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Sunday, August 13, 2006


“This is serious. Serious high fashion. And I made a tinker toy.” – Bradley B.*

Everything was lovely. Truly lovely; though I’m headed straight towards spinsterville with my flake out on Saturday night, I wasn’t nearly as upset and distraught as I’d normally be with such a cop out.

But who cares? There was that sense of ‘Ahhh. All is well’ in the air. ‘Ahhh all is well. Perhaps I will run 15 miles and limit myself to less than 2,000 calories.’ And then I woke up from my apparent dream state to a true reality: One that no longer consisted of fingerless potheads traipsing through my apartment in hopes of becoming my new roommate (In case you were wondering, that dude will not be celebratin 4/20 in the confines of my living room).

On Thursday I had made a list of everything that I needed to accomplish for the weekend:


Procure Silk soy coffee, watch Project Runway, eat French fries, go to the gym, sleep all day, drinks with Kimber, make like an illusionist and escape from helping new roommate move in, read, become mildly inebriated, get carpets cleaned, attempt to live off of $52 for the course of the weekend (including a trip to Whole Foods to procure the aforementioned silk soy coffee), seriously think about going to the gym, do not watch anyone else's children

And lo and behold, I managed to do everything on my list, save for the drinks with Kimber. But who cares? There was forward movement, with progress.

Hell, I managed to be NICE people. NICE. For an entire weekend. I didn’t even swear once. (Did you not see the headlines? ‘Hell feezes over! Pigs fly!’ ) I didn’t even refer to the cops that hit on me on Sunday morning as dumb shits lacking both brains and balls. Nope. Didn’t dare. I managed to just roll my eyes and keep walking.

I think all the niceties may have come about when the nice group of Christian** boys (For real Christians, like just came from church and then one said “Well in High School, when I became a Christian.” So yeah, I am sure…) who decided to sit with me at Cosi (there were like 2 tables and mine happened to be a larger one in the shade…) when another somewhat socially inept guy came up to them and started chatting they just smiled and made small talk and that was the end. They didn’t even turn to each other, with saucer eyes, and mouth ‘Awkward.’ Nope. They were just nice. And that niceness apparently rubbed off on me.

And when I came home! To my apartment! (Can’t stop with the exclamations!) It looked glorious! And there was a dining room table! With slip covers on the chairs! And a cake dish thingy! With a cake recipe that wasn’t from Betty Crocker! Amazing!

We’ll see how long the exclamation points! And the niceties, will last. Sadly though, I doubt it will be for long. Especially since my religion involves praying at the alter of Tim Gunn, with a glass of Cab Sauvignon at my side.

*I might get cable, solely to watch people make outfits seemingly made out of tin foil.

** Please don't take that as a slight to Christians. I am a Christian. Just at some point my religious learning went a little askew and I tend to say "Holy motherfucker" a lot.


Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

I dreamed about Tim Gunn the other night. Seriously.

I think I am watching too much reality tv.

Project Runway RULES!!!

7:45 AM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Oh poor Bradley, I really do adore him, but that outfit was an absolute monstrosity...

8:35 AM  
Blogger Bone said...

They didn't talk about him? Wow, that is truly rare. How nice.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous sta said...

Tim Gunn is the best. I want to hire him to follow me around and tell me how to live my life. Like a life coach... but without that lame title. He'd stop me when I was making bad decisions and give me his always right-on-the-money-honest opinions and say his chipper yet stern, "Make it work!"


Carry on.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

The new roomy sounds like a keeper. "Eat french fries" rarely makes it onto my to-do list, but a big plate of them with ranch dressing sounds mighty good right now.

1:11 PM  
Anonymous MappyB said...

I need to stop swearing! I'm impressed that you were able to do it for an entire weekend; that's amazing. I told my man to help me, and that whenever I swore he should say in his most condenscending tone, 'Honey, that's not lady-like'....but then he just started forgetting, or I would say 'Damn right it's not f'n lady-like'.

So. There goes that method.

6:09 PM  
Blogger Isabel said...

This last weekend I actually watched someone elses kid. And it sucked. You are an amazing women for being able to do that.

Oh, I recently found the Tim Gunn podcast's and I CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO THEM. I'm almost done with all of the season 2 ones. It's awesome.

9:58 AM  

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