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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Pain and the Infallible One

So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key.” ~The Eagles, "Already Gone"

As with most things in life, there comes a point where you realize that though most of the time, things are out of your control, yet there is still about 60% of what occurs in life that has totally been made of your own doing. Upon realizing this you can either (A) Cry; (B) comment on your utter stupidity, naivety and ridiculous nature; or (C) All of the above, which a goblet of Cabernet Sauvignon. Never mind that, those choices are rather irrational or that you could actually do something to change the eternal suckitude. Nope, instead you wallow. Wallow in ennui and malaise then bitch, bitch, bitch, because this sucks.

Of course, I realize all of this with all of the great wisdom I have acquired over the past 22 years. It has also taken about that same amount of time to realize that some people are allowed to be self righteous shit heads and it’s ok for them to do so because though they are not God’s gift to the free world, they have the feeling that they may in fact be omnipotent. Long story short, one must amuse them and pretend that in fact they are the most wonderful perfect beings in the world, even while really thinking that they are quite possibly the dumbest people to ever walk the face of the earth. Rinse and repeat.

I’m not happy. I’m ridiculously unhappy, with myself and with others. So much so that I dread most everything because it’s same shit, different channel. But I’m annoying myself and the wallowing and self pity have gotten quite tiresome for me and probably for anyone within striking distance of me. The thing is that feigning happiness takes more out of me than the self loathing, but we’re only talking by a very small percentage. So now that I’ve been reeling enough for all of us, I can make the decision to move on with some modicum of grace or I can gnaw at my cuticles and grind my teeth while perfecting my eye roll. I suppose that now would be a perfect time to choose the former…but it doesn’t mean that I can’t comment on the perpetual stupidity of my common (wo)man and of myself from time to time.


Anonymous dorkette said...

Here, here!

Totally with you on this. I cannot just BE. Can you? There's always something to beat yourself up about.

And yeah, I wanna be a clam digger for sure. I miss California : (

I turn 33 this month and still don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I have a feeling I never will....

Now commencing blender preparation for margaritas.

8:58 PM  

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