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Friday, December 02, 2005

BAWF: V*

"Oh, wouldn't the world seem dull and flat with nothing whatever to grumble at? " ~W.S. Gilbert

*That’s a roman numeral, not the letter V, just go with it.

This week’s reasons for why bitches are whack, is brought to you by the letter ‘T’-for therapy. I fear that I need to make a pit stop to the ol’ therapist at some point soon. There’s so much swimming in my head about life, and what I’m doing, and why I can’t ever just be happy when things are actually ‘ok’. But it never happens. Normally I’d say (ok, Lizzie said) "it’s the thought that counts", but it just isn’t working for me this time. It just happens I guess, when you get to a point where everything is fine, but you feel like you might possibly implode. I’m sick of feeling like there’s something more that I could be doing, and maybe I should just get off my ass and do it. All talk and no action (take that as you may), makes HB a miserable girl. There is comfort though, in knowing that instead of letting myself succumb completely to my depression that I’m heading it off at the pass. Let’s just say that the first time I realized I was depressed after years of repression, I ended up harming myself and being so fucking miserable that I couldn’t stand it. I was left with permanent scars to remind myself every fucking day just how awful it was, therefore I refuse to go back to that. Anyway, let’s not talk about depression anymore.

Yesterday, after the diamonds and platinum moment I thought about how awesome it would be to become affianced. You know the ring and I kind of have a thing for diamond and platinum. And then the more I thought about it the more I was like fuck that, I just want the ring not to be with someone for the rest of my life. Like a permanent roommate. For. Ev. Er. (I’m 22, I’m allowed to have these feelings) So after some thought, I realized that the whole getting a ring thing, just made me really want to get a manicure.

11 Comments:

Blogger Sharkbait said...

I so heart you!

I am telling you, you are my twin-or permanent scar sisters..... We should talk offline about this.


Want to do dinner next week sometime?

11:24 AM  
Blogger Mappy B said...

Ah, the scars. Don't we all have these? Oh wait, maybe just us with our depressive thoughts. I understand how you feel. That's great you recognize the signs now. It's taken me 28 years to get that far. I'm currently shopping for a therapist. Sliding scale is where it's at - pay what you can afford...

11:30 AM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

Heather I think you rock Hon.

And I need a manicure too ;-)

12:22 PM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

At least you're all talk and no action. I'm no talk and no action. Ugh. Is it 5:00 yet? Actually, is it the end of the semester yet?

12:45 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

That would make sense. You don't want to have nasty nails when he slips it on your finger.

I've been getting proposed to a lot lately. Must be something in the air.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I heart you too already and I only recently found your blog; pills don't leave a visible scar but are just as permanent...

And while you're at it, splurge for the pedicure too!

2:20 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Sharkie: well thank you, I heart you too.

Mappy B: at first I didn't care about the therapy costs because my parents paid, but now I'm like holy shit. Thankfully Blue Cross covers it. Good luck on your search.

LisaB: thanks! seriously though, my cuticles are a mess.

Lizzie: dude you need a serious break.

Bone: such a smart male you are.

Nicole: thanks! and welcome to my land of narcissism.

2:34 PM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

My comments always feel inadequate when I read posts like this, but just wanted you to know that I read it and that I'm thinking about you.

And I'm with the rest: splurge for the pedicure.

5:38 PM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

i agree with the pedicure. it must be something in the air. i'm also seeking a therapist.

6:47 PM  
Blogger Namaste said...

I won't wear a ring unless it's fucking huge. There. I said it. It must be impressive and lovely or nothing at all. Nothing.

And, we all have these moments, love. They wash over us, leaving us feel very inept and unloved for the moment, but let it roll over you and know that it will pass. Don't wait for the other shoe to drop, and for god's sake, don't beat yourself with it in the meantime.

And try yourself some yoga. It helps. I can personally vouche for its wonders...

9:57 PM  
Blogger nu. said...

because im a student, my therapist is free! but only for a limited number of sessions... once that's up i'll have to do some shopping too. or maybe up the meds.
mmm... i think i'd take the manicure over the permanent roommate :)

8:15 AM  

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