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Thursday, October 12, 2006

What's in a name?

“Fate tried to conceal him by naming him Smith.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The idea of a woman changing her last name to be that of her husband’s, is often a rather contentious debate. Will she or won’t she? Hyphenated? Some sort of hybrid perhaps? It’s something that I’ve always been on the fence about. I’m content with my full name. Though it is rather bland, it just works; Peg and El Padre knew what they were doing. I suppose would depend on what I would be changing it to and the complication of going about such a thing. Hell, I have a hard time going to the DMV just to register my car, so I’ll be damned if I’m going through any bureaucratic cesspool to change my Social Security card, credit cards and subscription to Washingtonian. There’s also the question of why we live in such a patriarchal society where this is still rather expected of women as the norm. And the question of whether or not we as women want to have the same last name as our children or get the peculiar looks of complete strangers as to why little Bobby and I do not have the same name (Quick answer: None of your damn business).

Whatever name I end up with if – big IF - I get married, I want it to flow. I want to have a good meaning. I don’t want to marry a man whose last name is ‘Bundy’ because I don’t want to spend the rest of my till death (or divorce) do you part days, being associated with a serial killer. It needs to be a good strong name with deep roots possibly related to some old money, but I won’t be too picky. It’s just been on my mind as of late, not that there is a possibility of marriage anytime in the near future, but I suppose that in a way, I do have prospects; Men whose names I would gladly take:

Heather Knight: Has a nice ring to it, no? It represents good style and fashion design. A husband full of good nature and he’s the fan favorite. I don’t even mind the braces. It’s hip hop goes to St. Tropez. It’s a ray of sunshine in a world of cloudy, serious ugly and that’s what really matters. I’d be married to a man who loves his mother and knows a woman’s body (so to speak). A real keeper. A WINNER.

Heather Barber: It represents good blood. Very good looking, good blood. Strong family ties and the ability to run, many yards. Which is the key to any relationship. He’s willing to go the distance and celebrate a little in the end zone. I’m confident that he would pull through more often than a guy with a last name of Shockey.

Heather Manning: Though a newbie, the name represents quality and a strong family background. Important in a spouse. Competitive and loves his older brother, thus the reason for why he would never think to wipe the field with is ass, though he was very tempted. Yeah, he may fuck up a bit – what man doesn’t – but he always pulls through in the end. And even when he doesn’t, it’s the southern accent that gets me.

Heather Sheffield: Again, just because a man isn’t perfect, doesn’t mean that things will go to hell in a hand basket. Because here we see OVERALL quality, which is more important than being really good at one specific thing. And name one person who wouldn’t want to be married to a man in the Hall of Fame. Either way, he’s good at what he does.

Heather Washington: The original. The first man that I knew, just knew, that I would marry. And if I had married him, it would make him an adulterous cradle robber, which is not something I look for in a husband, but with those teeth and that smile, so be it.

Though they might be prospects, I feel like I would do well as the future Mrs. Michael Knight.


Blogger Bone said...

I thought you'd decided on Heather Cano.

Yeah, no Bundy. Or McVeigh. Or Foley.

(Excellent post, Miss Whatever-your-name is.)

10:34 PM  
Anonymous jonniker said...

Please no Gary Sheffield, Heather, PLEASE. He's not nice! He could never be nice enough to you! He's a YANKEE, for crying out loud!

7:19 AM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

If any woman in America says she didn't ever think of being (Firstname) Washington, she has got to be LYING!

8:03 AM  
Blogger DivineDiva said...

you can have Tiki, can I have Ronde? We could be Barbers together,no?

9:06 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Bone: Oh yes, Heather Cano or Heather Cabrera. It really shocks me how well Heather goes well with most names.

Jonniker: DUH! That's exactly why I want to marry him. But thanks for looking out for me

Suebob: I still want to be Ms. Washington, but I figure with the children and all that he might not want me.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Wryter said...

Whether on aesthetics, numerology, letter-ology, or principle, whatever you decide, HB, "go your own way."

I think I've just seen the Blog equivalent of the "back of the notebook" doodling that my sisters used to do, practicing their "marrried names."

Two out of three are married now... both took the husbands' last names... mostly because taking their first names would have been confusing.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

um yeah, i'd skip the barber one.

when i got married i changed my name to my husbands. 10 months later i finally got around to going to the hell we all know and hate, the DMV, to change my DL. then it was off to the SSN office to wait in line for an additional 14 days to get my SS#.

the following month i was seperated. it's been over two years since the divorce and the only reason i haven't changed my name back is the thought of the line i'd have to wait in.

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Rudolph Kittenberger said...

Funny that, i just blogged about names yday. maybe this time i did get the right memo.

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Too funny! If you do become Mrs Knight, be sure to introduce me to that fine young cousin we were blessed with a glimpse of during the Atlanta visit.


3:26 PM  
Anonymous Jiffy said...

Sad, but I totally thought of AL BUNDY before TED BUNDY. However funny Al, was, it would still be an unfortunate name :)

6:03 PM  
Anonymous alyndabear said...

Because I don't particularly like my surname at the moment, I'd most likely change names if I ever got married. If he has a nice name, that is. My man at the moment has a good name.... :)

Unless I find a man with the surname of "Bear" and then I would marry him JUST BECAUSE.

6:54 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

Oh, I think you would make an excellent Mrs. Knight. He is definitely my fave on the show.

7:13 PM  
Anonymous Em Robb said...

What about Heather McSteamy? Or Dreamy?

5:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Heather! I came here via Amalah. I just have to tell you're too good, TOO GOOD, for Gary Sheffield. You're beautiful, brilliant and hilarious. Way too good for the Sheff. (Truthfully, I'm with Jonniker on the whole Yankee thing, but to each her own.) I do think you can't go wrong with the rest of the list though. :)


9:17 AM  

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