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Monday, March 06, 2006

Ready. Set. Answers.

Friday my only hope was that my mom and the crackhead at the corner of Wisconsin and Nebraska would come through with some questions for me*. But you all - as always - pulled through. Prepare to be dazzled and bored to death by my lackluster answers. Mundane is the word that you're looking for right now.

How’s your love life?

Or lack thereof. I have no love life to speak of and while some would be saddened by that, I don’t really think about it too much**. My last two prospects turned into a gay republican (and no, that’s not just a dig at the GOP, he actually is gay) and a jackass with a girlfriend. Both of whom have attempted to use me to meet John Kerry and get insight on an event in the making, respectively. I’m currently no longer speaking to either, because I don’t enjoy being fucked with. I’m not cynical nor pessimistic about my love life, I’m just being pragmatic and the less I think about how I’m not getting any, the more content I am.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
Did you ever explain the "no pasa nada" or the "I said no, sucka'?" Who is the sucka' you are saying no to, and how does said sucka' feel about that?

Long story short, ‘No Pasa Nada’ is my favorite Spanish phrase and it means ‘nothing’s happening.’ Or if you’re eight ‘hakuna matata’. I explained it once here and it’s by far one of my favorite posts. The “I said no, sucka” part was courtesy of BabyJewels, when she did my site redesign. The avatar is the lovely Pam Grier and everything has a rather “groovy” feel to it, so when in need of a tagline, she thought of that.

Diet Coke of Evil
Do you like your job?

As an Economic Historian by day, Doula by night, I can say that at times work gets a little frustrating what with all the demands of Adam Smith wannabes and needy new mothers. But in general, I can say that yes, I enjoy my job. The fortunate thing is that I have the opportunity to change it up a bit as I see fit. I’m thinking Astrophysiology next month or maybe dabbling in Neonatology. Thoughts?

In all truth, I enjoy my job greatly and I get to do something that I actually believe in. So there’s a more honest answer to your question. Now, excuse me while I go debate the ins and outs of Thomas Moore’s Utopia.

did you have pets growing up? are you a cat or a dog person?

I’m from upstate NY. We had cows and a horse named Rodrigo.
We had two guinea pigs. Chi chi died after I fed him too many cheetos and Brownie was a runt with one eye so I could never stand to look at her. The week before Freshman year of high school we got a cat named Salem. After a few years of G and I refusing to clean the litter box, Peg got annoyed and the cat suddenly disappeared. To this day we have no idea what really happened to him. I want a dog when I ‘grow up’. Either a golden retriever or yellow lab to be named Max.

if you had unlimited funds to spend on ONE pair of shoes, which pair would you buy?

I’m a sucker for a Stuart Weitzman trunk show also for Nordstrom’s shoe department. I’m a firm believer that if the shoe fits, buy it. When I first discovered him, I called my mother to tell her that they sent me a thank you note for shopping there and she flipped out because Hello! I had just spent like $300 on one pair of shoes. I had this amazing pair that were black and white leather flip flops. The left shoe said Amore and the right shoe said Love and the letters were spelled out in Swarovski crystals. Swoon! Sadly the dumbfucks at AirFrance lost them. So I’d probably replace those or get a pair of stacked heels from my friend Mr. Blahnik. I really could never decide. I’m a shoe whore through and through.

if you could shop at only one store for the rest of your life, what would it be? why?

Hands down, El Cortes Ingles. That store will suck your soul and every Euro out of your wallet but it’s so worth it. Where else can you get skippy for the low low price of 6 Euro? If overpriced clinique is your thing, they’ve got that too. And a handy dandy selection of fine wines, cheeses and kinderbueno in their grocery store. Upstairs houses Ralph Lauren and Carolina Herrera. It’s like Target meets Nordstrom on steroids. Heaven on earth I tell ya.

Hola Isabel
I want to know how you, a relatively young lady, can be so young, but so wise? Seriously, when I was your age I was mildly retarded. But you seem SO TOGETHER and I'm impressed with it. So tell do you do it?!

Many years of therapy. Seriously.

When people say such things to me I’m never quite sure how to respond. Thank you would be most appropriate I suppose. Well that and I was anal retentive growing up, thus mapping out my entire future on looseleaf paper during my advisory period, so no shit I’ve got it together. I’ll just go with the former and say thank you.

Mappy B

How did you manage to land your great job? You seem very happy with your job, and it seems like a nice, prestigious one, how'd you do it? All of this, without, of course, telling us what job you actually have. B/c I don't know...haha.

I know people who know people. That is the honest to God answer. That and I can charm the pants off of anyone before I go in for the kill.

If you can't answer that about....What are you top ten all time favorite songs?

Well let me get out my handy dandy ipod. In no particular order:

Wonderwall Oasis
Tears of a Clown Smokey Robinson
The Downeaster Alexa Billy Joel
Hallelujah Jeff Buckley
Tiny Dancer Elton John
Bubble Toes Jack Johnson
The General Dispatch
Born Too Late The Clarks
Waiting on an Angel Ben Harper
Con Te Partiro Andrea Bocelli
Both Sides Now Joni Mitchell

Ok, that’s 11, but not all of them, but the best I could come up with given short notice.

if your house was on fire, and you could only grab one thing, what would it be?

Assuming that I take my normal ‘day bag’ with me, which has my planner, ipod, USB port thingy, camera, cell and IDs, other than that, I’d bring my pictures of course. I bet y’all were thinking I’d bring my coach bags, but alas not. You know how members of congress have a wall of me? Well I have one. Like pictures of me with the Clintons and my congressman and Bill Cosby and other people and I’d be devastated if I lost those.

Who's your favorite blogger and who's your least favorite? haha, just kidding. I know I'm your favorite so you don't have to answer that. I second Isabel's question.

Well, duh, you are. Anyone who has stuck around to read this crap for seven months is pretty awesome in my book. My least favorite is “no comment”.

DC Cookie
Do you leave the water running when you brush your teeth?

Nope. In 3rd grade I learned that it conserves water when you turn it off when brushing your teeth. It’s one of the few things that I remember from those days. Well that and only I can prevent forest fires. Saying no to drugs, alcohol and smoking was apparently lost on me.

oh, and what's your fave kind of cookie?
I was a girl scout for 13 years. Thin mints. Good stuff.

Believe it or not, both of these questions are very important indicators of personality and character.
So tell me, what does that say about me?

If you could have Edward Scissorhands manicure your lawn, what is the first thing you'd have him sculpt in your bushes (this is not code for something gross)?

So the incorrect answer to this would be a vulva?

I would have him do a giant ‘B’. For “biznitch”.

When he was done, do you think you'd be oddly turned on by his quirky creativity in spite of the obvious hazards of the tools used to achieve it?

I was mildly obsessed with Edward Scissorhands growing up. Remember when he gives everyone in the neighborhood haircuts? I wanted him to do that to me. So yes, I would be oddly turned on. Quirky is a good thing.

I second Dr. Kenneth Noisewater's question.

See above.

And can you do this word ver below? Because I sure as hell cannot.

Sadly, no.


What are your three favorite places to eat in DC?

The Oceanaire
Honorary mentions: Lauriol Plaza, Jaleo, B Smiths and Chef Geoff's


What scares you the most right now?

Not knowing what’s next. The fact that I have to pretend to be grown up when really all I want to do is take a nap and not worry about my next paycheck. I miss my old life. I miss college in a painful sort of way.

What is your "scary" age?

35. I want to have a significant other and children by then and my fear is that it won’t ever happen. There are a lot of things that I want by then and I’m not sure if I’m setting the bar too high, but if (or when) many of these things don’t come to fruition, I only hope that I’m ok with things not going according to plan.

What do you think is your least attractive quality?

I can be mean and at times hurtful when things don’t go my way. Oh, and I also hate my boobs and I’ve got big feet. Ok, so that’s like three, but whatever.

What is your most attractive quality?

That I am ok with being alone and I’m not needy. I can’t stand people who can’t do basic things alone, like wait at a table for five minutes. Drives me fucking crazy.

Who do you most want to grow up to be like?

Peg (duh!). I love her to death and she appreciates good shoes, Coach and a proper vacation. She can also write extremely well and she’s well poised and successful. She can also be caring without being overbearing, which I truly appreciate.


Where did you get the chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels?

Trader Joe’s.


I would like to know how often you inappropriately touch yourself. Please spare no details, and feel free to embellish.

Everyday at approximately 10:25 PM.
That’s what I’ve got the ole vibrator for my friend.

Ok, so we're not doing this again. Ever. Or at least not until my carpal tunnel clears up.

*Said by the fabulously drunk Mrs. Sarsgaaaard
**That's tomorrow's post


Anonymous MappyB said...


I second the 'El Cortes Ingles' - that place is fantastic! From Ham to Makeup and fun lip glosses, furniture, it's everything you could ever want!!!! I actually miss that store even though I was only there 3 times. (sad, because we were only in Seville two days.)

12:20 PM  
Blogger Sharkbait said...

Tears of A Clown. I thought I was the only one who had that on her ipod. Damn that song always gets be. The beat cheers me up for sure.

We must be motown girls at heart!!

12:20 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

MappyB: gracias. I went to Cortes Ingles pretty much everyday for four months. Don't feel too bad.

Sharkie: I love that freaking song.

3:17 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I also love Oceanaire. Very sleek.

I can't believe I still haven't been to Jaleo. Will go next week before the Billy Joel concert.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Jaleo is so good. I love me some tapas.

4:26 PM  
Blogger wunelle said...

I lurked my way thru the whole Q&A. Sorry. But it was awesome! I just didn't have anything worth answering to ask (before I realized *duh* that it's your ANSWERS, not my questions...)

It was still cool.

6:23 PM  
Anonymous boozie said...

Also, I am going to Lauriol Plaza on Saturday as it will be 75 degrees and frozen margaritas taste way better when you are not cold.

9:50 AM  
Blogger Isabel said...

Hey...great answers. Thanks for putting up with us!

And we have The Oceanaire out here in Seattle, but we've never tried it-even though I've been begging the husband for months. I think we need to go there now (I hear they have awesome desserts).

11:14 PM  

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