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Thursday, June 29, 2006

2 Legit

“What we remember from childhood we remember forever - permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen.” ~Cynthia Ozick

It was Mother’s Day and in honor of my mother, my father took Peg, G and I to a hotel restaurant downtown for dinner. Despite my parents divorce years prior, I was never one of those children who wished for my parents to reconcile and live among unicorns and rainbows, so I took it for what it was and enjoyed the meal and the ‘surprise’ that both of my parents had planned for after dinner.

We were enjoying our meals, when my father tapped me on the shoulder and told me to look over there. I looked up and saw nothing. He pressed on and told me to keep looking. He pointed, I looked around and went back to my chicken fingers.

Exasperated, he grabbed my hand and made me move away from the honey mustard and brought me over to the other side of where we were seated. I noticed nothing – NOTHING – out of the ordinary and removed myself from his grip and went back to salivating over my food.

To this day, I don’t know how I missed ‘it’. The ‘It’, the man that he was trying to show me. Because then the man walked up to our table…completely nonchalantly, as if he and my father were BFFE. How do you miss a man with that unmistakable hair? Shaved on the sides into multiple lines and a little bit left on the top. And those pants?? I should’ve seen the pants from a mile away. They were HIS trademark pants. Gold Hammer pants. My father had been trying to get me to see MC Hammer, but I was too busy being transfixed by the golden fingers and French fries.

He and my father chatted for a bit, while I sat in utter silence, because I ran away from MC Hammer; I ran away like he was going to kidnap me and take me to the great Hammer Mansion where I could have all the chicken and honey mustard my little heart desired. Afterwards we left dinner for our surprise – Boys II Men of course. And on the way there my dear, wonderful father proceeded to stop every other person on the street to inform them that his daughter had just run away from MC Hammer. This is something that I have yet to live down, along with that time that I peed all over our rental car in Orlando.

A few months later, which I would presume to be the end of my Hammer hey day, G and I decided to put on a little show for all of our friends. We donned our very own Hammer Pants – G’s were denim and mine were some strange cotton type thing with neon flowers – and did my personally choreographed moves to 2 Legit.

And Lord, I thought I was hot. HOT: Because there is nothing hotter than a boobless eight year old rolling her non-existent hips and singing ‘Can’t Touch This’.


Blogger Bone said...

You ran away? Hahahahaha! What a great story.

That really blows my Hammer story out of the water. Going to the record store last year and buying the Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em CD. And asking the cashier to please not look at the CD as she rang it up.

11:16 AM  
Anonymous lorie said...

That is super hilarious.

I used to listen to Hammer all the time on my kickin' Sony Walkman. I used to wear it out in public and sing/rap along to MC Hammer, but softly, as if I didn't realize I was singing along out loud. But not TOO softly, because the main reason I was doing it was so that people would hear me and realize I was listening to MC Hammer and think I was cool.

This paragraph may explain every single thing that is wrong with me today.

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Because there is nothing hotter than a boobless eight year old rolling her non-existent hips and singing ‘Can’t Touch This’.

Maybe the only thing that could compete would be an over-boobed (if there is such a word) 10 year old doing her own choreographed moves to "Like a Virgin" for her Evangelical Christian grandparents....

actually, that might be a tie.

and chicken fingers are way cooler than Hammer :) wise choice.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Whinger said...

I can see being terrified of Hammer when I was 8.

Totally reasonable.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Floyd said...

I would totally like to thank you for putting "Can't Touch This" into my mental soundtrack where it will play and play and play for approximately the next 52 hours.

If I get laughed at this weekend for doing that sideways dance move, you will be so blamed.

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Jacynth said...

OMG: I LOVE this story! Particuarly the fact that your parents surprised you with a Boys II Men concert, what great parents! I probably would have run away from Hammer as well, I can only imagine that his pants were quite blinding.

5:48 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

I made the mistake of staying up late last night and watching VH1's show of the worst songs ever. I was just getting "Pumps and A Bump" out of my head but now I think it is stuck there.

6:18 PM  
Anonymous MappyB said...

That beats the hell out of my mom met Bow Wow story on Mother's Day! How fun!!!! And running away from Hammer is pretty cute. :)

8:09 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

Great story - loved it!

Rock on Sista!

7:02 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

You know what's hotter?

A librarian trying to do the same thing as she commuted to work in her Subaru this morning.


8:31 AM  
Blogger Kris said...


11:22 AM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

To be repeated at our next happy hour...

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Jorge said...

That explains why your legs started twitching at the Italian restaurant where we met.

It all makes perfect sense now.

A gold nugget to whomever can translate whatever the hell James Brown says in the 2 Legit video.

9:49 PM  
Blogger MKD said...

Do you have pictures? If so, I think you should post them. It is the only thing to do.

2:34 PM  
Blogger darlin nikki said...

yes, priceless! i think all girls of that age were dancing everywhere to it. my personal fav was the supermarket :)

1:07 PM  

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