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Thursday, January 26, 2006

Booze and Schmooze*

"Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion." ~Ovid

Living in Washington, I’ve mastered the art of schmoozing. I’ve taught myself to successfully hold a plate and glass of wine in my right hand while shaking with my left. At a Friends of Hilary event a few months ago, Peg was very impressed with my people skills as I worked the room (and by ‘worked the room’ I mean, I told my Congressman that I liked his new haircut) but noticed that I had knocked back about 3 or 4 glasses of Merlot. Damn it, she’s on to me. I had to let her in on my little secret. Ready? Yup I sure as hell come off confident and outgoing, but only after consumption of two glasses of wine. Prior to that, you’re lucky if you can get me to form a coherent sentence or actually (horror of horrors) look you in the face. I am so incredibly socially awkward that the thought of having to meet someone new and possibly be sober, leads to a sleepless night (with bonus teeth grinding) the night before the meeting. Surprisingly enough I have managed to get more than one job, but I doubt it’s because I’m just so well spoken and articulate. I like to call it luck and the law of averages, but whatever. I have a sneaking suspicion that all of the above might be why I don’t date, but let me think on that a bit.

I have to meet someone new tonight, and in the hope that she would cancel, since she’s equally as misanthropic as I, I didn’t exactly dress in my Sunday best, though I can get over that. And thankfully, she also knows the importance of alcohol and has a love affair with wine (and crap beer) as well. My kind of girl. Thinking on it now, college in DC and now living and working here has me believing that for the most part, this place is not the real world (no shit). It’s a bunch of uptight people who have all mastered drinking and talking at the same time (not as easy as it sounds) and therefore have managed to impress the best of the best. I kid you not, that if I weren’t drunk about 75% of the time, I wouldn’t know anyone.

Yup, I’m sad and pathetic but you can admit that I’m pretty open and honest, and that must count for something.


*Oh and before anyone goes and starts calling me an alcoholic, just know that I only drink when out with others, it's not like I sit at my apartment alone yelling at Benson and Stabler to get the fucking rapist. I like to be coherent during my Law and Order marathons, as to try and guess the killer before Vincent "I might break my neck if I keep cocking my head like that" D'Onofrio does. So there.

13 Comments:

Anonymous MappyB said...

I love Elliot and Olivia. I enjoy being drunk watching them. I do drink at home. Alone. When I'm alone. :) Sounds like you have a cool life where you get to even go to these kinds of events. I would be sure to drink there too! Lucky!

11:53 AM  
Anonymous Wry Bri said...

Okay, we HAVE to start working the came circuits together! There is NOTHING quite like working the room well-fueled. Ovid is right! You should have seen the last Clinton White House St. Patty's Day party!

1:47 PM  
Blogger Larissa said...

i hear yah girl. i'm usually great meeting people in crowds, but when it's a one on one meeting, i get a little uncomfortable (hence the dating issues) but i'm pushing myself through it -- or at least trying to! ;-)

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to admit, I surprised even myself by not cancelling.

Can't wait to meet you tonight!

3:07 PM  
Blogger Sharkbait said...

I am so sorry I am missing tonight....if it's what I think it is.

I miss you!

4:16 PM  
Anonymous Beth said...

I'm not quite sure where the skill of shameless schmoozing comes from. I can shoot the shit with almost anyone, but as a teenager I used to be really awkward. I think you have to develop a good sense of arrogance, sort "Well, of COURSE these people are going to want to talk to me. I'm fucking FABULOUS damn it!"

But if wine works for you, totally go with it. On the plus side, if you get stuck talking to someone awful you can "accidentaly" throw the wine down you and make a hasty exit. I actually know someone who was so bored in a conversation at a party that she practically threw a glass of wine over the table and feigned embarassment to escape!

4:23 PM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Personally, I like to say that I'm a "social alcoholic". If smokers can use it than dammit, so can I.

Unfortunately, this is a great hindrance to my ability to go out and meet people as Little Rock isn't really big on public transportation so I have to stay in a state that I can drive home in. I cannot tell you how badly I need a chauffeur.

4:51 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

MappyB: you were the only one to get Elliot and Olivia, I should give you a prize.

Wry: seriously, being drunk makes everything so much more pleasent.

Larissa: dude, we're in the same boat there.

Anon: joy! ohmygodi'msotiredbutineedtodrink...

and I look like shit. seriously though, I'm looking forward to meeting you.

Sharkie!: thanks for the update, and no worries, obviously we understand. Hope things are going well.

Beth: that's going to be my new mantra: I'm fucking fabulous.

Angela: when I go home to Albany, i refuse to go out, because there's no way to get home via public transportation.

5:00 PM  
Blogger Buffy said...

Pino Grigio is the great equaliser. Never doubt it.

5:25 PM  
Anonymous Kristin said...

Wine and cheap beer have super powers. Stick with what works!

5:51 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

shmoozing is a good thing!

I love SVU as well...

7:44 PM  
Blogger Namaste said...

What's wrong with yelling at Benson and Stabler to get the fucking rapist?

10:25 PM  
Blogger Sue Ellen Mischke said...

were you meeting lizzie tonight? i'm so jealous!

11:57 PM  

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