too self-conscious to go to a bar by myself. But maybe I'll take a lesson from you.

2:09 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I think I made it seem like I go out alone all of the time. While I do go to the movies by myself on occassion, I've only gone and had a drink by myself about three or four times. Last night was one of the first nights that I found myself really comfortable and not caring about one anyone thought of me.

Deb, I'm definately not offended. I was sitting at a table by myself and she would randomly talk to me while her friend was trying to talk to her about the yoga thing. It was amusing, that she was more interested in what I was doing than in her friend. But I agree, if I see someone alone at a bar, I would totally talk to them, but alone at a table means that they obviously wanted to be alone.

2:24 PM  
Blogger green_canary said...

Rock on, girl. Like mappy b, I have many friends who share the same minor detail. I think it's tre chic :-)

I zone out the best in loud social settings. Great napping environment, in my opinion.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

I think the girl who throws herself at every man soon becomes a joke to most everyone.

And now, I will be doing self-analysis for the rest of the afternoon. Thanks. This really made me think...

2:40 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Sounds like Jessica and Ashley Simpson were at your bar last night. I have too much social anxiety (yes, do you believe that?) to sit at a bar by myself. Restaurants I can do for sure...bars, hell no. I can't even wait 5 minutes if a friend is meeting me. I envy you for that.

2:45 PM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

Ditto the others- I think that's awesome that you can go out by yourself like that. I've tried it a few times and just feel too conspicuous. Either I get looks of sympathy from people or men assume I'm trying to find someone to go home with. I'm sure most of it's in my mind, but I just can't feel comfortable. maybe I should give it another shot though.

2:47 PM  
Blogger webcowgirl said...

Movies, I have done alone plenty of times. It bothers me less to drink alone than to eat alone. I think if I took up smoking it would at least give me something to figit with inbetween drinks.

3:02 PM  
Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I love going out by myself; I'm an incurable people watcher, and the spectacle can be pretty damn amusing.

As far as your "minor detail" goes - I can't tell if you're uncomfortable that it exists, or just uncomfortable talking about it.

4:30 PM  
Blogger Grad School Reject said...

As someone who travels a lot for my job I have ample opportunity to sit in bars (mostly hotel bars) and eat/drink alone. It is a great place for people watching, and I only get self-conscious when I realize the bartenders know my name, age, and family background. That is when it is time to step back, look in the proverbial mirror and ask the question: Do I need a new bar?

5:44 PM  
Blogger Dutchess said...

I second GSR. I can easily go out to hotel bars alone and not think twice about it. In fact, I made a stop at the Hyatt last night for a quickie. How do they know you arent just in from out of town and thats why you are by yourself? If I'm bored and thirsty, I'm going! I do hate that people feel like they should be talking to you just becuase you are alone - thats the downside.

7:23 PM  
Blogger wunelle said...

I think at an earlier time in my life I would never have thought of spending time alone. But with age and changing circumstances, I now spend most of my non-working time that way. I'd like to say that there's something about liking one's self or being happy with who / where you are in life, etc., etc.; but in reality this was thrust upon me by my work situation. Still, I've learned to like this alone time and I get a bit much of people now in a way that never used to happen.

The early stages of misanthropy?

I love to read your musings as you people watch, tho!

And solo movies are one of my favorite activities.

7:33 PM  
Blogger nu. said...

i think that dates with myself have made it on my "favourite dates" list a lot more frequently than dates with actual dates.

8:08 PM  
Blogger MemeStream said...

I wonder how many of us are pretending we remembered what that word meant when reading the first sentence? Context is key, eh? At any rate, this entry is rather liberating and inspiring. I'm up for sitting at a bar, but the eating dinner alone is still a bit daunting.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Namaste said...

I think I'm the only one who gets it, HB.

As a matter of fact, I know I am.


1:47 AM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

i'm too selfconscious to do what you do. if only i had your coolness! and, i get what you're referring to.

9:55 AM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

Good for you Hon. I go to movies by myself and sometimes dinner, but I don't like sitting by myself in a nice restaurant. Obviously you are much more evolved than I am...

10:04 AM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

I'm curious why some people find this so incomprehensible; it's certainly not a defining character trait.

There's no obligation for your blog to be a tell-all to strangers. You should reveal as much as you're comfortable with!

11:29 AM  

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