The Owner's Manual
My new alarm clock came with an owner’s manual and the requisite warranty information. I didn’t read it, but it was there. My cell phone came with one too as did my digital camera. Again, not read, but duly noted. Pregnant women can pick up What to Expect when You’re Expecting from their nearest Barnes and Noble. And nine months later, What to Expect The First Year. And subsequent toddler editions. Now let me ask this, why hasn’t Random House published; What to Expect when you’ve spent all your money on Starbucks and you don’t make enough to contribute to your 401K, but you’re still expected to pay the rent Or possibly; What to Expect when you’re parents cut you off and they expect you to learn how to pay your own taxes and navigate the DMV by yourself ?
Seriously now; why hasn’t anyone thought of these things? Am I expected to actually learn about things like insurance and Roth IRAs and mortgages?
I always thought that adults had manuals. A book that says, “ok
But prior to that, why didn’t anyone tell me what I’m supposed to do in order to become a semi-functional person? It was like May 8th came around, I lost my health insurance and my father’s exact words were “I wish you well ‘cause I’m tapped out”. Why isn’t there a warranty that comes with the Owner’s Manual of Heather Barmore that states “if you seriously fuck up, you won’t go to prison, but you will get a do over”?
Though, now that I’ve successfully completed my taxes and garnered myself a very lovely refund; I’m feeling slightly better and that maybe instinct and the wisdom of Peg will teach me such things. But I still feel there should be a book entitled “What to expect when you get your first gas bill”.