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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Hello, kind heart

“Misery is a communicable disease.” ~Martha Graham

For years, I’ve been in denial. Deep denial; for it couldn’t possibly be true. It was a myth perpetuated by other women to make themselves feel better for acting like heinous bitches. That was all. Nothing real, just a figment of the imagination and lo, I sound like a guy again, but I digress. Even if it was true and actually was a possibility, I had never been affected and I could never succumb to it. I’m always mean and bitchy, so there really could be no way for me to become meaner and bitchier. Really though, look at me:




See? Angry and scary and I could kick your ass (also one of the worst pictures ever, so be kind. Really). Ok, no, no I can’t really kick ass and I would never do so. But yes! I am indeed rather surly like most of the time so why would two weeks of the month be any different. Oh but they are. I’ve succumbed to every cranky PMSing bone in my body and have been feeding it copious amounts of Au Bon Pain half priced (after 4:00 that is) pastries and mac and cheese. And last night I ate Chinese food in a way that I haven’t had Chinese food since Clinton was in office.

So, I’m going crazy and stuffing myself with MSG and of course, being the equal opportunity hater that I am, I have spread my loveliness throughout the land (READ: greater Metro DC area and through the internet). Which means that no matter how nice and kind and sweet you’ve been to me, even if you play Johnny Cash for me on command, I will most likely call you a little shit and tell you that I hate you.

I am one very pleasant person as of late. An invariable ray of sunshine for all those that surround me. Though I must admit that today is better. Today I got dressed in something other than cords and clogs and I didn’t stare at my carrots with a look of disgust and demand why (WHY?!?!) they weren’t deep fried and dipped in butter.

All of this is topped with a great big cherry that is my sudden, umm…aversion…to grapes in their liquefied and fermented form. No, really. And apparently I have developed the same aversion to both wheat and barely in that same form as well.

Anyway, I’d say that there’s optimism, but alas there is none. Save for, Stacypalooza v. 2.0 with new java script plug-ins. Well, la-di-freaking-da. And I mean that in the nicest most loving way that I can possibly muster up right now.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Angela said...

What I have taken away from this entry is an insatiable curiosity as to what a deep fried carrot would taste like... hmm...

11:24 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I don't know, but I'm so very tempted to try...

11:36 AM  
Blogger Brandon said...

i love these sorts of health food posts, because they remind me i am justified in my avoidance of meat and all things that do not advance my well-being. even my wine is fortified. one can only assume with the appropriate vitamins and minerals. the labels are inconclusive.

12:45 PM  
Blogger wunelle said...

A fabulous photo.

I persist in my belief that any problem can be fixed with... peanut M&Ms. Take two bags and get back to me.

1:51 PM  
Anonymous jonniker said...

You're beautiful, and I mean that in the most earnest and non-sarcastic way ever, honestly. That's a gorgeous photo, you're lovely, and you're normal for feeling like this.

And also, I'm not lying when I tell you that as of this moment, "Folsom Prison Blues" is blaring into my ears. So I am, kind of, playing Johnny Cash for you on command.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

ducklet: I forgot to mention that my chinese food was general tsao's eggplant. Because I believe in my vitamins and minerals. Which means that I might have to start incorporating grapes back into my diet.

wunelle: you always show up at just the right time, when I am in dire need of m&ms. And did you know that they now make dark chocolate ones?

jonniker: Another sign of my crazy PMS is Johnny Cash. Seriously every day this week I've begged a friend for Johnny Cash and then he plays Johnny Cash for me. It's lovely.

And thank you very, very much...;-)

3:18 PM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

you might wana see a doctor about that wheat, grape and barely adversion. sounds serious.

3:56 PM  
Anonymous MappyB said...

Oh yes - the dark chocolate M&M's are my FAVORITE!!! Such a good call on their part.

Love the pic of you, it's so cute! So is your shirt too!

Deep fried carrots though, not so sure. Although I said that about deep fried pickles and those turned out to be fantastic.

4:34 PM  
Anonymous alyndabear said...

Psssh, your pic is lovely.

Yipes. An aversion to fermented grapes? The horror! Is this NORMAL?

Hoorah for looking forward to Stacypalooza. :)

6:44 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

You are beautiful and I trust that is just a phase that will pass like the weather.

No grapes? Wah.

10:54 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

lux: I was thinking the same thing...

mappyb: now that my umm 'symptoms' are waning, I feel like I can accept my carrots in their current natural form

alyndabear: nope, not normal at all. But hopefully I'll be feeling better soon.

suebob: why thank you. Especially since in my red stapler picture, I'm drunk and exhausted. I'm sure this is a welcome respite.

9:30 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I wouldn't say angry and scary. You must be referring to how you feel on the inside, because on the outside I see lovely and professional and...dare I say it?...sexy.

10:26 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

No Pasa Nada: Bringing sexy, lame, and vino back. ;-)

10:57 AM  
Anonymous jes said...

A) I like this picture of you because: cleavage! jacket! lace! double-strand necklace!

B) Also, you look hot. Despite your groanings.

You also look very confident. It must be the deep-fried carrots.

Which, by the way: this year at our state fair? They're serving deep-fried COKE.

Coca-cola, I mean.

12:24 PM  
Blogger sweetney said...

YOU ARE A GODDESS OF HOTTNESS.

that is all.

12:26 PM  
Blogger DivineDiva said...

you look gorgeous!I love your necklace! I hope you feel better.

6:58 PM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

btw, you do look kinda mean in that picture. but i think it's only because you have a serious face on. i think you seem like a person worth knowing!

12:27 PM  
Blogger Freudian Slip said...

I second the notion that the world can be cured with peanut m & m's. Well, my world at least, lol.
Matt

3:03 AM  

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