Eight legged freaks
“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” ~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead
Though I try to limit my beliefs in the intangible to He who resides up above, I would be remiss not to note a fascination with astrology, particularly my ever so present Scorpio tendencies. Because they are so blatantly there, staring me in the face, daring me to be a vindictive little bitch; just accept it and move on.
And I hate to admit it, but I am a scorpio to a ‘T’ and truly believe I should come with a warning sign tattooed across my chest (You know, for all those times I go around flashing people): Beware: Quick to achieve ferocious anger if fucked with. I also have the passion, the drive, and a propensity to be withdrawn, when really I’m just watching everyone and everything like a hawk*. Passion and drive and intensity aren’t necessarily bad, it’s the obsessive nature, continuously hurt feelings from nothing, and a tendency to do everything to the extremes that I worry about. And of course, I don’t mind an overly sexual nature, which I tend to keep hidden to myself; because do you really want to hear my thoughts on sex every other second of the day? No.
I’ll always tend to put myself out there and yet fear being hurt. I’ll always wonder whether or not someone actually likes me or if I’m just annoying that person to death. I’ll always be a fierce friend but the second things go sour, will be quick to jettison those that cross me.
It’s part of my character to be (woefully) intense but then again, it makes me severely empathetic/sympathetic and compelled to help when I can. I’m over my jealous, compulsive, resentful and secretive behavior and thank God, I have friends that are well aware of these things and have yet to push me off the
What I hate, and what I’m dwelling over now (SEE?) is the obsessive nature of things. Why I have to be overly introspective and why for the life of me I feel so compelled to make a big deal out of something that is so not a big deal. Ergo the reasoning for why I hate being in the ‘throes of a crush’ even if that crush is purely derived from nothing and thankfully not hardcore doodling and debating to go with his last name or to hyphen my name; but instead a slight interest in another who I am attracted to and would like to get to know better. Though there are plenty of other things to over think that just happens to be at the top of my list.
Though I feel better now that I’ve gotten that out there and I’ve accepted my emotional and sometimes caustic behavior; friends of mine might shake their heads with dismay and question “Sexual? What sexual?” And well maybe we’ll touch on that one day, but not today.
*Which means that I’ve kind of been a tad untruthful**: I’m not really all that shy or socially awkward, I’m really just watching intensely, I only use my glass of wine for a cover.
**So now you know that I’m a bitch and a liar. Wanna be friends?