“My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.” ~Ashleigh Brilliant
I’m intrinsically pretty type A. So as I sat munching away at carrots and laughing cow cheese, I realized how uncharacteristic of my usual self that I have been. Not that I’m normally happy go lucky all is well or some such bullshit, but on the whole, if things are ‘fine’ then I am ‘fine’ and will respond as such. That is unless I’m terribly depressed – which has happened before – but that’s usually marked by random disappearances and self inflected injuries, capped off with 2+ years in therapy.
Anyway, I’ve been wholly unmotivated lately, to the point where my bedroom looks like Hiroshima (or Nagasaki or the Atlantic after the Titanic sank, whatever) and my sleeping pattern can be likened to a newborn at best, with the waking up every two hours at night, but not being soothed by a caring parent. I’ve also been driven to tears by pure ridiculousness of my own manifestation. Other highlights include: crying because I couldn’t find the Gap on South Street and holy hell there should be a Gap every-fucking-where; being flipped off and yelled at at the Exxon in Northeast by some large burly black man; crying during the credits of the West Wing which was remedied by my mother calling CJ Cregg a Bitch. So as you can see, I’ve been nothing but a ball of laughs lately and I just can’t shake it.
Beyond packing my shit up and driving a uhaul to Jackson Hole and/or hold a party for Kris, without whom I would never recognize the lamey, lameness of others, which completely trumps my own, and/or holding a party for the wonderful congresswoman from FL, without which no one would ever read my blog and I’d be equally as lame and/or just ahhhh…I’m also having a bit of a shit time with realizing that the past five years have fucking flown by and yet I’m feeling wholly inadequate with a headache to boot.
Re-reading that last part, I’m just a lady in waiting: Waiting for things to start making sense again so I can just get on with it. Impatient is the first word that comes to mind.