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"You've got Bush and Gore headed to the Supreme Court. You've got George W. Bush's intelligence will be pitted against Al Gore's honesty. This is more like a case for small claims court. " ~Jay Leno
Moving here almost five years ago was mostly because I wanted to meet and intern for Hillary Clinton. And if that never happened, I was pretty sure that I would die and be miserable for the rest of my life. ::insert eye roll here:: The thought of close proximity to real life members of congress made me giddy, because as we all know, meeting a Kennedy may possibly be the best thing ever in life…right up there with sex! ::double eye roll:: Now would also be a fantastic time to mention that watching the first session of a new congress sometimes makes me tear up a bit, but if you were to ask me that point blank, I’d just have to tell you that allergies can occur in January, so there.
The first member of congress that I encountered was none other than the illustrious Orrin Hatch. Considering that I know people from Provo who couldn’t pick the man out of a line up, I was quite impressed with my awesome skills of Senator reorganization and he totally said hi to me and then I may have died (and then I went home and wrote HB+OH=Luv and 14 Kids 4-EVER). Anyway, since then I’ve met and randomly seen the other 535 members and it’s kind of like walking through LA and possibly spotting a celebrity, they’re freaking everywhere (Patty Murray – for all you Seattleites – lives down the street from me.) And it’s really no big deal. So, whatever.
I should also mention that despite my love affair with congress there are probably a few that I just don’t like, wholly based on their indiscretions and generally unpleasant (or so I’ve heard) demeanor. But not one of them irks me as much as Katharine Harris. Let’s just say, I can hold a grudge and I’ll be holding this grudge until 2008 and I have no intention of ever letting up on it. We’ve encountered each other before (there were dueling swords), she was unassuming and I was bout ready to innocently trip her so that she would fall into the baked goods case at Starbucks.
Well last evening, I drove home from work because I had to babysit. And while I was driving I happened upon a very nice convertible Lexus, attempting to parallel park in a very tiny spot, in which said Lexus wouldn’t have fit in the first place, but whatever. The driver hit the car in front and then the car behind multiple times over. While this was happening, I laughed and watched in awe and then lamented on the fact that there are so many brilliant people in DC and they all drive for shit (present company included). As I get closer to the offending Lexus, I spot a 'Harris for Senate' bumper sticker on the back, which caused more eye rolling (it just happens, I swear.) And when I went past the car and turned to see who the asshat driving? It was none other than the Congresswoman from Florida, Katharine Harris. At which point I scrambled to find the camera phone and when unable to reach for my phone and keep from hitting the car in front of me, I parked – albeit illegally – and ran back down the (one way) street that I had last seen her on and she had vanished.
But had I taken a picture of Ms. Harris, you would’ve seen a frustrated red faced woman in a lovely silver Lexus, hitting a Camry and BMW repeatedly. I also would’ve posted that shit faster than you could say “Hanging chad” and probably sent an anonymous email to Wonkette and Drudge. Know this…if you are a member of congress, people can recognize you. Also be aware that it is a bad idea to hit other people’s cars at free will, because you just have to have your precious Lexus in a perfect spot. Also know, that if I have a long standing grudge against you and I catch you doing something stupid, I have no choice but to take a picture and or tell the internet that you are in fact one of the dumbest people a live. You know, in case they didn’t realize that already. All I have to say is "I am watching you" ::insert Jack Byrnes hand movements here::