In Search of Greener Pastures
Did you catch that? PART and MILDLY. I’m not Judy Blume, I’ve long given up on being married by 27 and I will never weigh 127 lbs. Now go on and guess which on that list I am still just a touch obsessed about doing. At any rate, I’m not completely happy with myself and because I don’t do things half assesd, I sometimes fear that I will never be. After years of saying “I don’t need no stinkin’ man” to my friends, I find myself a little less misanthropic and a little more in need to get some. And by ‘some’ I mean ‘ass’. Yes I am announcing to the internet that I need to get some ass or at least I need some friends who aren’t in the ass getting business to commiserate with me over bottles of Syrah.
But alas, I don’t have those type of friends. I say this like all of my friends have left me to die in some desolate place. It’s not that bad, but I was forced to perform a pre-emptive strike (in some sort of irrational PMSing haste) on one friend, because now that she’s dating, she won’t be readily available for los burritos and that leaves me stranded. By the way, this is the same friend that recently announced to a set of parents how proud she is of me and how great I am and that I’m going to be president. No. How about you become President and I get some ass? Though awesome as my life may seem, it ain’t and I’m woefully convinced that the grass may be significantly greener on her side.
I could go on and on about this, but I’m too busy running away in search of the nearest
*I couldn’t find a quote for this post, so anyone who picks out the perfect quote wins my undying love and affection.