Atlanta, GA February 17 – Researchers at the Center for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta, GA, have discovered a new virus that is quickly spreading through parts of the Northeastern United States. Thus far, very little information is known about this disease, but doctors are working to figure out its causes and finding a vaccine for this fairly new strain of virus, which has been known to affect 22-32 year olds. Symptoms include heavy drinking of red wine, a desk that resembles a paper factory gone awry, and the inability to fold clean laundry and instead keep it in a fairly neatly construed pile on the floor. Those affected can also expect lack of writing ability – not that they ever possessed such ability in the first place – and general malaise through out the day. Despite the little research that has been done, doctors have found that this vicious disease can be staved off, by excessive consumption of cake and thin mint cookies, a method that the CDC is hopeful will work, until they can find a complete cure. The CDC says that it may be years before they know exactly what causes Ennuiparapsychosis (The Ennui) but until then, doctors are warning that those in the described age range with those symptoms, keep a handy supply of cake around, in order to keep this increasingly common disease at bay.
All I could think when I read this was ‘wow’. According to this article, I might have Ennuiparapsychosis. Hopefully the cake will work for me, but I’m hopeful that a three day weekend will cure this really awful and scary disease. I hope none of y’all catch it.