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Thursday, June 08, 2006

Remember When

"Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us." ~Oscar Wilde, "The Importance of Being Earnest"

Remember all of those times that I suggested that in the event of Holy rapture, the people at BofA should be the first to go into the fiery gates of Hell? Well last night those fuckers almost redeemed themselves, by way of providing little tiny cards with all of their big cards so that if you’re a moron who tries to return a skirt that makes you look like a member of Juniper Creek, without a credit card; rest assured because you have a tiny card on your keys which an be used in these emergency situations. And yes, being dressed like a wife of Roman Grant is a severe emergency.

Remember that time I started going to the gym solely to improve my golf game and not because I had an extra 20lbs hanging around? Well, it apparently paid off as I ran a 5K in less than 35 minutes and then went to the gym later on in the day. Of course my right leg blew the hell off later, but that’s ok! I’m 18 lbs lighter and can run like someone’s chasing me without dying. Yippee!

that one occasion I was deliriously worried – ok, who am I kidding? I mean everyday - but mostly worried about meeting new people because new people are crazy scarier and there’s a good reason for why bloggers do things via computer? Well, now I’m all ‘I’ve exchanged a comment with you? Let’s have drinks’ or ‘Yes! I would love to go to a convention with 400 other complete strangers who will totally hate me and want to kill me after day one! Sounds like fun!”

Remember the other day, when I got wireless and was all excited because wireless and the innernet is a new fangled technology and ‘wow, what a concept’? Well, today I discovered this thing called Netflix, where you can get movies by mail. I love DVDs and I love mail. Who the hell knew that you could put the two together..?!

Remember, many, many moons ago, when mentioned that my brother is possibly the worst conversationalist ever and I hoped that he would learn some god damn manners before answering the phone? Well, that little shit reminded me why I never really completely loathed him (save for that time I stepped on his back or when I put a pool stick in the spokes of his bike so that he would run into a wall – then Peg promptly beat the black out of me with that same pool stick). He informed me of a christmas present so awesome that I wanted to jump through the phone and buy him a new turtle: All of the movies from our childhood. Seriously, that gift is right up there with a gift card from Whole Foods.

And in honor of the way I’m feeling today…remember your days as a college sophomore when drinking on a Wednesday night was the most brilliant thing ever, because no one gave a shit about going to class? Well, Jaeger on a Wednesday night when you have to be alert at 8 AM now makes me appreciate a good 12 step program.

So you see kids, we have progress, which is always a good thing.


Anonymous Boozie said...

I like drinks...

2:47 PM  
Anonymous e. said...

Have you seen ? They send you BOOKS in the MAIL. There is no human interaction, only the COMPUTER and the BOOKS! Can life get any better?

Now can we exchange comments and get a beer?

(I've been lurking about here off Amalah's blog for a while. For some reason social anxiety jokes seemed a good way to delurk...)

2:47 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

First off, Blogger is being a PMSing little bitch today.

Moving on..

seeing made me wet myself in excitement. As I was signing up for Netflix, I was thinking about how this will ruin my already feeble brain and I should be spending that money on books, but no one delivers books...but now? Things have changed and I'm a happy HB.

And for the record, I'm always up for getting drinks...

3:08 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

I am a huge fan of Netflix. I did not know about booksfree though. Hmmm. Perhaps no more trips to the library.

And I'd ask you about a drink but we're on opposite coasts. Perhaps when you make it out this way for BlogHer.

5:56 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

This reminds me a bit of the Chris Farley show.

"Remember Beatlemania? That was awesome."

Blogger's been horrible most of this week.

9:46 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

Oh, congratulations on your run!

Augh! I hate it when I do that. And have to go back and leave two comments. So stupid!

9:47 PM  
Anonymous Jorge said...

Oresome, luv.

I'm glad that you have discovered new and wonderful things about this thing we call the internet.

I'm also proud of you for finishing the 5K in less time than you posted a limit for.

Money well spent, in my view.


10:16 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Dagny: I will probably need a lot of drinks when I'm out west because I'll be freaking the hell out about meeting NEW people.

Bone: Blogger should be right after BofA in case of Apocolypse. What's worse is that I've spent all week thinking that everyone hated me, when it was that fucking blogger wouldn't let anyone fucking comment. EVER. Lets be honest, I blog because I like to write and also because of the instant feedback. When I don't get instant feedback, I turn into a basketcase. I need comments. I live for comments. I am batshit insane...

Jorge: I suddenly LOVE the internet. Ok, mostly I just love only having to interact with people via computer unless I have a grey goose and vodka in my hand..then and only then, will I see you in person. I feel like Sandra Bullock in The Net.

11:32 PM  
Anonymous whinger said...

SO pleased for you to discover that which is Netflix.

Also? How much do you rock that you ran that 5K? Quite a bit, really.

5:31 PM  
Blogger Isabel said...

Netflix? What is this thing you speak of?

11:34 AM  

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