"Babies are such a nice way to start people." ~Don Herrold
Over Christmas, Matza and I ventured over to Toys R Us to pick up some items for the family she had “adopted” for the holidays. I’m not one to quickly scamper by FAO Schwartz or the giant sized Geoffrey in
Now, Matz, is the girl who would like to be married with children within the next three years. She’s the girl who likes to venture over to baby gap while on our daily rounds through the mall. She fondles baby clothes and makes that ‘aww, how sweet’ face when looking at the myriad of things for little people. She’s a baby person and she’s not afraid to admit it, whereas I was perfectly at peace with the phrase 'tubal ligation'.
Matza is the girl who, on this particular trip to Toys R Us, decided to venture through the baby things. The high chairs, cribs, baby bjorns, changing table, walkers. Everything got the once over and a flip of the tag. I’m convinced she was making a mental tally of a future baby registry. For the record, she is a fan of Eddie Bauer furniture and likes hard grain wood. And I’m almost positive that through her perusal, she practiced saying her future child’s name as she fondled the wood grain on the cherry aspen changing table.
The highlight of the entire trip was when she would flip over the tags and say “It’s only $99. It’s not that bad.” As I trailed behind and stopped abruptly upon hearing: “Babies aren’t that expensive.” Now given that I have no ‘fruit of the womb’ or anything resembling such, I am well aware that though each piece of furniture may seem ‘cheap’, it adds up. Not to mention that from what I’ve heard, babies need to eat and since you really don’t want them shitting all over your new oriental rug, you’d want to purchase diapers of some sort. And then there’s schooling, orthodontia, and the first time little Billy rear ends some woman at an intersection. I dunno, it just all eventually adds up.
I was good though, and refrained from pointing all of this little things out to her and allowed her to venture on her merry way thinking about how wonderful little baby things are, while I tried not to swallow my tongue. That’s not to say I don’t like babies or things for little cute chubby babies. It’s just that I’ve never been one of those girls who dive bombs into the baby section at Macy’s while my ovaries spontaneously combust with the thought of procreation.
I’m just not that girl. Not that I have a problem with those girls, but I guess reality rears it’s ugly head and I realize that babies, though quite cute and lovely also grow up. All of this is coming to fruition as I’ve been searching for the perfect first birthday present and yet I’ve come up with nothing thus far. So this weekend, I shall diligently peruse the shelves of baby Gap, Toys R’ Us and Nordstrom, looking for something that makes my ice cold, black as tar heart turn to mush. Or maybe I’ll just buy him a ball and add it to the list of things he will inevitably learn to throw at my head.