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“I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.” ~Fred Allen
Hi, you’ve reached HB.
Unfortunately I am unavailable right now as I am too busy reeling from the ineptitude of postal workers and Bank of America employees. But given that dealing with both is a necessary evil, that closely resembles the fifth circle of Hell, I am making every attempt to not call said employees gauche halfwits because (A) that would be terribly rude and (B) It would return a response of “what is a gauche halfwit?” Then my head may spontaneously combust. I would also like to take this time to mention that these are the exact same feelings I hold towards the Transportation Security Administration, but being annoyed with any entity and/or person that may be helping to thwart terrorism is looked down upon by Fox news and Rick Santorum, both of which I would like to keep monumentally happy.
In the event that this is an actual emergency, you can reach me at (202) USPS Can Kiss my Ass and await the standard message system that will not lead you to an operator but to a series of automated answers that will be wholly unhelpful and make you want to remove a part of your anatomy with a butter knife.
Have a great day.