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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

They say it's your birthday...

"A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip." ~Author Unknown

November Horoscope, courtesy of InStyle:

(My thoughts, commentary and embellishments included once again for dramatic purposes, boredom, exhaustion and because I fucking can)

You’ll have plenty to celebrate this month (and year) as good fortune comes your way.
(Newsflash! Hell freezes over! Pigs fly!)

Unexpected news about a relationship arrives around the 4th; you may make plans to marry your romantic partner or enter a new business alliance.
(A relationship? Which? Probably my relationship with red wine. I knew that it was getting too much with one of us physically abusing the other. But the other half of this relationship just couldn’t walk away. It will get better, promise.
Making plans to marry a romantic partner would imply actual romance other than my intense relationship with grapes and dill havarti.
A new business alliance is highly unlikely unless I finally get that McDonald’s franchise I’ve always dreamed about. In fact, I have always dreamed of that. Owning a piece of the golden arches is every young girl’s fantasy. Maybe we should worry about my relationship with fries, fish filets and diet coke?)


You are also entering a strong financial period, so invest in upgrading your looks.

(Exactly how strong is this financial period?? Because depending on said ‘strength’ I’ll invest in my looks, the stock market, a home in Belize, psychotherapy, cable, the aforementioned McDonald’s new boots, an actual bed, pants that fit, a hair cut, a smart car, the Giants and TiVo)

Make an appointment for eyelash extensions, or splurge on those gorgeous brocade pumps and you’ll soon be basking in compliments.
(I shall invest in brocade then, better wit, more intelligence. All while shedding my cynicism, narcissism, pessimism, materialism and insert any other inhibiting –ism here)

(I shall also invest in Tylenol cold and sinus, Theraflu and a most excellent 23rd year)

(Happy Birthday to me)

20 Comments:

Blogger Bone said...

Happy birthday, HB!

(Or HB, HB! for short.)

I just wanted to be first :)

And next time I see you, I'm buying you a fish fillet combo, yo.

11:39 PM  
Blogger Heather Anne said...

Happy Birthday, Heather! :)

3:06 AM  
Anonymous alyndabear said...

Happy Birthday, Heather!

(And please keep us informed of any wedding details, won't you?)

5:34 AM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

Happy birthday. (did I get it right this time?)

6:36 AM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

Eyelash extensions? Huh.

Happy Birthday!

6:49 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

Happy Birthday, my love.

I'm almost done being cross with you.

Almost. ;)

8:20 AM  
Anonymous Kelly said...

Happy birthday to YOU and happy birthday to ME! November babies. My birthday is Nov. 10th. I'm in a relationship, and if I made plans to marry my boyfriend this coming month, I think that it would be a bit insane. Should I trust the horoscope? Hmmm...

8:27 AM  
Blogger V said...

Happy B-day!!

9:09 AM  
Anonymous Sweet said...

Eye lash extensions? If you want them, they're as good as yours ;-).

9:37 AM  
Anonymous Abigail said...

I always hated the word "pumps". Anyone with me on this?

Happy Birthday, Heather. 21 was it? Have a drink on me.

10:20 AM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

My scorpio sister, I KNEW there was a reason I liked you...I mean, beyond our common affinity for the drink.

10:42 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Y'all are truly fantastic people. Thank you for the good wishes.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

Hope your birthday is fabulous!

11:31 AM  
Anonymous guinness girl said...

Brocade? Is brocade the new "in" thing? Oh, and hi, by the way! I wandered over here from someone else's blog...shit, at this poitn I can't remember whose! Happy birthday anyway! And please, don't break up with red wine. It loves you, really. It does.

11:49 AM  
Anonymous mrs. jorge said...

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Haaaaaaappppppyyyyy Biiiirrrrttthhhdaaaaaaayyyyy, deeeeaaaaarrrrrr Heeeaaaattthhhheerrrrrr!

Happy birthday to you, eh.

My gift to you is to not actually sing the song. Two words for you: tone deaf.

:)

Hugs from the great North.

12:01 PM  
Blogger ejtakeslife said...

Happy Birthday! May all your birthday wishes come true, especially the wine-related ones. Yum :)

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Sex & Moxie said...

I love how they incorporate all kinds of product placements into their horoscopes.

2:15 PM  
Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana) said...

Sex&Mox - Well that's how we know it's true...HB loooves product. Her bank account tells us so.

Happy Birthday Drunkie :)

7:13 PM  
Anonymous Maliavale said...

Happy berfday! You're so a Scorpio. ;-)

7:35 PM  
Anonymous Jorge said...

What the hell?
How the hell did I miss this?!?!?!

Shit.

Happy Birthday HB!
:)

Hugs,
J

11:36 PM  

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