Thursday, December 08, 2005
I have no confidence in myself to do anything. I second guess myself 14 times a day, which has turned me into a neurotic superfreak (not of the Rick James persuasion, thank you very much), who tears up at the slightest hint of responsibility. I feel like I shouldn’t be left to be responsible for anything and like there should always be someone to look over my shoulder, making sure I get my shit done. While I am growing out of this – albeit, slowly – I still feel that it’s not ok to say, leave me alone in the office for an entire morning. Are you fucking crazy? I will fuck up. I can’t be left alone. There needs to be someone in charge. That’s what Neurotic Freak HB (NFHB) says. Rational HB (RHB) says, ‘dumbass. It’s not fucking brain surgery.’ And really it isn’t. It’s just me being psychotic. I mean, people leave me alone with their precious two month olds but I can’t answer a fucking phone and solve a minor problem?? Are you kidding me? Needless to say, I need to calm the fuck down and realize that if I can’t answer the phone then I shouldn’t be here. And if I can’t do basic things, and have no confidence in myself to be left alone for four hours, then I’m sure my boss will think the same and I will be homeless. Let me tell you, while McDonald’s does give their employees benefits; I wouldn’t look too good in the uniform; and where the hell would I find a coach bag to match the outfit?