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Thursday, September 28, 2006


“Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.” ~Peter Finley Dunne, Mr. Dooley's Opinions, 1900

Walking to work guarantees that I’ll be privy to some of the craziest shit imaginable. It’s not like it’s the metro, bus or a car, which all cost money. No, walking is free and most everyone can do it.

It’s normally the homeless people that are scattered about my path, muttering and hollering out to anyone but no one. Also the tourists and the occasional asshat who apparently didn’t do too well in walking school, lest he would realize that taking up the entire sidewalk, will get him a pen to the jugular. But on this particular day, as I turned the corner, I saw two young males who were about 10 or 11 on their way to school.

Both boys were in active conversation about a girl in their class; when in an instant one said to the other, as clear as day “Well then that bitch wouldn’t move.” It was said in the most perfunctory* way imaginable as if a perfectly normal thing. I was utterly taken aback by it and the casual way in which he used the word.

I curse like a sailor. I’ve been reprimanded for it time and time again and have tried to curb it, because it’s rude and totally unnecessary 99.9% of the time. And yet my language is peppered with it, partially because I know that I’m an adult and I just can, but also because a hearty “fuck” just adds a little special something to whatever asinine thing I might be spouting. It’s still rude, though those that I’ve been reprimanded by are family members and one considerably older ‘friend’ who claimed to only be joking, but still I got it. But then again, I am an adult**. Though it is crass and completely unladylike, I am still an adult and I am aware of what I am saying.

I am also aware of the different connotations of the word can mean. Those two boys that were referring to their classmate a “bitch” probably had heard it from some family member or some other adult, who again, used it in such a carefree way that these young boys found it to be the equivalent of the word “girl” or “woman.”

To plop myself on a soapbox and twirl my hair, would be hypocritical to say the least. I just don’t get it. Maybe my uber introspective thought process as of late has me thinking of all the times that I’ve called someone a bitch or cursed unnecessarily (which, for the record is a rather regular thing). All I know is that we’ll chalk this one for the list of things that baffle me and I’ll apologize to my cousin for that time I called her a bitch, in the middle of the mall.

From now on I’ll just use “evil whore.” It gets the point across just the same. No?

*Perfunctory was used in honor of Stacypalooza ’06. Sadly no yahootinis or 650 other women this time, but there will be pictures. Also, because we’re classy ladies, there will be no myspace worthy ass and/or boob grabbing shots. Scratch that, I’m sure I’ll get drunk enough and to it eventually.

**I laughed out loud when I wrote that. ADULT! HA!


Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

Oh, there will be yahootinis, all right. But y'alls are drinking wine. I'm going with Old Faithful: The Goose of the Grey. And diet juice, because I'm Klassy.

9:37 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

In college (eons ago), my friends and I used to say, "Hi. My name is _______ but you can call me 'bitch.' When I walk down the street and some guy is yelling at me to get my attention, I ignore him. Then he says, 'Yo bitch,' and I say, 'Yes?'"

10:02 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Unladylike? WTF?

8:05 AM  
Blogger Bone said...

I am always astounded by your excellent and varied use of the F word, in all its forms.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

stacy: whoot! either way, I'm going to be a drunk one.

dagny: Hi, my name is HB. The 'B' stands for Bitch. Pleased to meet ya. That work?

liz: yes. That fucking shit is unladylike. ;-)

bizzleone: I must admit, I am quite good with it. Just rolls off the tongue.

9:57 AM  
Blogger GirlGoyle said...

Brilliant...I like evil whore...I think it gets the point across quite well I should say. Anyway, nice to make your acquaintance. For what I can see, seems like Neil at Citizen of the Month has done well in his match!

10:12 AM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

i am in a constant state of turmoil over this exact issue. i have an 8 year old. i curse like a sailor. i really try to cut it back in front of her but it's hard. and sometimes you just gotta say "fuck" or "cunt" or "twat" or, well you get the idea.

2:35 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

girlgoyle: pleasure to 'meet' you as well. Neil is an excellent little matchmaker.

lux: motherfucker. shit balls. holy fucktard. Oh, was the idea not to continue with that..? ;-)

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Lola said...

Evil whore is a perfect two word combination. It can be said in hate or in love. It's just... well... fucking perfect.

5:59 PM  
Anonymous alyndabear said...

I'm a new lurker, but I have to say it, I love you!

Or should that say, I fucking love you? ;)

I shall now call you my twin.


9:16 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

lola: my personal favorite is "you fucking, evil whore." Has a nice ring to it.

aly: I'm one for saying "I fucking love you" quite regularly. So, feel free to do so as well. Thank you.

I love how this post was originally meant to demonstrate the 'evils' of swearing and now I'm relishing in saying the 'c' word.

(which I won't write out in it's entirety, because this is a family blog)


10:04 AM  

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