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Friday, January 13, 2006

Tiger Does the Plank

"Our bodies are our gardens - our wills are our gardeners." ~William Shakespeare

I’m sore. Very sore. Despite this, my newly acquired, debt increasing gym membership, has led me to get all ‘rah, rah’ about working out. I’m looking forward to having Monday off and going to Pilates. Here’s the deal, I’m one of crazy types who loses weight when most others are gaining weight. College for instance, I weighed considerably less and instead of putting on a Freshman 15, I lost 20lbs. While this could’ve been attributed to a number of things, like people flying planes into buildings just 5 miles away and the stress of having B-52 bombers hovering about; I will attribute it to the Jacob’s Fitness Center being on the other side of the sprawling American University Campus. Thinking back, I don’t understand how people actually gained weight, because for me it was quite simple. We’re paying for that shit (on top of Ben Ladner’s foie gras of course), so why not go? It’s like 45 feet away. Anyway, during sophomore year, my drug of choice was Xenadrine and there was that sniper thing. So, more stress, drugs, and the gym. Now if that doesn’t lead to weight loss, I don’t know what will. Then in Spain, while many friends had gained weight during their semester abroad, I lost weight again. Really I don’t know why, since the only stress I endured was deciding where to go out at night. But whatever. Coming back, I gained weight, because Hello! Chipotle. I missed that place almost as much as I missed my mom-a lot (but a lot of a good thing will inevitably make you ill or want to punch things).

Anyway, for months I had planning on this gym thing, because I needed it. Not wanted. Needed. Gym time, cures boredom and keeps me from watching countless hours of the O.C. It’s $70 per month well spent. There’s yoga and pilates and ellipticals (Oh My!). It produces those wonderful little endorphins that make us smiley little fuckers and promotes general conditioning and well being. And if that’s not enough, I read an article that said that regular workouts help to improve one’s golf game. As of late, golf game blows and my father’s dreams of me being Annika Sorenstam have been dashed to the wind.

So there is no real weight loss goal, just the ability to drive my topflite XL such that I don’t curse my father, the air, my golf club, the direction of the grass, whatever, for my faulty game. I say aim low and that way when I lose 20lbs in the process, it will be like a nice little gift.

21 Comments:

Blogger Wombat & Aspen said...

Driving like Annika - now that's a superior reason to go to the gym, Heather.

Wombat

*wish I could drive even one quarter as well as Annika*

2:19 PM  
Blogger Esbee said...

Heh, I went to AU eons ago, during the lasr President scandal. Ours was better; it involved obscene phone calls.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Esbee said...

Our AU President scandal: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/local/longterm/tours/scandal/berendz.htm

Bizarre.

2:48 PM  
Anonymous MappyB said...

congrats on being so dedicated to the gym! man, i get such a discount to mine, and i work a block away, and i still don't go. i'm proud of you!

2:54 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Wombat: start doing Pilates and you too could be a PGA winner.

Esbee: how did I not know that you went to AU?! Obscene phone calls totally tops having your students pay for your driver to get your dry cleaning.

MappyB: Who cares about the gym..how was spain?!?!

3:45 PM  
Blogger Esbee said...

What makes it better is that at the time, the police traced it to AU's campus, so there were all these threatening "Step forward now, whoever is responsible" letters in the student paper, because the supposition was that a student had done in from a residence hall. And then the school traced it and whoopsie, poopsie, the president is a big ole pedophiliac phone freak.

4:24 PM  
Blogger Sue Ellen Mischke said...

Heather I am so jealous of your inadvertent weight loss. I've never accidentally lost weight.
I joined a super expensive gym just so that I'd be motivated to go. I hate nothing more in life that working out. But when I pay $88/month to do it, you better believe my ass is going to be there at least three times/week hating every sweaty second of it.

8:47 PM  
Blogger Namaste said...

working out is good stuff.

do it for you!

8:57 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

I was pumping gas last night and thought about the sniper attacks.

(Not a great pic of Annika, btw. Perhaps you could strive to do better next time.)

11:09 PM  
Blogger babyjewels said...

Good for you. I used to go to the gym 6 days a week before I had my son. I've really fallen off the badwagon. It's inspiring to read this.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Esbee: Awesome. That would've been more entertaining than what Ladner did.

Tara: seriously, when you're paying that much for something and your last name isn't Winfrey, you'd better be making good use of it. The inadvertent weight loss was due to stress and ephedra. Definately not the way to go. But thanks.

Namaste: I went to yoga this AM and thought of you.

Bone: I sincerely apologize, for I never want to disappoint you of all people.

BabyJewels: But at least you have a good excuse; a small child. I have no children nor did I endure 9 months of pregnancy, so I'm just lazy. But my job is to inspire, so my work here is done. ;-)

1:37 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

OK, you have convinced me damn it! Back to the gym tomorrow ;-)

1:55 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

LisaB: mwahahahaha...you've fallen into my evil trap. Glad I inspired you to go back to the gym.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I too have fallen under your spell, and was inspired to return to the gym by your post, by the reminder of accidental weight loss during college, and by omigodimustburnthesepicturesofmeinspandexNOWWWW, but first I have to create longer days or get some more sleep first.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

If you'll bottle some of this inspiration and send it my way, I'll send you . . . a cat, or something of mine.

11:18 AM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

i admire your dedication to the gym.

12:48 PM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

I got a gym membership for Christmas but haven't gone yet. You're inspiring me to though!

3:19 PM  
Blogger F.Cali said...

You are so funny. I love this entry.

9:10 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

HAHA! all you have fallen under my spell. Now I'm wondering what else I can sucker you all into doing.

:-D

8:58 AM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

Wow, I LOVE your new look! Very chic!

10:02 AM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

well la-di-da. love the new design!

10:14 AM  

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