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Monday, December 19, 2005

Beauty and the Beast

“Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.” ~Garrison Keillor

I’m not referring to myself as either; as I have no discernible gorgeous qualities (winning personality does not count) nor am I anywhere near beastly, though some might disagree. But I digress…

My friends, whom I love dearly, have all been blessed with ‘hotness’. I kid you not, these girls (and boys) are all gorgeous. And then there is me. I’m not hoping for a pity party, nor do I want one and really, my friends being better looking than I, is rarely a thought that crosses my mind.

On Friday night, we all ventured out for the evening to a bar in Farragut, where we ended up seeing one of my friend’s cousins. He was out with his frat brothers whom we also met and besides them, there were several other groups of males at the bar. At one point, I was standing there with my friends and one of the frat brothers turned around and bought them all (there were five of us standing there talking) a beer, while neglecting poor little me. I’m wondering if a) I give off an ‘I really can’t stand alcohol, so get that vile stuff away from me’ sort of vibe, b) I am such a wholly unattractive person that the thought of removing his head from his ass and being polite and acting like I am with the other five people that he has met and been talking to, as opposed to ignoring me, because I lack hotness. Of course, I went for the latter. I am not hot and therefore I do not deserve a beer. After which I promptly rolled my eyes at the offender (who let’s be honest wasn’t attractive in the least) and went to the bar, while giving him the best looks of disgust that I could muster. Even the subsequent free kamikaze shot couldn’t make me feel better, I was ruined for the evening thinking that I would never be comparable to my friends. Meanwhile, they continuously get hit on and I dance to “No Diggity” (I know…holy motherfucker) and nurse my wounded ego with $1.50 miller lights.

Now, we won’t get into how the previous pitcher of margaritas, may have clouded my judgment on the frat boy beer incident. Nor how ridiculous this is all sounding in hindsight and that I can’t believe I’m actually writing this for the ‘world’ to see. But alas I am. I spend a good portion of my time around hot people who are constantly fawned over. And while I do get things and know many people in order to get these things (and by ‘things’ I mean free alcohol and free/automatic entry into roped off bars and clubs) I still can’t help but feel inadequate when around the hotter folks. I write this like I’m grotesque and one can’t bear to look at me, which is not true-even if I do say so myself. It’s just that as a female, in this great nation’s capital of ours, I don’t want to continuously be known as ‘the friend’. I can count more than one occasion where a male friend of mine says ‘Heather, when can I meet your hot friends’. And while the male friend usually is just a friend, I still feel a little hurt. Of course these wonderful friends of mine, see nothing wrong with me and think I’m hot and blah blah blah (ok, not hot, but moderately pretty). But despite the sheer ridiculous that you and they may feel about what I am saying, I am allowed to do so. I’m allowed to be hurt when those of the opposite sex obsess about how hot my friends are and I’m allowed to bitch about it, to myself or to the internet or to my friends, because really I just want a little love.
So I guess you can call me a liar, this is a pity party and all are welcome.


Blogger Lizzie said...

Of course, that's always tough. I think most women have been in that situation, well, except for the hot ones of course. I had a friend that I used to go out with all the time. We'd get to a bar, hang for a while, and inevitably some guy would start hitting on her, totally turning his back on me, not even making an effort to let me join in on the conversation so I wouldn't look like a total shmuck sitting there all by myself. On the bright side, I got to know some cool bartenders while she chatted it up with someone that inevitably turned out to be a shallow loser. Just know that all of us "moderately pretty" ones can relate!

p.s. thanks for FINALLY posting. I'll stop stalking now.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Sharkbait said...

I agree it is tough. I can completely understand and have been in the same boat.

It's hard to hate on the hot girls when they're you're friends and you know that they are great people on the inside.

I too have been stalking, much like lizzie. hehe

1:56 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

I must admit I have probably been the overlooker as well as the overlooked in my time.

That being said, things like being able to carry on intelligent conversation, honesty, being able to laugh and make me laugh, are so much more important.

After all, when the physical beauty has faded, being able to laugh at my hairpiece and bladder control problems will be priceless ;-)

Also, when you really get into someone, they become the most beautiful soul on Earth to you.

Or maybe that's just me.

(Geez, is everyone ready to throw up yet?)

BTW, I like the way you work it ;-)

2:44 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Believe it or not, my senior year of high school all the guys called me 'Birdwoman' and followed me down the hall making horse noises and laughing at me. I didn't look much different then than I do now. I wax my eyebrows and wear a little more makeup now, but otherwise, same Cookie. For the longest time, I was the 'grenade,' or the 'nottie' of all my friends, and ALWAYS assumed that the guys who were flirting with us were more interested in my friends than they were me. Would you ever imagine that about me now, right?

Sometimes life does that to us, so when we do start to become the object of other people's affection (which I think stems from our own self image and projection of confidence than it does our actual appearance), we'll remember how it felt to be on the other side of the fence. And eventually you realize it was probably all in your head from the beginning...

You rock. Plain and simple.

Oh, and No Diggity...that song was the bomb in '98!

2:46 PM  
Blogger for Joke! said...

Hey chica - don't be so down on yourself! That guy was an asshole, clearly.

I think EVERY chick always feels like the least attractive in the bunch - I know I do. Its hard not to think of the grass as greener on their side, eh?

3:42 PM  
Blogger Mappy B said...

i gotta disagree with no joke, i don't think every chick feels like the ugliest in the bunch. i know a lot of my friends never have. i was always the odd one out. too tall, not flirtatious, too athletic at the time, while my friends were all shorter and cuter than me. i spent years at bars with them, while they were getting hit one, flirted with, danced with, and i thought to myself, why am i even here, i should go home, etc. it sucks. i don't know what advice there is to say now except that it builds character? bah. who knows why that happens, it sucks, and other than finding an uglier group of friends to hang out with, what are you going to do about it? yeah, you're probably totally reacting, like i probably did. and perhaps it was my going in to the bar with that 'this is going to happen' feeling that made it happen. for i never did outwardly flirt with people. i was too comfortable with myself, i didn't need to throw myself at them, but it would of been nice to be attended to, right? then again, when people talk to you, do you brush them off, like you're just there to have fun with your friends, b/c i did that too. gosh, i'm confusing myself now. sorry. haha

4:10 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

My whole thing is that someone will not like me because of the way that I look and I repeat I am NOT fugly or butt ugly or an ugly freaking ho bag who should wear a bag. That's actually a huge fear of mine (tell anyone and die). So I just needed to say this and realize that in fact, everyone has this phase where they feel like ugly ducklings and in reality they're fine just the way they are. Like DCC and Sharkie, I'm surprised, especially since I've seen you both and I think you're both wonderful and beautiful girls. So there you go, everyone feels it.

Oh and Sir Bone, I only threw up a little bit, so no worries ;-)

6:34 PM  
Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I posted my thoughts about this on my own blog in response to your comment.

However, I wanted to add one thing - YES, all of us have ugly duckling phases.

Also, there are some girls who can roll out of bed and look gorgeous; but most of us need to WORK to look halfway decent. (Seriously, it takes me WAY too long to get ready in the morning!!) Looking good takes time, patience, energy, and MONEY. I think Sarah Jessica Parker is a classic example of someone doesn't have much natural beauty, but who makes the most of what she has by taking excellent care of herself and making good clothing/hair/skin choices.

I know that it may seem sort of shallow to address the purely physical aspects of your post, rather than the emotional ones, but (a) other people have already done that, and (b) sometimes a haircut/color/makeup change can transform how you feel about yourself. ;)

Hugs to you-

6:47 PM  
Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

Oh honey, been there!!
My best friends in college were all LITERALLY models. Drop dead, effing gorgeous. And then me.

I know what you're feeling . . or what you were feeling. Trust me when I say, get over it. It's ridiculous. Men are very visual creatures and some things appeal more to their visual nature. It doesn't mean you're unattractive - are you going to tell me you've never had a date?? I doubt that highly. It just means this particular boy was a fuckwit.

7:20 PM  
Blogger Larissa said...

been there! i have a friend that makes me vanish, hehe. perk up sweetie!

10:01 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

I've been there too. It's a horrid feeling. And FYI, winning personality DOES count, especially when all those hot gals ultimately become the botox queens and you have the last laugh.

9:59 AM  
Blogger wunelle said...

EVERYBODY hits on the Michelin Man. Don't go out with me ;-)

(OK, this is so NOT true.)

10:41 AM  

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