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Friday, February 17, 2006

An Epidemic

Having recently received this notification from the Center for Disease Control (CDC), I thought I would share with all of you. Apparently there’s this epidemic of some sort going around and it seems pretty scary.

Atlanta, GA February 17 – Researchers at the Center for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta, GA, have discovered a new virus that is quickly spreading through parts of the Northeastern United States. Thus far, very little information is known about this disease, but doctors are working to figure out its causes and finding a vaccine for this fairly new strain of virus, which has been known to affect 22-32 year olds. Symptoms include heavy drinking of red wine, a desk that resembles a paper factory gone awry, and the inability to fold clean laundry and instead keep it in a fairly neatly construed pile on the floor. Those affected can also expect lack of writing ability – not that they ever possessed such ability in the first place – and general malaise through out the day. Despite the little research that has been done, doctors have found that this vicious disease can be staved off, by excessive consumption of cake and thin mint cookies, a method that the CDC is hopeful will work, until they can find a complete cure. The CDC says that it may be years before they know exactly what causes Ennuiparapsychosis (The Ennui) but until then, doctors are warning that those in the described age range with those symptoms, keep a handy supply of cake around, in order to keep this increasingly common disease at bay.

All I could think when I read this was ‘wow’. According to this article, I might have Ennuiparapsychosis. Hopefully the cake will work for me, but I’m hopeful that a three day weekend will cure this really awful and scary disease. I hope none of y’all catch it.


Anonymous MappyB said...

Oh my God, that's awful. I think I have it too, although I am out of the age range. Maybe I have something different because mine includes eating substantial amounts of frozen bbq chicken pizza and watching Court TV....let me know if you hear any updates that include those symptoms...

2:19 PM  
Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

I didn't know this was a disease, I just thought it was a religious doctrine. But I repeat myself . . .

2:24 PM  
Anonymous jenn said...

they need to check they age range, cause i know i qualify and i am almost 30.

2:46 PM  
Blogger Johnny said...

if you want free cookies, just jack some girl scouts.


3:22 PM  
Blogger wunelle said...

I always thought it was the folding of the laundry that constituted the disease. That or not washing it in the first place.

I'm confident that the CDC will discover the miraculous properties of Diet Coke soon enough, whether they recommend soaking or boiling in or taking it intravenously or whatever. I'm sure it's all right there.

4:03 PM  
Blogger Larissa said...

but you can write, so surely you don't have this disease girl.

4:50 PM  
Blogger Tenacious T said...

Haha - too right!

5:22 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

MappyB: Will do. Oh I have the pizza thing too. shit.

Armaedes: it's a serious disease!

Jenn: the AP edited their statement and it now includes those up to age 32.

Johnny: I think I might have to. THIN MINTS!

Wunelle: You'll be happy to know that M&Ms seem to work as well. Not too sure about the DC though. But I'll check for you.

Larissa: Modesty dear. But thank you very much.

T: oh good, glad you agree.

5:32 PM  
Blogger Sue Ellen Mischke said...

Phew.... I thought I had it. Until I saw that a symptom was heavy drinking of red wine. I have a heavy drinking of white wine thing going on so I'm safe.

8:53 PM  
Blogger MKD said...

Oh my god, I could be dying right now!

11:47 PM  
Blogger darlin nikki said...

and i thought i suffered alone w/ my illness :)

12:12 AM  
Blogger RoarSavage said...

OMG. I totally have this. Only it's worse, cuz my laundry isn't even folded. I never took my panties out of the laudry bag, fresh from the laundromat 2 weeks ago. I reach in every time I need a new pair. YIKES! (At least I'm not suffering alone...)

12:27 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

I'm pretty sure this is common for women in their 30s, as well. Stupid disorders.

I've had to ennui so bad I've had to leave the dinner table, so I'm pretty sure it gets worse with age. (insert groan here.)

11:57 AM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

I definitely have it. If you don't have any cake handy, I also recommend Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream as a possible short-term remedy.

11:50 AM  
Blogger Namaste said...

I think I'm suffering from this as well. More red wine is the def. remedy, HB!

2:10 PM  
Anonymous jenn said...

nice to know the AP officially updated their age range-- all due to your comprehensive reporting, of course. :)

8:25 AM  
Blogger Diet Coke of Evil said...

I am pretty sure any disease can be cured by either a) drinking more red wine or b) drinking copious amounts of Diet Coke.

Since I seem to be suffering from this as well (and I just had carrot cake this morning! with cream cheese frosting!), I will do some field research on the benefits of red wine/DC.

12:52 PM  
Blogger ocg said...

Warning!!! It has spread to the Southwest!!! It is taking over the US!!! I have to go to tackle some girl scout and get those thin mints!!!

4:11 PM  

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