I see stupid people
Though not one to usually piggy back off of other’s posts (I feel like I’m stealing when I do it), this post from I-66 inspired me in so many ways to write one almost similar, but in bullet form and with an option to expand on his ideas. You see, I’m from upstate NY. Land of the free, home of the white man. It’s cold and dreary for 8 months out of the year and it’s boring unless you’re the skiing/hiking/boating/camping type of person. I’m into all of the above except for skiing, which I did for 5 years and hated every second of. Then again, I only did it because I thought it would make me popular. It didn’t.
But when he mentioned how people speak different types of English based on who they’re around and/or where they are from, I thought of the numerous times that people have pointed out to me that I speak differently. I speak differently? As in I can use the phrase “you abhorrent motherfucker” correctly?
I think we need some examples for this exercise in asshat-ry to work properly:
- The cab driver bringing me from Georgetown back to my apartment who asked where I was from, because I spoke very well for a black person. (it should be mentioned that I-66 said he would’ve spit on the cabbies money. That’s a tactic I’ll use for next time)
- The stranger in my local liquor store who asked where exactly I was from because I didn’t sound like I was from here. (No comment)
- The man who the cabbie picked up on my way home one evening, who asked where I was from. I told him upstate NY and he, in all his very perceptive glory, said that it’s cold up there and that there are a lot of trees. Also? There aren’t a lot of black people. (thank you for pointing that out to me, you can go shave your back hair now you dumb fuck)
- The 150 times that people have been visibly shocked to meet me after speaking to them on the phone and saying that my name is Heather.
- Or, my personal favorite, the dozens who find it odd that I golf and/or wear polo and/or shop at the gap and/or shop at J.Crew. Obviously I must be white if I’m shopping at any of those places, because it’s apparently unfathomable that I own argyle. (For the record, I enjoy argyle, cashmere, and little polo playing men monogrammed on my sweater)
- And finally, anyone that says incredulously “You’ve been to Martha’s Vineyard??” For the record, there’s a whole slew of black people that reside on Martha’s Vineyard, but if you took the time to heal after that severe head injury that made you a dumb fucktard, then you would know that
- Oh, forgot one, all the times I've been met with astonished faces when I say that I attended American.
Now one would think that I would become enraged upon hearing all of these things or that I’d be doing some serious kicking and or punching (“I don’t sound black? Well you’re about to find out what a person with no teeth sounds like”). But alas not. What’s the point? If I spent my time trying to discipline every ignorant shithead to cross my path, I would have no time to write about it on the internet or to enjoy Five Guys or burritos. Over the years I’ve learned to just give a weak smile and a ‘heh’, though annoying as hell, I’ve seen the very serious side of reacting to one’s words on race – whether or not intended to hurt or not – and it’s not pretty. Meanwhile, I’ll sit here and watch the dipshits of the world self destruct, because it’s pretty much inevitable when you’re that stupid.
Labels: oh the stupidity you'll see