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Sunday, September 24, 2006

Genius Bar

"Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating." ~O. Henry, The Gifts of the Magi

I had to visit the Genius Bar. I hate the Genius Bar. Not because they do a terrible job, but because it’s one of the few places I never want to experience. There’s nothing exciting about the Genius Bar. It’s one of those things that you know exists but you don’t want to experience: like the plague or Ann Coulter. But I’m handling it really well. I was composed and unlike the last time I didn’t cry, scream or give anyone the finger. I also didn’t have sex on an ibook, so really it was somewhere in the middle. Let’s say that it didn’t end well and it’s something I’ll have to accept.

Let’s talk about something else: Masectomies! Maybe if I say it with an exclamation point I’ll feel better about it, but alas not. Nope. Motherfuckingshitballsdamnit. That didn’t help either. But look! I’ve gone from only being able to say “fucking sucks” and have expanded my vocabulary to include ‘shit’ and ‘damn it’. Progress!

Ok speaking of ‘Genius’ (because I don’t want to see and/or hear the words breasts, boobies, or any formation thereof. The end), though I’m sure that none of the following are Mensa members, I would like to present to you HB’s random list of people (read: Bloggers) that she is obsessed with. Special emphasis on random, because it’s totally just that and really, do you care? I’m not Heather Armstrong, so who gives a damn about my special list of specialness? But let’s say these people aren’t nearly as lame as I’m being right now. So read them. Now. And if you feel so inspired share your favorites as well. Sharing means caring, people:

Mocha Momma: Kelly called me a zygote the first time I met her. Which is ok, because I was a little drunk and I’m pretty sure she may have been too. And yet, I find her awesome. Also very pretty. She also enjoys a little Ari Gold action and Starbucks. She also let her daughter get a tattoo and encouraged it. We won’t discuss my Peg’s reaction when I got mine; just not very pretty.

The Girl Who: Monica can write better than I could ever hope to do. The end. Her husband is also in a band, a fucking fantastic band I might add. Really though, you’ll love her. Promise.

Waiterrant: Yes. Yes I am the last person on Earth to find Waiterrant. And yes, yes you can make fun of me about it. Go right on ahead. Sometimes makes my life look like Heaven.

Que Sera Sera: Again, I am slow. Verrrrrrrrry slow. And quite often I am the last person to find or experience things. People in real life know this, so I figure y’all should know about my particular brand of slowness as well. Enjoy!

If You Read Only One Blog This Year: It’s like the longest title fucking ever. But again, with the fucking fantastic writing. Even better? When you ask Bone how exactly he does it, he just shrugs like it’s nothing, which makes me want to punch him, and very hard. He's so good, that I have totally gotten over the fact that he is from Alabama and thinks that 'General Hospital' is superior to 'Days of our lives.'

Wonkette: While I know that the lovely people over at Wonkette don’t need very much pimping, I still jump up and get a little giddy when they update. Yes, I do realize that they update like 173 times a day, but I still heart them. Check out their Sen. Allen coverage specifically and when you find yourself on the floor in a fit of laughter, you’ll learn to love and appreciate them too.

Wednesday Advice Smackdown: Amy has changed the way I shop for bras and how I put on my makeup. My boobs (damn it, I broke my own rule!) look better and my face looks a little less hellish.

Mighty Goods: Let’s say you’re looking for a perfect necklace or really cute nylon bins (which, HA! Those suckers aren’t on sale anymore, I got like 25 of them for $15 two months ago) or just whatever perfect thing you want, Maggie has it. I swear it’s like Christmas over there every single day.

DC Foodies: I dunno, because I love to eat? Because when I googled Italian Store pizza, his was the first site to pop up? Because whenever I’m looking for a restaurant, his is the first site I go to? No matter the reason it’s fantastic and helpful.

FourFour: Read this and then come back. Now, did you die? Are you reading this from the after life? Was that not some of the funniest shit EVER! It’s also an extra dose of Michael Knight each week. And I love Michael Knight. I’m going to marry him, after he kicks Jeffery’s ass that is. Oh, and there’s not just Project Runway recaps, there’s more, but right now everything revolves around ProRun.

So yeah, it’s random. Really random and duh, just peruse ye olde blogroll because they are ALL far better than I. But sadly that's all I’ve got in lieu of depressing things that I know could be worse. Enjoy and all that good shit. I’ll be over here watching television and trying not to use the word ‘boobies’ too frequently.


Anonymous Jacynth said...

I love Michael Knight as well. Jeffery is going down!!!!! Thanks for the links, me gusta mucho!

12:47 AM  
Blogger treespotter said...

i'm slightly confused on the genius bar bit. maybe coz i never been in one. is it that bad?

and uh... well, i like the randomness. much like life tho we could use more boobies.

7:25 AM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

I'm about to get a new Mac, and think I'll be taking up permanent residence at the genius bar!

Go Michael Knight!!!

7:36 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

jacynth: I have every intention of becoming Mrs. Michael Knight. Any thoughts on Heather Knight?

treespotter: All you need to know about the genius bar is that it's a scary place that one would hope to never visit. But I had to visit and the outcome wasn't good and now I am without an ipod until sometime in October. It's very sad.

lisab: I'm getting one in December, thank God. Oh! I also looked at that spoiler you sent me, my man's collection was waaaaaay better than the others. WTF was Laura thinking??

9:02 AM  
Blogger sparkles anonymous! said...


I'm now hooked on Mighty Goods.

9:48 AM  
Anonymous Jorge said...

Lists are a good thing.

I never visit them all.

But I always visit ONE.
And that one (if it came from your recommendation) is always a keeper.


PS: Thanks for putting my blog on there, you bastard.

11:36 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

sparkles anon: that's because Mighty Goods is f*cking fantastic. Honestly, think of something that you're looking for and I'm sure Maggie already has it. And if you can't find a specific something, just email her and she'll find it. It's amazing.

J: Awwww. Bastard. How sweet. ;-)

1:35 PM  
Blogger darlin nikki said...

Michael IS the clear winner and this week Project Runway is back, wooo!

4:22 PM  
Anonymous jes said...

Ooooh la la - I love finding new blogs. I haven't heard of a few of these, so I'm going to check them out pronto! Thanks!

4:26 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

General Hospital is superior to Days!

Not that I've ever watched either.

Are John and Marlena still together?

8:54 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

darlin nikki: I'm beginning to worry about all these women loving my man. ;-)

jes: you're very welcome

bone: No, dear. It is not. And the fact that you know who John and Marlena are, kind of scares me.

9:08 AM  
Blogger treespotter said...

oh, i don't have an iPod, so i don't qualify.

are there nurses?

2:24 PM  
Blogger Mocha said...

So you're the one who sent Jorge my way.

That rhymes, you know. It's so fun to say. Try it. I'll wait....

... thanks for the link! I won't even comment on not being a Mensa member because you're such a zygote. Zygotes don't know any better.

But they sure are cute. Like you. Such a doll.

7:28 PM  

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