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Friday, June 09, 2006

The best policy

“Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy...that's how we're made. So, you can waste your life drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.” – Ellen Pompeo

As a child I lied a lot and as I grew into adolescence Peg would lament on my pathological state and continuously banish me to my room. Over the years, I’ve gotten considerably better with the lying about stupid shit. Did I use your AmEx without asking? Yup. Did I eat the last cupcake? Hell yeah…and so forth.

Now it’s only the bigger things that I purposely lie about, but I suppose they’re not all lies, but rather things that I don’t want to share out of fear that I’ll be chastised. And let’s be honest, it’s not like it’s some great fantastic shit that I keep to myself…well…save for that one time with the substance and customs…(Spanish jail cells are none to pleasant).

I was speaking with a friend of mine the other day about different therapy options given that my former therapist is (A) too expensive and (B) clear across the city, in a land far off and away. This friend disclosed her apprehensive of ever mentioning it and I questioned why. In my drunken, slurred speech, I explained and rationalized to her that every fucking person and their mother gets depressed but since for any depressed person, realizing this about his or herself is a painful and arduous process, it makes it all the more difficult to disclose this to a close friend or family member, without feeling like you’ve done something wrong or be excommunicated for it.

Thinking about this conversation last night is when bright lights and stars and shit went off in my head to make me become conscious of the fact that I am none too honest about a lot of things; not just with others but also with myself. Thus maddening me and turning me into a ball of prickly fun. Because if and when I don’t disclose things, all I do is overanalyze inwardly, write hyperbolic hypotheticals and subsequently drink myself into a Malbec stupor.

So I guess the goal here is to divulge more…to take down the boundaries and get to this. Less hyperbole, more reality. Less Malbec, more Grey Goose.

9 Comments:

Blogger Liz said...

Malbec?

(Shiraz sits alone in the corner of the room, weeping silently)

Looking forward to more divulging. ;)

11:39 AM  
Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana) said...

Oooh, a good Malbec can definitely take the place of my beloved vodka at times. But not tonight ;)

I used to be a big fat liar when I was a kid, too. I mean I lied about anything and everything. It was obscene. Now I am honest almost to a fault -- like telling my best friends that her new hair cut looks like ass. Years later, I still can't live that one down. Ask Buggie about it tonight, she's real good at telling that story.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Liz: I think Yellowtail is feeling deprived, but the Malbec is just so tasty.

Marci: Of course I'll be asking Buggie about all of this...

1:00 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

I never called it "lying." I called it "self-preservation." My mother never really understood that. Then again, this is the woman who punished me for those transgressions. I figure that sometimes the truth is just too painful at times. Then again I don't think I've ever told a lie on my blog. Might be why I won't let my mom read it.

1:41 PM  
Blogger jackt said...

Good approach. There is such a thing as being too introspective I think.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Dagny: I like that; "self preservation". It has a nice ring to it.

Jackt: Gracias. No more introspection just full on, this is what I'm thinking the end.

5:17 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

It does, doesn't it? Much nicer than "I am trying to keep my mother from killing me."

6:56 PM  
Anonymous Neil said...

So is this going to be No Pasa Nada, act 2?

9:05 PM  
Blogger Isabel said...

Wow...this should be fun!

11:33 AM  

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