She's Come Unhooked
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Ok, let me back up and preface this all with something I’ve been pretty adamant about. I don’t like to date. Call me crazy, but I just do not enjoy it. It’s nerve racking and riddled with drama and I have always felt that I have enough drama in my life. My last relationship couldn’t have come at a more unfortunate time and after that experience I almost started in with another suitor and was smart enough to stop myself. Which, thank God, because the latter person ended up being a liar and an asshole, so now I think of it as a preemptive strike of sorts. Since then – 3 years(ish) – I’ve pretty much shied away from those with an XY chromosome. I’ve continually said that until I have my shit together and have done what I really want to do, then I’m not going to add another person to my life. By this I didn’t mean to say that if the right person were to come and sweep me off of my feet, then I’d kick his ass to the curb, but I’m less inclined to throw myself at the mercy of some male and beg him to hook up with me.
For the most part my crushes have been few and far between and mostly reserved for the extra special. Not short bus special, but I would give anything to marry him special. But this isn’t about that person, who does in fact exist. This is about now, while my friends are in some pretty serious relationships, I feel like the last man standing. In a Darwinian world, I’d probably be dead because my chances of procreation right now, are pretty slim to none. That said, my perpetual single status never really comes into play, at least not until recently. So when Larissa suggested The Unhooked Generation: The Truth about why We're Still Single by Jillian Strauss, I scoffed at the idea. But when I was told that it would be free, then who the hell gives up free shit? Though there was still much scoffing and incredulous beliefs as to what this book would actually do for me.
In short, the book did nothing. It consisted of chapter after chapter of reasons why people in their late 20’s to early 30’s were single. The use of IM to make relationships turned one woman off, detailed lists as if made to interview someone for the Pentagon were being used as guidelines to find one’s perfect mate, general stupidity of one gentleman who wanted a pseudo date before the real date turned another woman off…on and on and on. I didn’t need 200 pages of someone telling me what not to do; I know what not to do. The fact that people go on dates with such an exhaustive list of what their perfect person must have is what irked me the most. Half of the time, as Jillian Strauss pointed out, the items on the list were contradictory. One man wanted a woman who needed him, but was also independent. He wanted to feel like ‘the man’ in the relationship but wanted her to be able to pay for things herself. Half Carol Brady and half Murphy Brown. Even if one believes that women can be both (though I’m not saying whether or not I can agree or disagree with that), the fact is no one can live up to such meticulous standards.
My standards for potential mates are pretty simple: goal oriented, wants children (and not adverse to the ideas of adoption and/or midwifery), must be willing to be supportive of whatever I would like to do, College educated (Though I would make exceptions for this)…and that’s all I can think of for now. But honestly, I’m not too picky. Part of me thinks that my cynicism and dubious attitude toward this book was because I’m just now contemplating throwing myself into the dating gauntlet. With the interview type questions and the doubt and worry to whether or not I’m choosing the right person.
JB tells me that one day I’ll just bring all of my friends together and introduce them to my boyfriend and say “This is Joe, we’ve been dating for three months. The end.” There will be no questions from them, but JB says that I’m the type to be sure of who I find. I’m not too sure how correct that is, I know that part of the dating ritual is to go through the jackasses before getting to the Prince. But then again, we’ll see about that. The one thing I’m damn sure of is no more dating books. I’m already insecure and unsure about dating as it is, I don’t need a book to keep me up all night wondering if I’m dating correctly. But then again, that’s just me.