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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The error of my ways

“A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.” ~Earl Wilson

Things started to go down hill around 3 PM when my allergies suddenly went into full drive. Spare me the ‘What the fucks?’ because I don’t even know. Who the hell gets allergies in the fall? FALL. Fall is for happiness and apples, not an allergy to dying leaves and humidity. And then I got all obsessive, natch. And then I went home.

Upon my arrival home I attempted to open the door quickly and in a huff and lo, the door, it was not only locked but dead bolted. While I appreciate the gesture for someone to come through and fix the walls, light fixtures and bulbs in my apartment, I have no dead bolt key. Which as you can see, would be a most excellent thing to have at that moment because no one wants a pissed off, obsessive woman locked out of her apartment. But like I said, I appreciate the very nice gesture of protecting my favorite IKEA mirror and Smashbox eye shadow from burglars. Of course in my haste and generally sour demeanor I called Peg and may have used a few choice words – because it’s all her fault, everything is, even when it isn’t, it is – and then hung up on her.

We are on a roll here people.

Here would be an excellent time for us to play a fun little guessing game: Remember the time that I wrote a few not so nice things about my leasing office? Did I mention that that first paragraph, with much of the not very niceness, was in the WaPo Express*? Did you know that the people who work in my leasing office read the WaPo Express? Did I ever let y’all know that while in San Ho, the head of my leasing office told me that from that point on I could only conduct business with them from outside of their “shabby offices”?

Yeah. Oh yeah.

Did you know that most people on the planet are considerably nicer than I? And that when I called the head of my leasing office – who is very nice and has pretty hair – about being locked out, she was nice enough to drive back to her office at 7:30 PM (DC traffic is also a bitch, and driving four blocks can take upwards of 20 minutes)? Then she was pleasant to me. PLEASANT! While I stood in her office gnawing on my nails and silently praying that she wouldn’t call me an evil whore with poor sentence structure. Then she gave me my keys and I cried. I fucking cried my entire way home because she was nice and I wasn’t and I deserved to be locked out and possibly punched in the head.

Earlier today, I was informed that I can be intimidating and scary. Or at least that’s how I can come off; as if I would jam a pen in someone’s eye. I was slightly taken aback by that statement and became mildly annoyed, though thankfully the person who brought the latter to my attention, called me on my bullshit and I felt sheepish and departed the conversation. What I’m saying is that I can be mean. Really mean and a straight up bitch, especially via the written word. Honestly though I’m not. You can even ask actual real life people who can tell you that I’m not at all mean but instead shy and quiet and rather pleasant and fun to be around. I suppose that now that I know that people think me intimidating and scary, I feel terribly. Especially when those that I’ve made vitriolic remarks towards and/or about are nothing but nice in return.

In short: I suck. A lot. Annnnnnd now would be a fantastic time to head on up to Martha’s Vineyard where I will be until Monday evening. I promise to return a little bit nicer and a lot less bitchy. Well that is if Peg allows me into her house, cause you know I like to share the bitchiness with all.

*It's a shorter version of the Washington Post. It's also free and given out by all of the metro stations. I don't read it, because I walk to work in the morning.


Blogger Kris said...

You are so a teddy bear. In wino's clothing.

Sorry I backed out on the piercing. Stoooopid Goooogle Images. They're the reason I never have sex, either.

9:19 PM  
Blogger DivineDiva said...

you know that glass of wine above me loookkkss soo good! I am sending you loves! Everyone knows your a sweetie! I am always called a bitch (because I am) and when I write I sound really, nice.Pleasent, even. My own mother says of my voicemail, "you SOUND nice but,we all know your not." ouch.

9:26 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

Pfffft. Scary and intimidating? Puhleeze. You're all talk, HB!

Or, mostly talk.

Some talk?

What are you doing with that pen?

My blue eyes are my livelihood!

9:59 PM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

being scary and intimidating is so under rated.

8:25 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Kris: Awww, I knew you of all people would think that. It's fine about the piercing, I really don't need another one.

divinediva: Well having someone I've never met know that I'm a sweetie is a very nice compliment. Why thank you.

Sir Bone: Stick you in the eye with a pen? Where did you get that crazy idea. I'm full of threats though I rarely follow through.

I'm not defensive: You're probably right and it was a male who said that I was such. They think all women are scary and intimidating. Thankfully he apologized.

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

I have the same problem... I consider myself shy, and I often feel insecure. But I've been told multiple times that when people first meet me, I'm intimidating. I think it's because I tend to scowl when I get nervous. Actually, I scowl a lot, it's just sort of the shape my face takes when I'm not actively smiling. Maybe that's what you do too, hence the coming off as mean and intimidating?

It's nice that the leasing office lady was nice to you... but in general, those bureaucratic assholes really are out to make life hell. And wasn't it their fault you were locked out?

9:18 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Ca said...

You know, it always seems like people are scared of the quiet types. Some of the sweetest people I know have lots of people that are intimidated by them.

Oh, and I've got the fall allergies too, and good news! They said that the ragweed and other stuff that causes them is really bad this year. Good luck!

9:28 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Jennifer: That's most likely it. When I'm not smiling - which I do contrary to popular belief - I tend to look like a bitch. But once people meet me, I'm really not that scary. Though intimidating possibly, on other levels.

Mrs. Ca: Thanks! I really have no idea where the allergies came from. They weren't there for years and then bam. Damn it.

10:47 AM  
Anonymous lorie said...

Fall allergies may very well be the death of me. I'm now taking Flonase year-round and may have to investigate allergy shots here pretty soon. has a thing where you can sign up and get daily alerts on how bad your allergies might be that day. It's useful for me because it tells me when I might need to double (or triple) up on the stuff I take - Flonase every day, Claritin most days, Claritin-D on worst days. It also tells you what the predominant allergens will be that day, which I like because it helps me narrow down what affects me most.

(Suck it, ragweed. I hate you.)

12:34 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Oh Heather honey, you don't suck. I happen to like you.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I'll just say it: I hate you for being able to walk to work.

Go ahead, stick a pen in my eye.

3:42 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Lorie: Am I like the last person on the planet to know about ragweed??? Bleh

Kate: Awwww thanks! I like you too. Wellstone and Target forevah!

Liz: Ok, this will make you feel better. Imagine walking to work in mid-July. Sweat is a sexy accessory.

4:06 PM  
Blogger Mocha said...

Sorry for the allergies, girly, but I can say that mine don't even start until the middle of August, so I'm just beginning. Won't stop until everything freezes.

Also, I love, love, love you for the sweet words for Mommybloggers. Man. You made me tear up, you adorable little Zygote.

10:19 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Remember that saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer?" I wonder if the leasing agent was doing just that...

3:36 PM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

Mercury must have been in retrograde last week, all sorts of folks had a really tough week!

Hope it got better :-)

9:10 AM  
Blogger Dagny said...

So glad to hear that things worked out with the leasing office. If I had been in your position, they probably would have told me what I could kiss.

5:05 PM  

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