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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Wee things

"Babies are such a nice way to start people." ~Don Herrold

Over Christmas, Matza and I ventured over to Toys R Us to pick up some items for the family she had “adopted” for the holidays. I’m not one to quickly scamper by FAO Schwartz or the giant sized Geoffrey in Times Square. There’s something about the whimsy and fun of being in a toy store. I like seeing what’s new and sort of rekindling the youth that I know I’ll never get back and yet for some reason like to recall it and some would say reenact it quite often. Regardless, it was just a harmless traipsing through the store.

Now, Matz, is the girl who would like to be married with children within the next three years. She’s the girl who likes to venture over to baby gap while on our daily rounds through the mall. She fondles baby clothes and makes that ‘aww, how sweet’ face when looking at the myriad of things for little people. She’s a baby person and she’s not afraid to admit it, whereas I was perfectly at peace with the phrase 'tubal ligation'.

Matza is the girl who, on this particular trip to Toys R Us, decided to venture through the baby things. The high chairs, cribs, baby bjorns, changing table, walkers. Everything got the once over and a flip of the tag. I’m convinced she was making a mental tally of a future baby registry. For the record, she is a fan of Eddie Bauer furniture and likes hard grain wood. And I’m almost positive that through her perusal, she practiced saying her future child’s name as she fondled the wood grain on the cherry aspen changing table.

The highlight of the entire trip was when she would flip over the tags and say “It’s only $99. It’s not that bad.” As I trailed behind and stopped abruptly upon hearing: “Babies aren’t that expensive.” Now given that I have no ‘fruit of the womb’ or anything resembling such, I am well aware that though each piece of furniture may seem ‘cheap’, it adds up. Not to mention that from what I’ve heard, babies need to eat and since you really don’t want them shitting all over your new oriental rug, you’d want to purchase diapers of some sort. And then there’s schooling, orthodontia, and the first time little Billy rear ends some woman at an intersection. I dunno, it just all eventually adds up.

I was good though, and refrained from pointing all of this little things out to her and allowed her to venture on her merry way thinking about how wonderful little baby things are, while I tried not to swallow my tongue. That’s not to say I don’t like babies or things for little cute chubby babies. It’s just that I’ve never been one of those girls who dive bombs into the baby section at Macy’s while my ovaries spontaneously combust with the thought of procreation.

I’m just not that girl. Not that I have a problem with those girls, but I guess reality rears it’s ugly head and I realize that babies, though quite cute and lovely also grow up. All of this is coming to fruition as I’ve been searching for the perfect first birthday present and yet I’ve come up with nothing thus far. So this weekend, I shall diligently peruse the shelves of baby Gap, Toys R’ Us and Nordstrom, looking for something that makes my ice cold, black as tar heart turn to mush. Or maybe I’ll just buy him a ball and add it to the list of things he will inevitably learn to throw at my head.


Blogger Namaste said...

I agree. Give me Coach or give me death. I'll pass on the babies, too!

2:54 PM  
Anonymous Neil said...

When people idealize having children, I like to remind them of what type of trouble-making brats THEY were when they were kids.

3:07 PM  
Anonymous MappyB said...

Oooo, baby Coach booties?

You know what's a great gift, but seems a little lame - some bonds. That way, when he's 18 or whenever, he has a bunch of money there just waiting for him knowing that someone was nice enough to think of him when he was 1 year old. Plus, he can sound good to his friends, 'Yeah, I'm just waiting for that bond to mature...'

4:22 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

namaste: I wonder if coach makes baby things? then maybe we could strike a compromise

neil: Good point, especially since the money situation can always be worked out.

mappyb: while that would be a good and practical gift, I'd be much more interested to see what he would do with an elmo chair.

7:54 PM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Dude, I got bonds every year from my grandparents and eventually used them to go to Ireland. Awesome. Also kind of boring when you're one though, so I can see both points.

Anyway, I go both googly over babies and break into cold sweats of terror sort of alternately. I do coo over tiny baby things because come on, that shit is freaking adorable. But I also feel suffocated when I think that I'd totally have to cut back on my own adorable things to afford baby stuff, and I get irritated enough when my dogs bark. A baby crying all day? I would probably kill myself.

Some day though, maybe it won't seem so bad...

9:49 PM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

*puts on big sister hat*

You have time, Heather! Don't sweat that you are not into babies at the moment. When you are ready, THEN it will be the right time.

6:40 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I enjoyed this one. :) I've always been aware (perhaps too aware) of the hard work involved in child rearing... and I'll be the first to admit that it scares the bejesus out of me.

9:00 AM  
Blogger ducklet said...

ha! little Billy's rear-ending is expensive, indeed. especially if the intersection in question is the game room downstairs and said woman is much more familiar with tubal libation than tubal ligation. Yes. That could get very expensive.

2:54 PM  

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