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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Breaking Point

"Do not keep on with a mockery of friendship after the substance is gone - but part, while you can part friends. Bury the carcass of friendship: it is not worth embalming." ~William Hazlitt

Needless to say and I suppose unfortunately, it comes with the territory that when one part of your life ends, there is a good chance that some of the friends that were part of your life will go as well. Though often no one wants to admit it, it’s the truth. There are some people that after a certain period, you just won’t be friends with anymore. To be honest, I’ve never really minded such things as there are those that I know I will be friends with for years to come and those who I have always thought to be the biggest asshat fuckers in the world and I will gladly bid them good riddance. In college, I had my very own Julie Cooper. You know the type, the girl who no matter what will always get her way. No one likes her, but will put up with her because getting on this whore’s shitlist will only deepen your desire to be shot or at least graduate. The bitch just won’t go away. No matter where I go, there she is. Like a god damn pariah. I swear if it came down to it, she’d eat me alive or nip at my toes.

Over the years, it’s been my experience that I hold out on to the duds for friends, far longer than any normal person would. It’s like I’m hoping that maybe if I stick around long enough the culprit will change and become somewhat bearable. But alas, this has never happened. So I essentially am fucking myself over and over and over again, in hopes that someone else will change their behavior. For a smart girl, I can be a real dumbass sometimes. That said, admitting that there is a problem is the first step to regaining my sanity after years of being belittled and being lied to. Of course now that I have had this great epiphany and I’m all ready to throw in the towel, I can’t bring myself to just say it to her face. I can only sit and whimper about it to others who have already been enlightened. They just nod and smile and say “there there, I hate to say I told you so”. Maybe one day I’ll get some balls.


Blogger Isabel said...

Look, for the first time in weeks I was able to log onto your site (which leads me to believe it was BLOCKED at work).

I have had friends like this in my life also. Sometimes there isn't anything you can do about it.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Sharkbait said...

I have a couple of those.

It's not easy, because you want to think they will come around.

If need be, we can form the kick her ass blog group and take care o' bidness! :-)

Some people don't change, regardless of how much you will them too. And sometimes, that hurts.

11:16 AM  
Blogger Larissa said...

oh yeah i totally get this. i'm the type of person that befriends people easily and then sometimes when i get to know a person better i don't really like what i see. so when i start not hanging out with said person as much, they wonder what they've done wrong (which is nothing), i've just come to realize that we don't have much in common. never stay friends with someone just because you had been friends for however long.

1:03 PM  
Anonymous MappyB said...

I have a theory about friends that I've been applying for a few years now, ever since I had a friend like that. It's the 'No More Negative Energy' theory. If I am constantly finding myself putting in more than I am withdrawing from the friendship, it's not worth it. You don't want the life sucked out of you by a 'friend', because it's not worth the energy. Sometimes it's hard to let go, but that's what can set you free. So cheesy, I know. But true. No Negative Friends.

1:53 PM  
Blogger TinaPoPo said...

When I graduated college I took on a kind of "Cleaning House" approach to my relationships. If they weren't positive and they stressed me out, I phased them out of my life.

I don't think you need to have a one-on-one confrontation with this person. I think you can just gradually phase her out. Just knowing that you've made the decision to do so has to bring you at least some peace, right?

She's not a roommate, is she? Cause that's a whole other bag o' worms.

2:52 PM  
Blogger blake said...

I totally agree with mappyb.
We "divorced" a couple who we thought were our friends but we found that after every visit with them we were bummed out. Too much negativity. Life's too short.

2:52 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Thanks all for the support, I thought I was crazy or lame. Thankfully she's not a roommate or else this would be a post about how I might throw myself out the window or move to Maryland. And the negativity is killing me as well and also being treated like everything I do is ridiculous. Oh well.

3:13 PM  
Blogger wunelle said...

I have a few friends over the years that I seem to stick with as a kind of charity (though I have little of the "helper personality" in me). Why? I get so little out of it. But yeah, how do you end it?

Let me know if you figure it out!

4:39 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Seriously, I'm only stil friends - I use the term loosely - with this person because I HAVE to be. Not because she brings joy to my life, but because that's what I have to do. So when I get around to figuring it all out, I'll let you all know.

5:25 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

I don't think I have this problem with friendships. However, I did used to have a problem of always hanging on until the bitter end with girls I dated. When it's better just to let it go when it's clear it isn't going to work, and you like your quote says, while you can still part friends.

Free yourself from the negativity.

Turn that frown upside down!

PS: I'm not a licensed therapist. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.

8:14 PM  
Blogger Namaste said...


i just slowly cut people like these off.

some of them realize it...but i usually do it silently and cleanly.

don't be a doormat!

8:36 PM  

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