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Monday, December 12, 2005

You Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone

“Might we not say to the confused voices which sometimes arise from the depths of our being: ‘Ladies, be so kind as to speak only four at a time?’ ” ~Madame Swetchine

I’ve turned into one of those people that I despise. The type of people who become too busy to just talk and too busy to make plans for an evening out. Last week I became enflamed at a close friend because she had been ‘too busy for me’. It felt as if she were blowing me off and that we would never be able to stay friends; it wasn’t until this past weekend when I realized that I am guilty of the same. Yes, I can be a misanthrope at times, but I’ve always been one to make plans with friends and always able to keep them. Over the past month, I’ve blown off two visitors who were in DC anyway, but I had told that I would call and see them over the weekend and just now, I couldn’t have a 45 second conversation with JB, because I had been running around. The task for her was simple enough, find a place to go for drinks this evening. Yet, I feel like I had just been told that I need to find a cure for cancer in the next half an hour. In my head for the past week, I’ve just been saying ‘I don’t know. Figure it out your own fucking self’. I would love to just say that out loud. I don’t want to answer questions, I don’t want to figure out how to make something happen, I don’t want to find a place to go have drinks. Why can’t YOU fucking do it? I’ve been walking around with a constant ‘to do’ list in my head, which includes, but is not limited to: getting a new social security card, registering my car, getting my gym membership taken care of, doing Christmas shopping, the possibility of grocery shopping (my favorite past time) and watering the office plants. Most of those things haven’t been done and my I’ve killed my boss’ orchids.
It’s times like this that I become nostalgic. Exactly a year ago, everything seemed so complicated; get my visa, get a physical, move out of my apartment, get my hair done (an important task), complete my finals, write a few papers. And now I’m dealing with dead orchids people and remembering to fill out my insurance claim form and you know, work.

Do you ever feel like you’ll spontaneously combust from it all?

And FYI, in case you had missed the memo or hadn’t been warned, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Ready? There is not one fun thing about being an adult. I would pay my parents to tell me what to do. Want me to take a nap? Of course I will. Want me to ground me and not allow me out of the house after 3 PM? Please do. You see that I have a cold and cramps from hell? Keep me home.

P.S. I haven’t read my blog all day or yours either. So tell me, how am I doing? How are things with you? I fucking suck.


Blogger MKD said...

I forgive you for not reading my blog. I haven't read mine either. I think we both need some speed.

9:06 PM  
Blogger Sharkbait said...

I really hope you are able to accomplish everything you need.

Find some Heather B time.

miss you

10:52 PM  
Blogger Mappy B said...

i agree with you about wanting to be grounded. PLEASE ground me. some things do suck about being an adult. they have gotten much better though, as you leave your early 20's, if that's any help to you. it's all so overwhelming. like sharkbait said, you need some Heather B time.

8:31 AM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

heather, you def need some you time. but i feel at times i could combust too. so that would be two highly unusual cases of spontaneous human combustion! we'd go down in the record gooks.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

i mean books, not gooks!!!

9:17 AM  
Blogger Namaste said...

Just gotta keep on keepin' on...

Maybe become your own parent? You could even name her...

9:28 AM  
Blogger Bone said...

I remember seeing something about spontaneous human combustion on That's Incredible when I was little. For several weeks, I walked around afraid I was going to burst into flames. You're probably too young to remember that show. Be thankful.

9:29 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

You know, I recently let a friend go because it felt like 'she had no time for me'. In actuality, she basically just got into a relationship, and focused more on that. I should have been more understanding...but sometimes we make choices that we regret.

As far as being an adult, it has its advantages and disadvantages. Being independant has its own source of 'happiness' and satisfaction, yet sometimes we get 'home sick'...and there's nothing wrong with that.

Great post!

10:45 AM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

I often do feel like my head is gonna explode with all the things I need to get done. And I look up and three months has gone by and I have neglected my friends terribly.

This time of year just adds extra pressure.

I understand how you feel Heather.

11:59 AM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

I feel that way too sometimes... all the time. I hope you get a break and some rest over the holidays!

12:14 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Either that, or do what I do and try to fit absolutely everything in at once. 3 evites per night, minimum. Just don't book anything on Sunday nights and hole yourself up in your room with a good book.

At least you'll never be able to say you were idle...

4:45 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

MKD: If you can hook me up, I'm all for it.

Sharkie, Mappy B, SG: I'm having some alone time this evening. Well, me and a mojito.

Namaste: If I become my own parent, I'm grounding myself for a month. And providing myself with a hefty allowance.

Bone: You mean that really exists?? And yes I am too young to remember that. Thanks.

Deb: Thankfully, I haven't gotten rid of any friends due to relationships, but because of graduating and work and all that comes with that.

LisaB: thanks (wo)man!

Lizzie: I shall spend the holidays watching TV and eating food.

DCC: I've been blowing off the evites left and right. Because once again, I suck.

5:56 PM  
Blogger wunelle said...

Not to be a broken record, but...

M&Ms dear, M&Ms. Peanut.

They're magic!

6:16 PM  
Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

Pfft - I love adulthood! I'll tell you one thing that's GREAT about being grown-up -- being able to buy porn/lingerie/sex toys and the like without having to hide them or worry that Mommy was gonna find out and ground you. ;)

7:41 PM  
Blogger Larissa said...

totally get you! sometimes I feel like I'm playing at being an adult ;-). when is this grown-up thing going to kick in?

10:28 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

Heather your gift is under the cyber tree!

10:23 AM  
Blogger allison said...

Why in the hell were we in such a damn hurry to grow up?

Give yourself some credit for gettin' through it, gurl.

Here's to footie pajamas...*clink*

11:18 AM  

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