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Friday, August 25, 2006

Cortland, Macintosh and Tweed

“You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it's all right.” ~Maya Angelou

I’m homesick, ridiculously so at that. Another one of those rarities that tend to just sneak up on me and much like my current infatuation, it’s been eating at me and bumming me out. The last time I felt this way, I was standing on a street corner (in my best clear heels, no less) between Goya and Sol, crying to Peg that Cortes – motherfucking – Ingles didn’t sell shoes above a size 10 and what kind of motherfucking store, doesn’t sell shoes above a size 10. That pretty much sums up the conversation in which I was adamant about being brought back to a normal fucking place that has shoes above a size 10, a fine place called AMERICA. Of course I stuck it out, learned my lesson and was cliché as hell about leaving. But at the time, I was in pain and the task at hand seemed daunting. In hindsight I can say “Who was that girl? That girl who felt forced to be in a beautiful, wine friendly country? The hell?!”

I don’t feel nearly as strongly about it as I did then. I’m not across the Atlantic and technically, I could go up to Upstate New York this weekend if I really so desired to have my will to live sucked out of me, via the New Jersey Turnpike. It’s ridiculous how I feel so close to it now and please don’t believe the bull shit that I have always loved Albany, NY with every soul of my being. But it’s like that with most people and their respective hometowns. While living there, I wanted to kill myself every other day and what kind of God makes Winter last from the beginning of November to May? Of course the second I left, I was all ‘Upstate NY is the shit and winter rocks my world.’ Umm, yeah.

It’s just that it’s Fall. Fall means tweeds, apple picking (the title up there are my two favorite types of apples. You learn that sort of shit when you live in Upstate), Adirondack foliage, hot chocolate at football games, long underwear under a Halloween costume, Woodbury Commons sales, apple cider donuts, newness and that smell. The smell of fall gets me every time. It makes me weepy and longing for my mother’s house and hiking and the simplicity of things. And though it rarely happens, right now I’m aching for that, yearning for just a solid week at home.

Come November when it’s a balmy 67 degrees on Election Day and this winter when I don’t have to think about shoveling a damn thing, I’ll appreciate living here and knowing that I got exactly what I wanted, so really, can I complain? During my next venture home, I’ll be slapped with the painstaking reality that I can’t just go out and enjoy four glasses of wine and get home via my own two feet or a metro and that there’s not a damn thing to do while you’re there. But for now, until I can finally get home again, just allow me to miss it.

8 Comments:

Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

god, i know what you mean. i'm living in sweden (left my fav city-denver) for this dull as dishwater fishing village all for love. it's hard.

6:01 AM  
Blogger treespotter said...

it's nice to've somewhere to miss.

9:04 AM  
Blogger DivineDiva said...

the grass is always greener in the other side until you get there and then its just astroturf. I know how you feel.I grew up in Vegas , now I am in B.F, Montana, wishing I was in Seattle, I guess I will always be wishing I were somewhere else. Sending a cup of cider your way!

5:58 PM  
Anonymous jonniker said...

Oh of course I know this feeling. And you know, I like upstate New York - I went to Syracuse, after all. And I think the whole area is highly underrated. It's middle America without the terrifying pervasive...NICENESS and overly-politeness that is the midwest.

It will get better, but you knew that already. Lotsa love until it passes.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous stephanie said...

I really miss fall in upstate NY fall, too. I attempted to go apple picking down here last year and it wasn't nearly the same. And the whole foliage thing... I mean, here in DC it's green green green, and then suddenly the leaves all fall off and die within a week. What's up with that?


Oh, and my parents live a half hour from Woodbury Commons. That place ROCKS!

9:06 PM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

Great, now I'm homesick for YOUR home, (which I have never been to,) and mine ;-)

6:26 AM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

I always know I'm getting homesick when I start seeing Maryland license plates.

BTW, Woodbury Commons is the bestest.

11:20 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Wait -- you're in DC now and from upstate NY too? I'm originally from Syracuse. I do miss this time of year, also -- fall in central NY is so lovely. And this is the week of the New York State Fair, one of my favorite end-of-summer activities.

Sigh. At least there's a Wegmans nearby.

1:02 PM  

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