Just the Beginning
I’m notorious for just not speaking to people anymore; those that were my “best friends” in middle school and high school, hell, even in college, I’ve randomly just stopped speaking to. It’s not like anything actually happened, but we’ve just moved on and I’m really fucking good at moving on and leaving those from my former life behind. Obviously something I need to work on, but that’s not the point, the point is these massive changes can happen to my friends and I’m left in the dark. Though, I totally deserve it, and they deserve good things to happen to them, I’m still conflicted. Not jealous, but this whole getting older thing is weird.
Over New Year’s my best friend, who I still spend every New Year’s Eve with, came out to me. We still speak pretty regularly and I had asked her about it last year as her girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) and I are also friends, but still when she told me, I got pissed, because she lied, and then had to process this information. It’s not that she’s gay, I could give a shit, it’s that she lied about it and then never mentioned again until we were drunk and playing kings. But then again, I totally deserve her keeping me in the dark. My idea of ‘speaking regularly’ is once every 3-5 months. I hate the phone and I don’t like going backwards.
A few hours ago, during my ritual, ‘let’s check out everyone’s AIM profiles and procrastinate time’ I learned that my best friend from Middle School just got engaged. ENGAGED. A person, I’ve known since I was 11. The person who helped me plot against Emily Haines and her crazy ass mother in the 9th grade, is now engaged. Engaged to the boy she started dating in the 10th grade. Obviously a long time coming, but I couldn’t help but sit here wide eyed and think this is how it begins. We did the usual small talk, about life. Her grandmother’s sudden death and my father’s near death in the beginning of the summer. Then quickly moved on to me. No, nothing is going on, just work. Nope, no boys. Not even a thought. Definitely not getting any, but thanks, thanks for asking.
This is how it starts, isn’t it? One friend gets engaged, then suddenly they’re all engaged and asking me whether or not I’ve found a special someone (ok, please God, don’t let them use the phrase special someone, or else I might vomit). I’ll be here alone in DC with my cats. Me and my fucking cats; feigning happiness when friend number 239 tells me about her new platinum engagement ring from Tiffany’s. Just what she always wanted. I’m rolling my eyes now. When I start seeing sonogram photos of little Billy in 4D sucking his thumb; God please forgive me now from running away screaming and/or telling my friend to please shut the fuck up. I see myself enjoying many glasses of wine, and smiling broadly, while saying “How cuuuuuute” and keeping my upchuck reflex in check. Because that’s just what friends do.