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Friday, August 18, 2006

Eight legged freaks

“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” ~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894

Though I try to limit my beliefs in the intangible to He who resides up above, I would be remiss not to note a fascination with astrology, particularly my ever so present Scorpio tendencies. Because they are so blatantly there, staring me in the face, daring me to be a vindictive little bitch; just accept it and move on.

And I hate to admit it, but I am a scorpio to a ‘T’ and truly believe I should come with a warning sign tattooed across my chest (You know, for all those times I go around flashing people): Beware: Quick to achieve ferocious anger if fucked with. I also have the passion, the drive, and a propensity to be withdrawn, when really I’m just watching everyone and everything like a hawk*. Passion and drive and intensity aren’t necessarily bad, it’s the obsessive nature, continuously hurt feelings from nothing, and a tendency to do everything to the extremes that I worry about. And of course, I don’t mind an overly sexual nature, which I tend to keep hidden to myself; because do you really want to hear my thoughts on sex every other second of the day? No.

I’ll always tend to put myself out there and yet fear being hurt. I’ll always wonder whether or not someone actually likes me or if I’m just annoying that person to death. I’ll always be a fierce friend but the second things go sour, will be quick to jettison those that cross me.

It’s part of my character to be (woefully) intense but then again, it makes me severely empathetic/sympathetic and compelled to help when I can. I’m over my jealous, compulsive, resentful and secretive behavior and thank God, I have friends that are well aware of these things and have yet to push me off the Sears Tower. That’s because I would be too determined and forceful and woo them with some deep dish pizza that they’ll forget all about me being a raging bitch.

What I hate, and what I’m dwelling over now (SEE?) is the obsessive nature of things. Why I have to be overly introspective and why for the life of me I feel so compelled to make a big deal out of something that is so not a big deal. Ergo the reasoning for why I hate being in the ‘throes of a crush’ even if that crush is purely derived from nothing and thankfully not hardcore doodling and debating to go with his last name or to hyphen my name; but instead a slight interest in another who I am attracted to and would like to get to know better. Though there are plenty of other things to over think that just happens to be at the top of my list.

Though I feel better now that I’ve gotten that out there and I’ve accepted my emotional and sometimes caustic behavior; friends of mine might shake their heads with dismay and question “Sexual? What sexual?” And well maybe we’ll touch on that one day, but not today.

*Which means that I’ve kind of been a tad untruthful**: I’m not really all that shy or socially awkward, I’m really just watching intensely, I only use my glass of wine for a cover.

**So now you know that I’m a bitch and a liar. Wanna be friends?


Blogger Mrs. Ca said...

I don't like to believe in astrology either, but I really do act like the Sagitarius that I am. Once I was in a store and they had a book that told you about your traits based on your birthdate. It was pretty freaky because it was like someone had written a paragraph describing me - it was just that dead on. I still try not to believe in that stuff, but it can be pretty convincing.

1:37 PM  
Blogger DivineDiva said...

My hubbys a scorpio, and I am an aquarius , accordig to all thise books are relationship was doomed before it ever began, While we are totally what the books say personality wise, we have been married for 10 years and together 12. Anyway enough about me, it's tough being in the middle of a crush and your object of affection, is so close but you just can't touch.. I feel for ya sis! *sending a huge glass of wine your way*

1:52 PM  
Blogger DivineDiva said...

ugggg my spelling sucks today...
must be the wine! (or lack thereof)

1:53 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Mrs. Ca: Exactly, I try not to believe either, but oh my, I couldn't be anymore of a scorpio. Scary.

Divinediva: No worries, my spelling sucks everyday. And as for the crush, eh, it sucks.

2:14 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

Hi, I'm an Aquarius. I have no idea what that means.

And I'll be sure to ask how your weekend was on Monday. So have a good one.

3:04 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

Or is it an Aquarian?

3:04 PM  
Anonymous carmen said...

Hey, Heather, I'm a Scorpio who doesn't believe in it, yet can't believe how well the tshirt fits.

No wonder I like you so much!

9:36 PM  
Anonymous Attempting a blog said...

I'm a taurus but looking at the description I'm definately a scorpio.I'm glad I found a way to defy astrology/horoscopes/star shit.

10:28 PM  
Anonymous leahpeah said...

wouldn't that be awesome if we all had warning signs? i would love that. so many misunderstandings averted...

11:33 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

personally, I like bitchy liars. we should definitely be friends.

2:35 PM  
Blogger Stiletto Tongue said...

I'm a Leo. And a christian (WWJSB: What Would Jesus' Sign Be?)

But after reading this, I think that I may be sprouting a scorpion's tail.

5:12 PM  
Anonymous kerrianne said...

Seriously! I know what you mean about being a certain sign almost perfectly. And I, too, am not fast to believe in an all powerful star, or, you know, ten billion. But I am a Gemini, through and through. And then once more, for good measure. ;)

6:00 AM  
Anonymous chris said...

<< because do you really want to hear my thoughts on sex every other second of the day? No.>>

But yes, yes I do!

3:02 PM  

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