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Friday, February 10, 2006

A List of Grievances

Like a good neighbor

A conversation between me and my roommate about our neighbor upstairs…

“Are you talking about the man/woman whatever, who stops around for like two hours in the morning? Which is fine on a weekday, but on weekends it sucks”

“can’t stand it. And he’s always slamming the damn toilet seat too”

“what can they (Condo Association) do about it?”

“Don’t know, but they’re handing out house noise rules again”

“I suppose the adult thing to do is to just go up there and knock and tell him politely how much he’s disturbing us. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll bust out my nine and show that motherfucker how annoying he is”

“wow. You are on something today”


For the Tourists

I’m sure that you enjoy standing around looking at the Supreme Court, it’s really pretty and all at night. But for Christ’s sake if you stand on the middle of the sidewalk when people are obviously trying to get home, I will have no choice but to barrel over your five year old. And possibly give you the finger in the process. Depends on how nice I’m feeling.

And other random assorted things:

People who ask me how I’m feeling about things that happened like days ago
People who don’t let me help
And People in general
Oh and Peter Gallagher dude, get thee to a new show. Now.
And Fox Broadcasting; I’m over Bill O’Reilly, he sucks, everyone knows. But I think maybe you should start thinking about the writing on the OC. It used to be good, but since Johnny makes the fourth boy ravaged due to Marissa Cooper; I’m thinking they’re in need of some new material.
And one more thing, GREEN MEANS GO!
And Cake Love is so very yummy. Really yummy. I swear I didn't eat two cupcakes.


Blogger green_canary said...

Let me just say that when I saw the heading "Like A Good Neightbor" I got all excited because I thought you were going to rant about my archenemy, State Farm.

But I hear you, girl! People in glass houses and all that jazz.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

GC: my next quest is finding car insurance. I think I'll eventually have a little rant about State Farm, Geico, Progressive, the DMV, in the near future. So no worries.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous MappyB said...

AH! I just posted a huge comment and it all locked up on me.

Green, maybe you should find a different agent. I've had 4 in different states, and they've all been great. I can recommend one in Arlington if you want...

And the TOURISTS - they should print rules in the guidebooks on how not to piss of the natives. I've run them down on escalators, sidewalks, steps, etc. I try and be nice so I don't give DC a bad rep. but it's SO HARD. And it's only the beginning of 'The Season'. AH!

11:52 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Will you also tell the tourists this?
Metro escalators- stand to the right, walk to the left. PLEASE.

12:08 PM  
Blogger blake said...

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

12:19 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Mappy B & Liz: y'all are so much nicer than I am.
How's this:

"I'm only saying this nicely once; Please stand to the right and walk on the left on the metro" and if that doesn't work: "Get your fanny pack wearing ass out my fucking way before I pummel you with my coach bag. Bitches"

12:24 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Blake: Don't tempt me.

Speaking of Temptation...I'm off to Cake Love. Bitches. Be jealous.

12:32 PM  
Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana) said...

Wow, Heather, I feel better just reading your rants!

12:42 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

I eat irritating people for breakfast.

I've been overheard saying "stand right, walk left" on more than one occasion over the shoulder of a left-stander while coming to a stop on a metro escalator. They really should put signs up over the escalators, kinda like the "keep your hands inside..." signs on roller coasters.

I realize that nobody really heeds those signs, but at least then when some left-stander gets run over by me on the move I can say "shoulda read the sign!" while I'm stepping off of their head.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Larissa said...

I agree about the OC. I gave up on the show this season. It was just getting too ridic.

2:03 PM  
Blogger Audra said...

On the racial issue. I would hope that just because one's brother is ignorant doesn't make the sibling ignorant by association. My brother has called me a N word lover before. However you would never hear me say it ever. To me that is the worst possible word in the english language and we were raised to NEVER NEVER even think it. However my brother is a moron. Now I would be offended by the white piece of shit comment too.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Marci: Good, that's my job.

I-66: Irritating people are driving me crazy today. Speaking of ultra irritating though, John Ashcroft was taking his sweet ass time crossing the street today and I was half tempted to beep at him, because seriously!

Larissa: That show is making me crazy. I feel like I've lost braincells because of watching it.

Audra: It probably doesn't make her a racist my association and this is a subject for a whole nother post, therefore I'm going to delete that part, because everytime I look at it, it makes me crazy. But I'll be sure to write about that situation one day soon.

4:00 PM  
Blogger babyjewels said...

I hate the o.c. ads. Gallagher looks like a deer in headlights with that weird look on his face. and lets not even discuss his brows. wft?

4:07 PM  
Blogger Audra said...

Sorry, I couldn't think of any other way to word it then to say the racial issue. I guess I could have called it the person with the dumbass brother issue, but it sounds like there is more to the story and now I can't wait to hear the rest of it.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

Cakelove is even more wonderful given his backstory.

5:07 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Babyjewels: I love me some Peter Gallagher, but that show just sucks now.

Audra: It's an interesting story. I will tell it soon.

Kris: What's the backstory?? I didn't know there was a backstory, just a bunch of deliciousness. Yum.

5:28 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I think Cakelove's owner used to be an accountant or lawyer, then left the biz to follow his dream of baking...

6:14 PM  
Blogger Isabel said...

Since you brought up the O.C.....

Why don't they ever mention the part about Marissa being a lesbian?? I love how they just swept that under the rug (hee-hee).

Oh, I love Seth.

(and cupcakes)

2:11 PM  

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