Just a Number
While on my third (or fifth, but who’s counting?) drink last night I spoke with the lovely Marci. Marci who looks like she’s 25. Marci who confessed-ok, not so much confessed as much as I’m slightly slow and didn’t realize such things, but nevertheless, ‘confessed’-that she is ten years older than I. So 22 plus 10. 2 and 0 is 2 and the 2 and 1 make, hmmm. That’s what it makes, it makes ‘hmm’ and I had the look of dire shock on my face, because holy motherfucker she’s 32. She doesn’t look like she’s 32 but I neglected to get actual proof like a birth certificate or hear it from her mother’s lips, but she’s 32.
She’ll tell you that upon hearing this that I ran away. I did not run away. What part of ‘third (or fifth…)’ didn’t you understand? I had to pee. There was also mention about me being 22 that may have been a compliment, but see the former statement and you’ll know why I probably didn’t full comprehend.
Will I be that young and fancy free when I’m in my 30’s? I always need to know what will happen later. Waiting is boring and leaves way too much time for procrastinating. Instead I’d much prefer to know now what I will look like and/or be doing in my 30’s. I know, I know; youth is wasted on the young. Bite me. Kathryn-who is 31 and once again, insert picture of HB’s jaw dropping face here-says “look what you have to look forward to”, which is true. At one point, long long ago, I had visions of being married etc. by my mid-20’s. I think the phrase we’re looking for here is and emphatic; fuck no and doubtful, very doubtful.
People say that now 30 is so young blah blah blah, but it’s not just that, it’s the fact that even though I know many in their late 20’s and early 30’s, none of them act ‘holier than thou’ or treat me like I’m 14, which is honestly what I would expect [right now would also be an excellent time to mention that there are also those that are in their late 20’s and early 30’s that are actual real life adults with children and mortgages and I feel like I could never hang out with them on a social basis because dude, you’re somebody’s mother. Moving on.] Instead they are cordial and I am treated like an adult, which HA! I’m so not even close to, but on paper apparently I am one, but whatever, we can debate the merits of my actual adult status later, back to 30 year olds who look 20, which just begs the most important question; what are you people using? Is it that La Mer shit? Or are the powers of Clinique’s three step program just that great? Oh and also, how do you manage to stay up late and get to the gym every day because really I’m ass tired right now.
Please ladies, do tell. How do you do it?