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Thursday, May 04, 2006

About Town

Now, with shameless pimpage!

"You've got Bush and Gore headed to the Supreme Court. You've got George W. Bush's intelligence will be pitted against Al Gore's honesty. This is more like a case for small claims court. " ~Jay Leno

Moving here almost five years ago was mostly because I wanted to meet and intern for Hillary Clinton. And if that never happened, I was pretty sure that I would die and be miserable for the rest of my life. ::insert eye roll here:: The thought of close proximity to real life members of congress made me giddy, because as we all know, meeting a Kennedy may possibly be the best thing ever in life…right up there with sex! ::double eye roll:: Now would also be a fantastic time to mention that watching the first session of a new congress sometimes makes me tear up a bit, but if you were to ask me that point blank, I’d just have to tell you that allergies can occur in January, so there.

The first member of congress that I encountered was none other than the illustrious Orrin Hatch. Considering that I know people from Provo who couldn’t pick the man out of a line up, I was quite impressed with my awesome skills of Senator reorganization and he totally said hi to me and then I may have died (and then I went home and wrote HB+OH=Luv and 14 Kids 4-EVER). Anyway, since then I’ve met and randomly seen the other 535 members and it’s kind of like walking through LA and possibly spotting a celebrity, they’re freaking everywhere (Patty Murray – for all you Seattleites – lives down the street from me.) And it’s really no big deal. So, whatever.

I should also mention that despite my love affair with congress there are probably a few that I just don’t like, wholly based on their indiscretions and generally unpleasant (or so I’ve heard) demeanor. But not one of them irks me as much as Katharine Harris. Let’s just say, I can hold a grudge and I’ll be holding this grudge until 2008 and I have no intention of ever letting up on it. We’ve encountered each other before (there were dueling swords), she was unassuming and I was bout ready to innocently trip her so that she would fall into the baked goods case at Starbucks.

Well last evening, I drove home from work because I had to babysit. And while I was driving I happened upon a very nice convertible Lexus, attempting to parallel park in a very tiny spot, in which said Lexus wouldn’t have fit in the first place, but whatever. The driver hit the car in front and then the car behind multiple times over. While this was happening, I laughed and watched in awe and then lamented on the fact that there are so many brilliant people in DC and they all drive for shit (present company included). As I get closer to the offending Lexus, I spot a 'Harris for Senate' bumper sticker on the back, which caused more eye rolling (it just happens, I swear.) And when I went past the car and turned to see who the asshat driving? It was none other than the Congresswoman from Florida, Katharine Harris. At which point I scrambled to find the camera phone and when unable to reach for my phone and keep from hitting the car in front of me, I parked – albeit illegally – and ran back down the (one way) street that I had last seen her on and she had vanished.

But had I taken a picture of Ms. Harris, you would’ve seen a frustrated red faced woman in a lovely silver Lexus, hitting a Camry and BMW repeatedly. I also would’ve posted that shit faster than you could say “Hanging chad” and probably sent an anonymous email to Wonkette and Drudge. Know this…if you are a member of congress, people can recognize you. Also be aware that it is a bad idea to hit other people’s cars at free will, because you just have to have your precious Lexus in a perfect spot. Also know, that if I have a long standing grudge against you and I catch you doing something stupid, I have no choice but to take a picture and or tell the internet that you are in fact one of the dumbest people a live. You know, in case they didn’t realize that already. All I have to say is "I am watching you" ::insert Jack Byrnes hand movements here::


Anonymous Jorge said...

I always thought meeting a Kennedy is right up there with sex because they are pretty much the same thing?

I know next to nothing about US politicians. That's just a fraction less than I know about Canadian Politiians. All I know is that I am obliged to hate them all and say that I could do a better job running the country with an army of incontinent monkeys*.

* - I don't know why I wrote incontinent. It just seemed funnier to do so.

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

You are living my dream job I do believe. I am jealous beyond my comprehension.

10:03 AM  
Blogger I-66 said...

Meeting a drunk Kennedy might be a pretty good, though -- not sex good, but good still.

...unless you argue that a Kennedy is never sober, in which case it probably wouldn't be as special an experience.

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Sweet said...

Aww so close! Next time!

11:42 AM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

Jorge stole my comment! (The meeting a Kennedy = sex part, not the incontinent monkeys part... although, he's right, for some reason the inclusion of "incontinent" makes it even funnier.)

I wish you had gotten a picture. So basically, she kept hitting the cars on either side until she realized she wasn't going to fit? What a jackass.

12:19 PM  
Blogger Isabel said...

Does this mean that you've actually met a Kennedy? Because that would probably be better than sex (but don't tell my husband I said that...okay?)

And will this get me points with you? I was actually on OH "youth advisory committe" when I was in high school and received Christmas cards from him for years! Although I never really "advised" him on anything. Jerk.

And Kathrine Harris is a tool. What kind of person can change history but can't freakin' park her car?? DORK!

Too bad you didn't get a picture. That would have been super awesome.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

For all inquiring minds, I've met three Kennedy's: Patrick, Ted and Eunice Shriver (Maria's mother)

I've met Ted Kennedy like 5 times and he brings his dogs with him everwhere. I met Eunice at an event a few years ago and she told me how great it was that I was involved in politics and then started talking about her "Brother the President". I like to point that out because I really had no idea that her brother had been President.


Oh, and I've never seen a Kennedy while on the Cape.

4:37 PM  
Blogger V said...

LOVE that story, let's dish more tomorrow at HHH. I have a couple funny drunk politicans stories too :)

4:44 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

You know, you were like the third person I thought of when this happened. And boy do I have some awesome stories. (seriously)

4:52 PM  
Blogger Indiana Jonesing said...

I had lunch with Patrick (speaking of Kennedys) when he was a gangly, pimple-faced college student in Providence. Is he skinny?

9:53 PM  
Blogger Indiana Jonesing said...

Oh, and Katharine Harris is a hands down, Grade A, Class 1 Beeyatch! Hizzuh!

9:54 PM  
Blogger ❉ pixie ❉ said...

Nice. Some people are such a treat.

7:26 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

I'm so glad you like me.

7:44 AM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

No offense but Orrin Hatch and Love seem like a contradiction in terms ;-)

9:46 AM  
Blogger Wombat & Aspen said...

I'd be careful getting into a car with a Kennedy, Heather.

Very timely post, you clever woman.


11:20 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

I think it's funny that she had her own bumper sticker on her car. ha ha!

(I'm met Maria & Bobby Shriver...but that's as close to a Kennedy as I've been, as far as I know).

11:46 AM  
Blogger Dr. Andrew Abshier said...

Hey HB,

Great catch on Harris. I have the misfortune to be one of her constituents, and so I follow her exploits (cough SARCASM cough) closely. The car thing fits her to a T. When she's confronted with the truth she doesn't accept it. That space was too small for her car. Therefore she made it bigger.

If Nelson doesn't mop the floor with this woman in November, I may have to run for Senate myself someday.

12:25 PM  

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