Be It Resolved
Subtitled: More inane thoughts from a naïve 22 year old; who thinks she knows everything. You are so very welcome.
I know it’s February. I am very well aware, what, with the 60 degree weather in all. But that’s beside the point.
So why don’t you get to the point?
I am, so chill the fuck out.
I’ve never been into making resolutions. It seems like a) a waste of time and b) everyone says, “I’ll resolve to lose 55lbs by March” and by January 3rd, that leftover rum cake is looking mighty tasty. But that never happens to me. Ever. Now that I’ve had time to think about resolutions and process the thought of them, I find that it has nothing to do with changing your entire life in the matter of one year. No, you will not find the solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict. Sorry, to burst that bubble for you. It’s more about making slight changes that won’t force you to completely give up your life, but instead do things that won’t make you want to spontaneously combust and/or drop kick everyone.
For example, I suggested to Peg that her resolution be that when she would like for her assistant or one of the many people that work under her (I know, she’s so bad ass) to do something; that she ask politely. Like saying “Please” not “You need to do this”. Because I’m sure those people in return are thinking, ‘I don’t need to do shit for you’. And I also reminded her that when she’s having a bad day, like I don’t know, her daughter just asked her for $500 and a kidney and is also a general pain in the ass; that she not take this out on those that work for her. But instead speak in a tone, which would make them be a little more willing to be nice in her time of need. Not, in a tone, that would make her coworkers have images of her being severely injured. Because that would be sad.
Of course the above suggestions for Peg were purely for her own good and had nothing to do with me. Nope. Never. I just don’t understand why people make these grandiose resolutions to lose weight, get married, find a boyfriend etc. But are incapable to resolve just to be nicer and to use their fucking manners. It’s actually a lot easier than resolving to not eat burritos anymore in order to get one’s ass in tip top shape.
And yes, I’m saying this all to myself as well. I’m sure Emily Post would be so proud.