“I'd rather sit down and write a letter than call someone up. I hate the telephone.” ~Henry Miller
There’s something that I finally feel ok to tell you all. It’s semi serious, but I’ve been pretty good at keeping it hidden. And this is something that goes beyond the fact that I’m really not all that funny in person, but even worse than that: I’m afraid of the phone. Really afraid of the phone. So terrified of it that right now I must type or do something with my hands or I don’t know…deep knee bends…or something, because it’s just really hard. Let’s just say I just had one of the most awkward phone conversations ever (no, seriously) and then had to actually get up from my desk and take a walk. Because OH MY GOD, I had to call a STRANGER.
Oh and another secret: I obsess. Even when things don’t warrant obsessing, I’m obsessing because using the phone is such a big deal and a new fangled thing that I’ve apparently just discovered the proper way in which to use it. Thus an entire two paragraphs devoted to why I can’t handle being a competent person in this world. In fact, you know in The Net how Sandra Bullock did everything from the comfort of her home, including order pizza, and then she finally did leave the house and her world blew the fuck up?? Well that’s going to be me. I’m going to become a recluse and never leave my laptop and never actually talk to anyone on the phone, because apparently, I cannot.
I need to sit and rock a bit and get back to my happy place and remember a time, not that long ago, when I could use the fun and continue to be a functioning member of society. I don’t know what event triggered this panic to using the telephone, but oh my hell, I think it needs to stop.
Ok, all better.
Labels: Socially awkward Barbie™