“That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else” – Sixteen Candles
No matter how I word it, no matter the eloquence I attempt or the wittiness I try to portray; there really is no other way to say it than to blurt it out: I have a crush.
(Insert girly screams here)
But actually don’t insert the girly screams, because I am not a girly screamer. Instead of blushing and wooing and awesome amounts of flirting. I retreat and think “oh fuck” because I loathe crushes. I detest the word ‘crush’ even more. But is there a better word? A potential interest? God, I sound awful and woefully pathetic and nothing sounds pretty because it is, what it is, and it’s unfortunate.
I actually get these pangs of wonderfulness toward the opposite sex once a year and we’re being real literal here. Once. A. year. Other than that, I live my life in peace and relative normalcy, not giving a damn about what I may say or do or act, because I only have to think about myself (I’m selfish like that). But when that feeling hits, instead of becoming giddy, I cower and wait for my personal feelings to abate. Because they must eventually.
Why I do this could be accredited to dozens of things from general fear to “daddy issues” but if another uses that term, well, I’ll just have to cut you. Now I find myself sullen and full of blah, because as with the past, it will most likely need to a vast amount of nothingness, but that’s just how these things work.
Now would be an excellent time to cue up reasons for why HB is still single, but then this would be a stunning 275 page novel of why I am so painfully cynical and pessimistic, with annotated footnotes to boot. And we wouldn’t want that now would we?
*And for all of you playing at home, noticing that this is the one and only time in 315 posts that I’ve mentioned any sort of relationship type anything, it’s because lo I am relationship inept and can’t get past the ‘crushing’ (seriously find a better word) phase without going into “HB failure overload” and then the blue screen of death and BOOM.